The mother is responsible for \”losing herself\”, but the baby will not bear it

Recently, a close friend quit her job and decided to become a stay-at-home mother. The reason is that her child will be promoted from kindergarten to primary school next year. In order to prepare for the private elementary school entrance examination with her child in the last year, she decided to give up her job temporarily and enter the so-called \”chicken baby\” state wholeheartedly. My first reaction after hearing this was, what if my child fails the exam? Wouldn’t that be very disappointing? Doing something without breaking a sweat will not only put you under tremendous pressure, but your children will also feel anxiety from their mother. Being out of touch with society not only means that career accumulation may be wasted, but also means \”self-abandonment\” in mentality. Just like those children who don\’t want to take piano lessons, what they really hate is not necessarily the piano itself, but mostly the \”teapot-shaped\” mother at the piano – the parents who point at the piano with emotions. In the process of educating their children, , because too many expectations, pressures, and emotions are attached, and what is conveyed is full of negative energy. I felt sorry for this best friend\’s decision. As a friend, I decided to support her choice first. At the same time, I also gave her a suggestion: Although she gave up her original full-time job, because she has many years of experience in the editing industry, she can Try writing part-time for a publication. On the one hand, holding a job can keep you connected with the entire industry. On the other hand, it also prepares yourself to return to the workplace at any time. After all, a mother who works hard is more likely to raise hard-working and resilient children. A teacher friend of mine told me about this phenomenon. He asked the children in the school to write an essay on the topic of \”Mother\”. The essays collected were almost all about \”Mom takes great care\” and \”Mom can cook a table of dishes\”. The content was almost the same. But if the topic is changed to \”Father\”, the composition materials will become richer and more interesting. In the children\’s exercises, the teacher can see a variety of different and interesting stories. This example does not mean that fathers are more attentive to raising their children. In fact, most fathers spend much less time with their children than mothers. But why do children find their fathers more interesting? From the child\’s reaction, we can get this information: Mother may be more likely to lose her \”self\”, lose her personality, and lose her richer life because of her sacrifice for the family. As a result, the mother becomes less interesting in the eyes of the child. A while ago, a term became popular on the Internet: widowed parenting. I went out of my way to read some related articles and found that almost all of them were self-sacrificing mothers complaining about their father\’s absence in family relationships. In this regard, I seem to feel that before these so-called \”widow-style\” parenting, perhaps a more terrifying thing happened, that is, the mother\’s \”self-loss\”. Many mothers who quit their jobs to take care of their children have the original intention of \”giving their children better quality company\”. However, being in a position of 24 hours a day, 7 days a day, year-round can easily lead to burnout. Often it is not high-quality companionship and education. Because of anxiety, it turns into a yelling mother. When it comes to the parent-child relationship, I believe that \”a little separation is better than a newlywed\”. The parent-child time after a busy day of work may serve as a break from work. In many cases, the switch of identity can actually lead to a better relationship.It allows working mothers to cherish the time spent with their children and provide higher quality companionship. I have also experienced the \”overflowing motherhood\” stage after having a child. Whenever the child cries, I will soften my heart. Occasionally, when I go out to run errands, I will feel guilty for leaving the child. This may also be a stage that most mothers will go through: life becomes hectic due to the arrival of a child. They no longer have the time to deal with busy academic or business matters, but are entangled with the child\’s sleeping, breastfeeding, eating, drinking and diarrhea all day long. . 90% of the shopping cart is always clothes for the baby. The self who used to have regular facials, perms, and nails has gradually become lazy and undisciplined. As time goes by, maybe for a moment, I will suddenly realize, what is my life? When did things start to look so bleak and boring? Many working women I have met are like this. They have gone through school, work, marriage, and childbirth step by step. Everything has been advanced to the established stage in an orderly manner. Therefore, once their career reaches a bottleneck or they encounter some problems in the workplace, After a setback, I no longer want to work hard. At this time, \”going home and taking care of the children\” becomes a rational reason for retreating – no matter how hard I try, it will be like this. Although the advance is no longer attackable, fortunately, retreat can be defended. The reason for sacrificing your career for