32 years of research reveals how parenting affects children\’s lives

The longest and most comprehensive study on temperament in the world is the New York Longitudinal Study conducted by child psychologists Alexander Thomas and Stella Chase. What psychology calls \”temperament\” is different from the temperament we usually talk about. It is more similar to \”temper\”, which is an innate personality tendency. This study found that people already have a certain \”temperament\” when they are born. A child\’s innate \”temperament\” will interact with his parents\’ upbringing, ultimately affecting the relationship between the child and his parents, the child\’s personality, and even predicting the psychological problems and life stress the child may face in the future. How does a child\’s innate temperament interact with his or her parents\’ upbringing? Thomas and Chisi measure temperament through nine dimensions and believe that children can be divided into three categories. Category 1: Easy-going children: These children can establish daily norms relatively quickly in their infancy, are lively, easy to be happy, and adapt quickly to new things in life. Category 2: Troublesome children. These children are not easy to establish daily norms. Once the environment changes or they feel uncomfortable, they will be irritable, make loud noises, cry, need more care and comfort, and are slow to adapt to new things in life. . Category 3: Slow-warming children: These children are less active, respond slowly to external stimuli, have a negative mood, and have difficulty getting along with unfamiliar people, making them feel shy and slow to adapt. There are also some children who have their own scores in these nine dimensions and are mixed types. Even if parents know that they should love their children, they still love their children deep in their hearts. But the relationships between people are all interactive. When parents get along with their children, they may feel angry, irritable, disappointed, or regretful because of certain behaviors or attitudes of their children. The parents\’ reaction will react on the child, further affecting the child\’s behavior and emotions. It is easier for children in the first category to establish daily norms during their infancy and early childhood. They will form a routine of life earlier, sleeping on time and eating on time. They will laugh when their parents tease them and less likely to cause negative emotions in their parents. Because of this, they will form positive interactions with their parents in a short period of time. This type of child will make it easier for parents to raise them. Especially when there are many stressful events in life, parents will prefer the first type of child. Because of good interactions with their parents, children also feel less psychological stress. When parents and children are comfortable getting along, they are more willing to spend more time with their children, and the activities between parents and children will increase. Children will also feel more warmth from their parents\’ frequent and loving actions, and they will feel more secure. The interpersonal interactions between parents and children can influence their subsequent social behavior. They make friends more easily and are more likely to be liked by other adults. The second type of children find it more difficult to form positive parent-child interactions with their parents. Raising children is not an easy process. Children who are very sensitive as babies are prone to irritability and will cry more frequently. A child who is difficult to comfort can make parents feel irritable and even want to escape. Babies who cannot be comforted will either become more violent or gradually lose connection with their parents, showing indifference and lack of security towards their parents. As these children grow up, theyThey will be easily irritated and their behavior will be more rebellious. This will also lead to parents using more \”punitive\” parenting methods to regulate them. Punitive parenting will only further deteriorate the parent-child relationship. Sometimes children\’s crying behavior is too intense, which can force parents to compromise. When children find that crying \”works\” on their own, they are more willing to use this method to achieve their goals. Parents will find it increasingly difficult to set rules for their children, which sometimes work and sometimes don\’t. Parents and children are often at odds with each other. Children with the slow-warming type do not have many problems in early childhood. But when they begin the \”socialization\” process, it is easier for some impatient parents to feel \”anxious.\” It is not easy for them to get along with strangers, and they adapt slowly to new environments. Parents tend to feel disappointed or frustrated after comparing their children with other children… Under external pressure, parents are likely to push or blame their children from time to time. Interactions between children and parents at this time can become very stressful, and stress can slow down a person\’s reaction speed, and the child\’s actions will become slower. The way children interact with their parents is the initial template for their interpersonal interactions, upon which they develop relationships with other people. If a child interacts poorly with their parents, it may be more difficult to interact with others. Although temperament is innate, parents\’ parenting style can change it. If the parenting style is suitable for the child\’s temperament, it will lay the foundation for the child to form a good character. For difficult children, it is very important for parents to have a gentle and persistent attitude. Gentleness means that parents should actively respond to their children\’s emotional needs, be warmer and more patient. The emotions of parents, especially the mother, the child\’s primary caregiver, are very important for children to develop emotional management skills. At the behavioral level, once parents set rules, they must be implemented consistently. This type of children requires higher parenting skills from their parents.