​More effective than Time-Out. To teach children to manage their emotions, just one square meter of space is enough.

I believe that many mothers who have been exposed to European and American early education concepts have heard of the time-out method of discipline. Time-out is mainly for children after the age of two. When they are making trouble unreasonably, parents will order them to stay in a corner for a few minutes without any communication with the child. It is similar to our \”thinking about their faults\”. In fact, Su Bao is also going through the stage of terrible twos, and she will lie down and cry when she disagrees. For example, once, it was because I gave her a different braid than usual, and once she drank alcohol every day. The milk cup is different from before (two-year-olds in the sensitive period of order sense, you know). But we haven\’t used the time-out method to discipline her yet. Why time-out is not commonly used. Many parents try the time-out method for the first time and find it particularly useful. Because this kind of silent punishment isolates the child from all communication with the outside world, ignorant children can easily be shocked. But many parents around me complain that if this method is used too much, their children will easily become old fritters. In less than a minute, they will start asking: \”Can I come out?\” The adults had no choice but to look blank. It is normal for children to have tantrums, and tantrums are the best time to guide them to learn how to manage their emotions. The personality problems that many people manifest in adulthood are actually related to their failure to learn emotional management well in childhood. The time-out discipline method mentioned earlier does not help children understand and release their emotions, but instead forces a pause on children\’s anger and frustration. Just think about it, as adults, if we encounter a bad mood, we often want to find a place to hide and be quiet for a while, instead of being punished for no reason. Children\’s needs are similar. Try this emotion management tool: calm-down corner. My friend Jessica is a first-grade elementary school teacher here in the United States. Because her baby is the same age as Su Bao and is also experiencing an explosion of independent consciousness and emotional cognition. We are often together. Discuss the enlightenment of emotion management. Jessica recommended to me a method commonly used by teachers at her school, called the \”calm-down corner\”. If a child in the class is unreasonable, loses his temper, attacks other children, refuses to participate in group activities, or shows excessive anxiety or loss of control, the teacher will take him to the calm-down corner and let him have some quiet time alone. Completely different from time-out facing an empty wall, the setting and usage of calm-down corner are very particular. In fact, after carefully studying the calm-down corner in American kindergarten classrooms, I feel that we can completely arrange such a space for our children at home. How to build a calm-down corner at home. Calm-down corner is suitable for children aged 2-8. It is usually a relatively fixed small corner in the classroom or at home, allowing children who are out of control to have their own peace and quiet.space. The general principle is to make children feel safe here first and not to be disturbed by the outside world. In this corner, you can prepare these four types of tools to help children sort out their emotions (all of them are placed in a storage basket at home): 1. A mirror. The Montessori teaching method emphasizes the mirror as a teaching aid, and it is recommended that parents give it to them from infancy. The baby prepares a (non-breakable) mirror to gain self-awareness and enlightenment by observing his own face. The mirror is also a good tool for emotional management. It allows babies to look at their own faces in the mirror when they are angry and intuitively understand their own emotions. Of course, sometimes your baby is having a tantrum and doesn\’t want to look at himself in the mirror, so there\’s no need to force it. 2. A comfortable chair can be a bean bag chair, a small floor mat specially designed for the baby, or a few pillows so that the baby has a place to sit comfortably. 3. Emotion Cognition Map A cognitive map with faces with various expressions, which allows babies to compare and learn the names of various emotions. Older babies can identify their own moods based on this map. 4. Emotional Cognition Picture Books After your baby calms down, you can read several picture books on emotion management together, such as picture books with various crying and smiling faces of babies, Llama Llama Mad at Mama from the Little Alpaca series, and Llama Llama Mad at Mama. Grumpy Pants teaches children to release their emotions. I have previously recommended Anthony Brown’s emotional awareness picture book How Do I Feel and so on. 5. Soothing toys When Su Bao has a tantrum, I will put the soothing bunny she has used since childhood in her calm-down corner to accompany her. If the baby does not have a specific soothing toy, you can also put some plush toys that he usually likes. Toy. 6. Sensory Toys Do you still remember when you were a child and loved the feeling of inserting your hands into the rice vat? In fact, inserting hands into a rice vat is a sensory game. The fine particles stimulate the nerves of the hand skin and bring a sense of comfort. Sensory toys can relieve anxiety very well, so you can prepare some soft balls, plasticine and other items for your baby in the calm-down corner to help him relax. You can also prepare a few crayons for babies who like to paint. I put a bottle of lavender-scented lotion in Subao\’s calm-down corner. The bottle says \”Angry Cream\” and let the baby squeeze it into his hands, apply it and smell it. Su Bao can now say: After applying the anger cream, I won’t be angry anymore. How to guide children to use the calm-down corner to build a calm-down corner, and also establish a connection between the baby and this corner. When Su Bao cried some time ago, I would carry her to the study and cuddle up with her on the rocking chair in the corner for a while. Gradually, she developed feelings for this corner. Once she was in a bad mood and asked me to accompany her to sit on the rocking chair. So I followed suit and built a small tent next to the rocking chair and fixed the calm-down corner. here. I summarize the next steps as the S.A.L.T four-step method (it has nothing to do with eating salt) S – SPACE Space A – ACTIVITY Play L – LOVE Love and Hug T – TALK Chat SPACE – Space When Su Bao loses her temper, I will take advantage of her quiet time to suggest that she go to her own small tent to have a rest, and then I will leave the room and give She has a few minutes of space. Before leaving, tell her, cry, cry, sit down, lie down, or lie down to cry. The message this conveys to Su Bao is that it is OK to be angry, and recognizing and accepting negative emotions is the first step in emotional management. In fact, adults can choose to stay or leave at this step, but sometimes the baby is unreasonable and the adult\’s mood is not very good. If we separate for a few minutes, the adult can give himself some space to calm down, so that he can better complete the following steps. ACTIVITY – After the first step of playing, Su Bao had already lost half of her anger. When I returned to the room, although she was still crying, she was already looking through the pictures of faces. At this time, I will let her choose an activity by herself, such as squeezing plasticine or playing with sensory bottles. Gradually, she will be able to figure out which toys can calm her emotions. In the future, she will go straight to these toys when she adjusts her emotions independently. Learning to release your emotions is the second step. L – LOVE Love and Hug Observe your child’s emotions, and when she is relaxed enough, give her a hug at the right time. Many times a hug can heal everything. If she\’s not ready for a hug, you can also touch her hair or put your hand on your child\’s back. Letting children feel the unconditional love of adults is the third step. The fourth step of T-TALK chat is to communicate calmly afterwards to teach the baby to sort out his emotions. For example, a few days ago, I accompanied Su Bao to do parent-child yoga. She may have been in a bad mood that day and was unwilling to participate in yoga. She also threw yoga mats all over the classroom. In the end we had to leave midway. Maybe Su Bao himself was in a very conflicted mood. He neither wanted to go home nor participate in activities. He had no choice but to express his messy emotions by crying. When I got home, I followed the SALT four-step method and finally worked with her to sort out the entire incident, such as how the yoga class made her feel and why she lost her temper. In fact, younger babies may not be able to clearly explain the reason for their crying, and adults are not obliged to ask. Just use chatting to let the children know that everyone\’s emotions will be sunny or rainy. No matter how bad they feel, they can trust their parents and communicate with them. It will be much better if they speak out. A child comes into the world like a blank sheet of paper. Many times, children\’s emotions and behaviors are a reflection of the family environment, and they also reflect the best and worst in us. When a child is least cute, it is when he needs love the most. Perhaps in the process of teaching children to recognize emotions, we can also become adults who are better at managing emotions.