Congratulations, your child can still say \”no\” to you

Last night, my son \”kicked\” me off his bed. His little face was angry, and he closed his eyes and ignored me. The reason is that I only told him one book. Because I usually teach three books at a time, why do I only teach one today? I said you already have a cold and a cough, so you should get more rest and go to bed early. As I was getting ready for bed, I heard him say no. But I thought twice before turning off the light and coaxing him to sleep. Lie next to him and sing him your favorite lullaby. Do not listen. I moved closer to hug him. do not come. I pulled the quilt over a little, and he immediately pulled it over. Don\’t bullshit me. Looks really angry. I respect his little temper and guard his own thoughts. And I feel peaceful and happy inside. Because he was able to say no to me, which is very valuable. I have always been afraid that my love will make my children submissive. I was reading \”Silent Confessions\” recently, and the sentence on the cover, \”We spend our entire lives getting rid of other people\’s expectations and finding our true selves\” deeply touched me. Especially as a parent, looking back on your past. Don’t most people live in the expectations of others? Even if you are reluctant, you can look at the world and often want to arrange your children\’s lives. I am afraid that my past experiences will be wasted. But in reality? Children\’s lives are their own. Are they willing to live up to our expectations? I don’t think any kid would. There are too many \”good parents\” in our lives. Arrange everything for your child, and it looks so loving when your child obeys. Because children follow arrangements and obey orders, it is regarded as a success in education. For example, if a child says he doesn\’t want to wear black clothes, but the mother thinks black matches well and is cool, then she will try her best to get the child to wear black clothes. Therefore, when some children grow up, they will say that they can\’t make the decision in anything. Even their own clothes are arranged by their parents and they cannot have any ideas of their own. The logic of this kind of good parent is: \”I am your mother\” or \”I am your father\”. The core of this logic is \”I love you, and I am doing it for your own good.\” This confidence comes from my having more experience than you and seeing more people and sophistication than you, so you have to listen to me. I know a father who thinks everything about his children, giving them the best material life and the best learning conditions. But he neglected one of the most important things – respect for children. He always felt that the child was ignorant, so he had to make the decision in everything. He did not trust the child and did not help the child build self-confidence. So when the child said what he wanted to do, he would immediately reason and prohibit, pointing out the child\’s shortcomings. And if the child really comes back late one day, he will go around to investigate, hoping to know everything about the child. So the child finally loses confidence and feels like a controlled doll. When seeing us, this child always lowers his head and rarely smiles. So even if you go to the best school and have the best training teachers. After all, there is no childlike happiness on the child\’s face. This kind of love is suffocating. Psychological analysis says that there is a type of parents who, after having children, regard their children as objects. I feel that the child is mine, just like a cup or a personal object. This is mine, soI can dominate him. With this kind of love, children will not dare to say \”no\”. Don\’t dare to express your true thoughts. By the time they reach adolescence, many children have outbursts. Why did it explode during this period? One is because the child\’s abilities have become stronger. Their ability to survive can allow them to leave their parents without any problem. There is also a rapid psychological maturity, a strong need to prove yourself and break out of the shackles. The objective reason is that parental control will weaken. Because at this stage, children go to high school, leave the sight of their parents, and have their own short and limited freedom. And even if it is short-lived, the child will enjoy and vent to the fullest. There is no equal communication and respect. It will give these distorted psychology space to grow. Spreading like poisonous weeds, covering the hearts of children. When a child says \”no\”, there must be a reason for it. I saw some children playing together in the park a few days ago. There was a little girl about 3 years old holding a handful of candies in her hand. Several other children want to eat. As a result, the child holding the candy didn\’t agree with anything. She kept saying, \”No, this is mine. It\’s mine.\” When she heard the children making a noise, her grandmother came over and took away all her candies in one handful. \”So stingy, I don\’t have any.\” Then he gave the candy to several other children. Then the little girl burst into tears. Grandma ignored it and chatted with the elderly people around her as if nothing happened. The child was tearing up her clothes and saying, \”Tangtang…\” \”Who told you to be so stingy? Do you dare to do it next time?\” When a child says no to sharing, many adults will force the child to share. This shows that the education is successful, the children are generous, and the main thing is not to lose face. But what do the children think? Child Psychology Association tells us this fact: when a child is born, he has no self. He and the world are integrated. The growth process of children is a process of self-construction. In this construction process, children initially distinguish themselves from others by possessing things that belong to themselves. , only when children possess their own things, and when this thing completely belongs to them, can they feel the existence of \”I\”, which is also a sign of children\’s self-birth. At this time, parents should meet this need of their children, and should not condemn their children\’s behavior, nor force their children to submit. Because this is where children start to develop themselves. During this critical period, parents\’ actions will affect their children\’s lives. You can be strict when you love your children, but it must be based on respect. Only on the basis of respect can there be smooth parent-child communication. Only then will children have the courage and right to say no. Children who dare to say no will also bravely reject people and things they don\’t like outside. We have all been invaded by those \”intimate relationships\” that emerge one after another. But I don’t know how to say no. For parents, letting go seems like a luxury. Because I am afraid that the child will be harmed. But wrap the child tightly. Isn\’t it another way of harm? When a child says \”no,\” respect him. Because when a child is respected, he will also learn to respect other people. And respect creates a sense of boundaries. And people who have a sense of boundaries will be happier.