On behalf of the children, I beg you, please stop saying these 8 mantras.

The word \”mantra\” comes from Zen Buddhism. It originally means not understanding it with your heart, but talking about some ready-made experiences, pretending to have thoughts, and thinking you understand the principles of Zen. It is listed as one of the mistakes of Zen. As parents, when we face our children, we often have various \”mantras\”. Some of these \”mantras\” hurt and impact our children beyond our imagination. It is true that \”the speaker has no intention, and the listener has no intention.\” Intentionally\”. Nuo Xi’s mother has compiled the following 8 common “mantras”, hoping to inspire others and trigger everyone’s thinking. It\’s okay! It\’s okay! When a child hurts his knee, when his beloved pinwheel breaks, when he doesn\’t want to be separated from his mother… he may burst into tears. At this time, are you like me and say to your child: \”It\’s okay, it\’s okay…\” Our original intention is: we hope that the child will not be too worried or too sad. However, this sentence gives the child the feeling: Mom does not recognize me and does not understand me! This may make the child feel more wronged than the thing itself, and he may cry more because of it. The correct approach should be to help the child understand and deal with his emotions instead of denying his emotions, that is, to empathize with the child. We can say to our children: \”It hurts, doesn\’t it? Mommy, please blow it for you.\” \”It\’s sad, right? Let\’s give it a hug.\” This not only affirms the child\’s emotions, but also provides a solution (Blow the blow/ Embrace). Hurry up! When it\’s time to go to school, the child still eats slowly; when it\’s time to go to bed, the child still refuses to take a bath. Your child is slow to brush his teeth, drags his shoes on, and procrastinates on homework…Are you like me and keep saying: \”Hurry up\”? Our original intention is to remind the child that time is almost up, hoping that he will speed up. However, the feeling it gives the child is: Mom is about to lose her temper! I\’m never fast enough! We can directly tell the child: It’s time to go out in three minutes. When the minute hand reaches 6, you must take a shower… Constant urging will only make you and the child anxious, but it will be difficult to slow down the child. To speed up the process, it is better to prepare everything a few minutes in advance to give your children buffer time. Be careful! When a child climbs up and down in a children\’s playground, when a child tries to cross a single-plank bridge, when a child puts on roller skates for the first time, when a child learns to cross the road alone… can you not help but say: \”Be careful\” Son!\” The original meaning of this sentence is to remind the child to pay attention. However, it does no good other than transmit your uneasiness to your children. It can also make children nervous and less confident, which makes them more likely to make mistakes. A better approach would be: we protect children who are climbing up and down and crossing single-plank bridges to prevent them from falling; we teach children the key points and correct posture of roller skating; before crossing the road, let children learn to read the traffic lights and know what to do first. Look to the left and then to the right, and practice it a few times in advance. This is simple! When Xiao Xi encounters a question she doesn’t know how to solve, she asks her father for advice.Zen is: \”This is simple.\” After a few times, Xiaoxi refused her father\’s homework help. In fact, my father’s original intention was: Don’t worry, I can answer this question and explain it clearly to you. However, the child\’s feeling is: I can\’t even do very simple questions, I\’m stupid! Dad is always criticizing me! It is better to say to the child: \”This question is indeed a bit difficult, we can try this method…\” This will not damage the child\’s self-confidence, but also focus the child\’s attention on solving the problem, allowing the child to follow our ideas. Walk. What\’s there to be afraid of? Some children are afraid of the dark, some are afraid of pain, some are afraid of injections, some are afraid of taking medicine, some are afraid of birth, and some have stage fright… These scenes may not be worth mentioning in our hearts, but for children For me, that might be a huge problem. In order to encourage your child, you may say: \”What\’s so scary about this? Isn\’t it just…\” Your original intention is to describe the difficulty in a smaller way so that the child has the courage to face it. However, the child\’s feeling is: I am very timid! I\’m so useless! Why not try saying this: \”It\’s a bit dark/painful/suffering/tense. Let\’s think about ways to make it better, such as…\” First, confirm the child\’s fear, let the child get psychological recognition, and then pay attention to it. The focus is on solving problems. Stop it! Maybe you are answering an important phone call, maybe you are fussing over the stove, and your child makes a small request to you: he wants to hear a story, wants to go to the park tomorrow, wants a box of crayons, or just Ask you a question. Because you are too busy to respond to your child in time, he has to repeat his request again and again. At this point you may say, \”Stop it!\” What you may mean is to ask your child to make the request later. However, the child may think this way: I am clearly talking about important things, so why does my mother say that I am \”making trouble\”? He may also think: In my mother\’s heart, I am not important at all… We can say this: Mom is very busy now, can you tell her later? This not only explains the reason why we are unable to respond in time, but also uses a consultative tone to make the children feel respected, and at the same time let the children understand that next time they should not make requests when their mother is busiest. I\’ll do it! When a child takes the initiative to help wash the dishes for the first time, he may fill a pool of water, or get detergent foam everywhere, wet his sleeves, or even break a bowl. When a child tries to wash his own socks, he may forget to apply soap, or he may take half an hour to wash them. At this time, would you say: \”I\’ll do it!\” Your original intention may be to wait until the child is older to learn, or you may be too pressed for time and it would be more efficient to do it yourself. However, the child who has worked very hard and may be looking forward to your praise may feel after hearing this sentence: I can\’t do anything well, I am so bad! We can say this: \”It\’s great to have such a result for the first time! Thank you for your help. If you pay attention next time…… That would be even better.\” It not only relieves the child\’s frustration, but also expresses your gratitude and gives the child a direction to work hard. Others will laugh at you! When a child who is tone-deaf wants to sing a song, when a child with a unique mind wants to When a child wants to wear two different shoes to go out, when a child gets a new umbrella, he wants to hold it for a walk on a cloudy day… Do you say, \”Others will laugh at you!\” \”The original intention of you saying this sentence may be to tell the child that his behavior is different from ordinary people, or you may hope that the child can take into account the feelings of others. However, the meaning conveyed by this sentence to the child is: the right, wrong and value of the matter itself It is not important, nor is my psychological feeling. What is important is the eyes and evaluations of others. The child may become nervous and stage frightened because of this. He will slowly give up his own judgment and opinions, and even be easily swayed by the opinions of others. Some It is better to respect the child\’s wishes than to do things that do not harm oneself, do not harm others, and do not harm the environment. We only need to gently tell him what most people would do for his reference. There are many similar mantras. If When we put ourselves in another person\’s shoes and look at the problem from a child\’s perspective, we will find that some of the things we often say not only fail to have the expected effect, but also bring many negative effects. After realizing this problem, change the perspective of thinking. , if you change your way of speaking, you might get twice the result with half the effort.