After the divorce, I am no longer your husband, but I still want to be the father of your child.

Friend Z got divorced last year, and his daughter is as old as Xiao Fu. Z said that after the divorce, his ex-wife took their daughter back to the Northeast, and they may never interact with her until they die. He thinks about his daughter so much that he can\’t sleep every night, and he sheds tears when he looks at his daughter\’s old stuffed toys. After hearing what he said, I didn\’t know how to comfort myself. Because theoretically speaking, although he and his ex-wife have terminated their marriage, it does not affect the essence of the father-daughter relationship between him and his daughter. Emotionally, his ex-wife insisted on taking away the child, and there was nothing anyone could do. There must be many men like Z who cannot be a good husband but want to try their best to be a good father. However, after divorce, fathers often find it difficult to integrate into their children\’s lives, often due to various reasons, such as long distances, remarriage by themselves or their spouse, child support issues, and endless disputes with their ex-wives. Studies have proven that after a period of divorce, the father\’s communication with his children will completely disappear, even if he had a good relationship with his children before the divorce. As a father\’s interaction with his children dwindles, his influence on them all but disappears. The emotional connection between father and child is gradually formed as they experience countless trivial but important things together. Without this emotional connection, it is difficult for a father to expect to influence his children on important matters by the time they reach adolescence. So how can a divorced father avoid drifting away from his children? Insist on being involved in the child\’s life. Whether the parents live happily together or are divorced, as long as both parents are fully involved in the child\’s life, the child will grow up happily. Co-parenting can be tricky if your parents are divorced, but as long as parents make parenting a shared endeavor, the children will benefit. According to surveys, 90% of children live with their mothers after their parents divorce. The proportion of girls is even higher. Therefore, fathers should be aware that they must maintain close contact with their children even after they are separated from their mother. This allows enough time to build intimacy with the child and understand the details of the child\’s life. Treat your ex-wife as a parenting partner. After divorce, fathers should work out a fair and feasible alimony plan and stick to it. They can treat their ex-wife as a partner in the parenting team, setting rules and delineating behavioral boundaries. , divorced couples should unite and support each other\’s suggestions. Parents should not let differences between two people interfere with important decisions they make together for their children. Children cannot be used to attack or harm each other. Provide child support on time Research shows that fathers who consistently provide child support spend more time with their children. In contrast, fathers with financial problems or conflicts with their ex-wives over child support rarely see their children. The ex-wife will see the issue of child support as a legitimate reason to prevent the father from seeing the children. For the father, he will avoid seeing his children out of guilt that he cannot pay child support. As time goes by, the child will gradually feel that his father is indifferent to him and is not willing to participate in his life at all. Try to be as natural as possible with your children as part of joint custody.The father\’s opportunity to get along with his children is protected by law. Even if the mother does not want the child to see the father, the father can take the initiative to visit the child. In both cases, dads should try to make their time with their children as natural as possible. For example, after parents divorce, if children can do some daily tasks when they are alone with their separated parents, such as doing homework, going to class, doing housework, etc., the children will adapt better. In other words, fathers should try to avoid becoming a \”Disney dad\”, that is, they should not treat their time with their children as a grand party. In comparison, instead of watching their father pay the bill in the restaurant, it would be more satisfying for the children to help him cook and wash the dishes. If the father cannot see his child at any time, he can call or WeChat his child from time to time, which will also be beneficial to getting along with the child. In addition, you can also get to know more of your children\’s friends and teachers, participate in school-organized activities, and integrate into your children\’s social circle, which is also conducive to maintaining a good parent-child relationship with your children. Don’t let your children choose between their biological father and stepfather. Relevant data shows that 75% of women will remarry after divorce, and 80% of men will also reorganize their families. If divorced couples remarry, it becomes more difficult for them to be close to their children. After the mother remarries, although the financial pressure of raising children has been relieved, the probability of the children meeting their biological father has also been greatly reduced. Marrying a stranger after your parents divorce will undoubtedly cause anxiety in children, especially teenagers. While they are trying to adapt to their new parents, they are also wondering what their relationship with their biological father or mother will be like. Psychologists have concluded through research that allowing children to choose between their biological father and stepfather is extremely harmful to the child. After parents remarry, children still need to get along with their biological parents frequently so that they can better adapt to their parents\’ life after remarriage. Be more patient with your children. The first two years after a divorce are the most difficult period for the children, because not only will the father feel pain and resentment, but the children will also show a series of negative emotions. The strongest advice for fathers living apart from their children is to be patient with them as they try to adjust. Young children are not very adaptable to changes. Therefore, after their parents divorce, the children will be very resistant when they are alone with their father. Older children may act mean, frustrated, or even angry at their father for not trying to solve the problem. When emotions become tense, men often tend to withdraw, so it is possible that when the child becomes resistant, the father will no longer want to see the child. But for the long-term benefit of their children, fathers must not do this. At this time, the most important job is to help children deal with negative emotions. By listening empathically to their children, helping them label their emotions, and guiding them to deal with their own emotions such as anger and sadness, fathers will form a close relationship with their children and be able to accompany them to face emotional crises calmly. . Finally, I would like to remind everyone again that marriage can be divorced, but the relationship between children and their biological parents cannot be severed., because: Four key points for fathers to influence their children\’s growth. There are some ways that fathers influence their children that mothers cannot do, especially in aspects such as peer relationships and academic performance. Boys who lack a father\’s love have difficulty balancing masculinity and self-control. As a result, they will be unable to learn self-control and delayed gratification. Girls who are accompanied and supported by their fathers are less likely to have sexual disorders when they are young and are more likely to have healthy romantic relationships as adults. If fathers are involved in caring for their children when they are young, they can remain involved in their children\’s lives during their teenage years and adolescence.