This thing is more terrifying than a child being abandoned by his mother

On the way back from kindergarten with Xiao En, I met Lei Lei and his grandmother from the same community, and we walked together. Lei Lei is a few days older than Xiao En, and they play together occasionally. Lei Lei took Xiao En\’s hand and walked in front. While we adults were talking, I noticed that Lei Lei shook Xiao En\’s hand hard. Later, he actually grabbed Xiao En\’s hand and slapped Xiao En\’s hand over and over again. My body and face, while observing Xiao En\’s reaction, I kept asking quietly: \”Does it hurt? Does it hurt?\” With a sadistic pride on his face, my heart tightened, and I stepped forward unceremoniously. I went to say to the children: \”Let\’s let go and race, shall we?\” Then I reached out to hold Xiao En, and found that Lei Lei\’s hand was still holding Xiao En tightly, and I saw that there was something hanging in his mouth on the back of his hand. With tears streaming down her cheeks, she stood directly between them, separated their hands, and took Xiao En to change the topic. I know Lei Lei just thought it was fun, maybe imitating the way her grandma usually treated him. But Xiao En has a good-natured nature and has no awareness of violence. I had to divert their attention before he felt pain. After I pulled away the two children\’s hands, Lei Lei\’s grandma began to scold him: \”I told you to let go but you didn\’t let go. I told you to disobey. Why are you so annoying!\” Lei Lei showed unhappiness and grievance. She scolded him and started to beat him. The most unacceptable thing for me was that she actually pinched Lei Lei’s face with her hands. Lei Lei cried loudly and squatted on the ground and refused to leave. I helped persuade grandma and comforted the child, but it was completely Grandma couldn\’t stop being angry. She pulled up Lei Lei and walked forward, scolding you as she walked: \”I told you to be disobedient and call you a fool. You see, your own mother doesn\’t want you anymore. You still don\’t obey…\” I am not in such a scene. The first time we met, or even every time we met the mother-in-law and grandson, this scene would almost always happen. When Lei Lei was still in confinement, his parents divorced. His mother abandoned him and never appeared again. Lei Lei\’s father was not at home all year round. His grandparents took care of everything including eating, drinking and going to school. I think every time Lei Lei hears his grandma talk about his mother like this, he will feel so uncomfortable. Which child doesn’t long for his mother’s love? When the children were still very young, we played together in the community. Sometimes Xiao En would be sweet and call her mom, and I would sweetly reply: Hey! Lei Lei would also playfully call mommy next to him with a smile on his face. The child\’s longing for his mother was all written on his face, but his grandma would immediately stop and apologize to me, and then tell Lei Lei: \”Remember that you didn\’t Mom, your mother didn’t want you a long time ago! You were raised by your grandparents!” Seeing the disappointed expression of such a young child at that moment, as a mother, I felt very distressed. I was still thinking at the time, a child without a mother is really It\’s pitiful. I need to take more care of this little neighbor in the future and let him feel more warmth. But later I discovered that the adults who grew up with him are the most important people to influence a child\’s heart. Every time Lei Lei was naughty and grandma couldn\’t control it, she would basically beat him. When he was extremely angry, he would always blame the child\’s mother, \”Your mother doesn\’t want you anymore, you are still so ignorant!\” This sentence is How much does it hurt the child? I think it\’s worse than the child itself losing its mother. Grandma is obviously upset about her mother abandoning her childCarrying resentment and transferring this resentment to the child from time to time instills in the child the concept: Mommy doesn\’t want you, mommy doesn\’t love you, you don\’t have a mommy. This kind of recognition is a blow and pain that ordinary people cannot imagine for a young mind who has lost his mother and originally longed for her mother. They will go through a process in their hearts: I miss my mother so much – but I don\’t have a mother – I don\’t have my mother\’s love – my mother doesn\’t love me – I hate my mother. Once hatred arises in a young mind, it will no longer be pure, and it will be difficult to maintain healthy mental development as it grows in the future. I remembered that I met Lei Lei and his grandma by chance two days ago. On the way, Lei Lei\’s grandma had an argument with another aunt in the community in front of Lei Lei. Lei Lei stood there blankly. I thought he was just in a daze. When I walked to the front, I looked back and noticed that Lei Lei\’s eyes were staring