your children seems impeccable. Those lost or lost selves are packaged in the halo of maternal love, and everything has a rational reason – out of maternal love, for the sake of the child. Nowadays, various chicken soups on the Internet have repeatedly emphasized that \”the best education is to practice it\”. I have always agreed with this point. If a middle-aged person in his prime gives up on his own progress using the excuse of accompanying his children, then this \”giving up\” is the adult\’s own decision and has nothing to do with the child. The baby will not bear the blame for the mother\’s \”losing herself\”. My friend Amy once had her own career. After getting married, her husband wanted her to be a full-time housewife and focus on her family. The family also hired part-time workers, so Amy did not need to roll up her sleeves to clean and cook. Amy originally had a lot of free time to develop her own interests or pick up her past career, but unfortunately she did not have that at the time. According to her, from that time on, the thing she looked forward to most every day was to see her husband come home. After she had nothing to do, she began to study recipes and spent an afternoon cooking a table of dishes, waiting for her husband to come back. Have a meal. After full of expectations, the most disappointing moment may be receiving a phone call in the evening: \”I have a party tonight, so I can\’t come back for dinner.\” If you put all your expectations on your husband or children, then this \” Losing yourself\” will bring huge risks to your life – your future happiness, achievement, and satisfaction will all depend on others. When people reach middle age, they should make their own path wider and wider. When many mothers complain that they have sacrificed too much, do they also give up on themselves first? Why are they completely forgotten about their dreams of traveling to the end of the world with a sword after getting married and having children? For what you love, washing your hands and making soup can be the icing on the cake, but if you still have to put everything you have on firewood, rice, oil and salt under the premise of having a choice, then it may be a failure.The beginning of taking control of your life. Middle school geometry textbooks say: Triangle is the most stable figure. In fact, the same is true for life: self, family, and career are the three fulcrums that constitute a mother\’s strong personality. Giving up any one of them means making oneself passive. With a career of your own, you at least have a salary to earn, you have your own career accumulation, and you can also make more connections. On the other hand, stay-at-home mothers are almost in a closed circle who work alone, and they have to look after the family and ask for money. Being entangled in daily necessities of daily necessities can easily make a woman sink into the dust, and she will become further and further away from the spiritual world of her child. I remember that when I was still in middle school, Michelle was my childhood friend and best friend. At that time, I loved going to her house to play. Looking back now, maybe it was because she had a very capable and interesting mother. In my impression, Michelle would often wear unique and western clothes, and there would often be very trendy stationery in her pencil case. It is said that her mother brought it from abroad. For those of us who had not been abroad very much at that time, As a person, I am particularly envious. Her mother was working as a reporter for an international news agency. When she was in middle school, she took Michelle and a few of our friends to give us extracurricular gathering lessons. She was always able to tell a lot about her experiences abroad. Although many years have passed and Michelle and I have long lost contact, her mother still has a profound influence on me because of her interesting nature. I even secretly vowed to become such an interesting and rich mother myself. \’s mother. Because the mother’s shoulders may be the starting line for the child. Last year I attended a refresher course related to psychoanalytic techniques, and I also met many stay-at-home mothers in that class. I found that although they all seemed to be stay-at-home mothers, they never gave up on their studies and career development after sending their children to school. After participating in parenting courses abroad, some mothers created a course salon suitable for China; some mothers like yoga and hypnosis, so they created a stress-reduction course that combines the two; and one mother is particularly inspirational. In the past, she worked as a children\’s book editor for nearly ten years. After becoming a full-time mother, in order not to give up the resources and experience she had accumulated in the past, she recommended children\’s books to mothers, and she actually became a well-known \”Internet celebrity\”. I respect from the bottom of my heart those parents who are studious and never give up on their own growth. For children, the best education is to cultivate yourself first. How not to give up on yourself and not to place your dreams on others is not only a matter of \”whether to work full-time\”, it is also something that each of us needs to constantly cultivate. If you want your children to be radiant, remember to let yourself shine first.