How important is it for a child to be able to be particular and competent?

I once read an article about a socialite named Zheng Nian: being born well and marrying well can be regarded as the label of her life. Born into a noble family, he married a diplomat and was sent to Australia. He lived in Australia with his husband for 7 years and lived a comfortable life. I thought I would be rich or noble throughout my life, but unexpectedly, the second half of my life took a turn for the worse. Unfortunately, her husband died of cancer. Due to the forces of the times and historical distortions, Zheng Nian was arrested and imprisoned, and began his six-year prison life. But she didn\’t complain. Instead, try to live a decent and comfortable life. For example, she saved some of the rice she had for each meal to use as paste, and put toilet paper on the wall along the bed one by one, so that her bedding would not Stained by dust on the walls. Government officials later apologized for Zheng Nian\’s wrongful arrest and imprisonment. After the incident ended, Zheng Nian settled abroad. Putting aside the context of historical events, what I admire most is Zheng Nian’s ability to be both particular and adaptable. In the many years of parent-child education, I have also begun to regard this matter as the focus of education. A reader once wrote to me, and she asked me sincerely in her letter: Because she and her husband started their careers from scratch, and now everything is going smoothly, but when it comes to their children, she sometimes doubts herself. For example, if your child goes to the best local school, the schoolbag he carries is also a brand-name one, and the training class he attends costs several hundred yuan an hour. In terms of dressing, let alone being inferior to others of the same age, she can definitely be ranked at the front. The child, who is less than 10 years old, has traveled to most of Europe and Australia, traveling lavishly. That is to say, I have never experienced hardship and always only enjoy the sweetness of my parents. My reply to her was: There is nothing wrong with raising your children materially. If you have the conditions, let her see the mountains and rivers. This is a life-long benefit. However, we need to let our children understand one thing. While you are particular about it, you must also learn to make do with it. You can wear famous brand clothes, but you can\’t have any prejudice against ordinary clothes; you can live in a five-star hotel, but you can also live in a small inn on the street; you can carry a bag worth tens of thousands of yuan, but you can\’t look down on the plastic in your hand. bag. The wealth you enjoy today is what you deserve today, and then tomorrow, if life is torn apart, she must also be able to bear the loneliness. In life, the most important thing is to be particular when you can be particular, and be willing to make do when you can only make do. Zhang Yunhe\’s \”The Song Ends and the People Remain\” tells a story from the past: The Zhang family is a famous family, and to this day, the \”four sisters of the Zhang family\” are still a beautiful story in history. The most admirable thing is that when they faced the changes in the world, their father Zhang Jifu was able to let the four Zhang sisters study poetry and practice Kunqu opera, no matter how hard it was, so that they later became well-off. Everyone’s fate is unknown to everyone. And if a person can survive and live well, he must have expectations for the future in a demanding life; and have the confidence to pay attention to the upcoming days. When I take my daughter on a trip, I often do one thing, which is to stay in hotels on purpose. Sometimes I go to a city for four days. I spend the first two days in a five-star hotel worth several thousand yuan, and the next two days I go to a family hotel that costs one or two hundred yuan.Abandon. In fact, children are very smart. In the spacious hall, you can always feel the transparency and feel particularly happy, painting and pretending to read; and some small hotels where there is a pile of garbage outside from time to time, and there are also supper stalls piled up at night, are also They will show their displeasure, make noises, and lose their temper. I didn\’t want to let her go and paid little attention to her. For a three- or four-year-old child, the best way is to let her vent her emotions, realize her irrationality, and slowly adapt. But later, as she played more times, she gradually got used to it, and she could play her own way anywhere. Someone asked me, why does your daughter not look like a girl? But like a girl. When some children reach a certain age, they have begun to be picky about certain clothes. Obviously she had more opportunities to choose nice clothes and carry nice bags, but she just let it happen. I said that no matter now or in the future, I hope that my daughter can be both particular and adaptable. Who knows if we can really protect her for a lifetime? My old Chen and I have a consensus. Today, in the eyes of others, she is the child who can do whatever she wants, but she must understand one thing. One day, her parents will leave her, and she will face the wind and rain alone. Face everything around you. At that time, if she could rely on one person and live proudly in the world, that would be her greatest ability. The best love that parents can give their children is not the so-called \”poor and rich\” at all, but to enable her to grow up stubbornly and diligently at any time. Many times, we don\’t know how the waves of life will blow, like life and death, ups and downs. There are many things we can teach our children. But the most important thing is to give them the ability to do what they do. Grow in good times, grow in adversity, believe that you are a tree, and believe that you can grow into a tree. This is what we, as parents, need to teach her throughout her life.