at the lower right side and he was mumbling something plausibly. I listened carefully and found out that Lei Lei was imitating his grandma and quietly scolding the person who was quarreling with his grandma. The person said: \”I told you to dare to scold my grandma like this. Why are you so cruel? If you are more cruel, my grandma won\’t find someone to kill you…\” That look and tone are not what a three-year-old child should have. , I just felt chills running down my spine. This child knew how to protect his grandma, but he didn’t know how to distinguish right from wrong. It made people look pitiful and worry about his future. I started to have to deliberately avoid Xiao En from playing with him. But not all children who are abandoned by their mothers will be mentally unhealthy, because losing their mother does not mean losing maternal love. Last year I went back to my hometown and went to see a friend in the town’s kindergarten. I saw a two-year-old child chasing a beautiful kindergarten teacher and calling him “Mom, Mom.” The teacher agreed while picking him up and giving him a kiss. The child was satisfied. ’s smile. After a while, I saw this child again at my friend\’s place. He also called my friend mom, and my friend agreed very smoothly. I was wondering at the time: Why does this child call everyone mom? I heard from a friend that this is the grandson of a kindergarten leader. When the child was only a few months old, because his father often traveled on business, his mother ran away with someone else, and he was never heard from again. This child has always been with his grandparents. His grandfather is a teacher in the middle school in the town, and his grandmother has just retired from kindergarten. The two parents love this child in every possible way, neither pampering nor doting, and rarely beating or scolding him. He raised his child to be polite and lovable. When he saw familiar aunts in the town, he would often call them mom, and everyone was willing to cooperate. However, his grandma would often see this scene and quietly wipe her tears behind her back. When my friend and I left, we happened to see the child named Doudou playing with the kindergarten children on the playground. Two teachers were teasing him: \”Doudou, where is your mother?\” The child replied confidently: \” My mother is not at home. She is in another place. I told you she is too far away. She will come back in the future.\” At this time, an older aunt came over and said with a smile: \”Yes, Doudou\’s mother is away from home. I will bring a lot of toys for Doudou when I come back in the future!\” After saying that, he picked up the child and gave it a kiss. My friend told me that this is the retired principal Tan, Doudou’s grandma, and an aunt with a cheerful personality. I think it\’s precisely becauseSuch a white lie for the cheerful grandma kept Doudou\’s desire for her mother in her heart, and allowed Doudou without her mother to still be as innocent, happy and carefree as a child with her mother. This is the state a child should be in. Seeing Lei Lei\’s condition, I asked my friend about Doudou. She told me that the child\’s father had remarried and found a stepmother who was good to Doudou. Although his father and stepmother cannot be with him every day due to work reasons, the child has never called anyone else his mother since then. When others ask again: \”Where is your mother?\” he will be proud and satisfied. Said: \”My mother and father are working in the provincial capital. They are busy!\” The children who are still full of expectations for their mothers will eventually receive maternal love. This is thanks to Doudou\’s grandmother, who did not complain, resent, or vent any bad emotions on the child after the mother abandoned the child, so that the child still retained the right to enjoy the mother\’s love. Even if the child\’s mother leaves him, in his heart, he is a child with a mother, and his mother\’s love is always there. He still has expectations for his mother\’s love in his heart, and the love in his heart is complete. Therefore, we can grow healthily facing the sunshine. Both are children abandoned by their mother and taken care of by their grandparents, but Doudou and Lei Lei are in completely different situations. One is innocent and cute, and the other is dark and violent. Although there is still a long way to go in life, the mental illness is the most worrying. At least Doudou is loved by everyone now and has a mother who truly loves him; and Lei Lei, at least , parents like me don’t want their children to get too close to him. It is a pity when a child is abandoned by his mother. Please do not deprive him of his expectations and fantasies of his mother\’s love, no matter how bad the mother\’s behavior was when she abandoned him. That has nothing to do with children. Don\’t harm a young heart with the resentment and emotions between adults.