The highest state of raising a second child is for them not to be brothers and sisters!

One day not long ago, I took Xiao Nuo to play downstairs after dinner. Not long after she was riding the scooter, she met Xiao Qu, who they often played with. Xiao Qu drove a twisting car. The two children began to compete around the big flower bed in the middle of the open space to see who could ride faster, and they would even swap bikes from time to time. Xiaoqu\’s mother and I were chatting aside, occasionally glancing at the child. Not long after, Xiao Nuo came to me crying, pointed at his knee and told me that it hurt. I looked at it with my phone and saw that it was red. Although there was no bleeding, the oily skin had been scratched. It was also scratched by the rough floor, and she fell. I quickly gave her a \”blow blow\” and comforted her repeatedly. Xiaoqu\’s mother on the side asked: \”What were you playing just now? Why did you fall?\” Xiaoqu lowered her head and said nothing. It turned out that Xiaoqu tripped Xiaonuo when she was running, so she was embarrassed. Xiaoqu\’s mother asked Xiaoqu to say sorry, and Xiaonuo replied with tears in her eyes: \”It\’s okay.\” She raised her arms, wiped her tears with her sleeves, and took Xiaoqu to learn the square dance from her grandmothers. I couldn\’t help but think, what would happen if it wasn\’t Xiaoqu who tripped her up, but her sister Xiaoxi? Most likely Xiao Nuo would rush over and hit her sister. If Xiao Nuo only hit her once, her sister might tolerate it because she was wrong, but if Xiao Nuo continued to hit her, her sister would definitely protest: I didn’t mean it… So when I came home from playing, I asked Xiao Nuo in the elevator : \”Xiaoqu tripped you just now, have you forgiven her?\” \”I\’ve forgiven her a long time ago.\” \”Why did you forgive her all of a sudden?\” \”Because she is my friend!\” \”Well, Ken It\’s good to forgive others.\” One day a few months ago, Xiao Nuo\’s mother told me that she was busy for a few days and could not pick up her child on time, and asked me to help pick up her son Azhe that day. Xiaonuo was very excited after I agreed, looking forward to the day coming soon and being able to get off school with Azhe. That day I got into the car with my two children and set off to pick up my sister Xiaoxi a few kilometers away. There was only one safety seat in the car, and Xiao Nuo took the initiative to let Ah Zhe sit in it. On the way, Xiao Nuo played Azhe stories from the story machine as if he were presenting a treasure, and the two children burst into cheerful laughter from time to time. When we arrived at the parking lot of my sister\’s school, it was still early and we had to wait in the car for half an hour. I took out yogurt and snacks for them to eat. Xiao Nuo took out a stack of picture books from the car seat. After I talked about one book, I was so tired that I left them to play by themselves. I went to the front row to use my official account. The two children read the storybook for a while, and Xiaonuo dug out her latest painting and \”appreciated\” it with her classmates. When I was drifting off to sleep, I heard them exclaim in surprise. When I turned around, I found that Azhe had accidentally torn a long gash in one of Xiao Nuo\’s \”masterpieces\”, and the whole painting was almost split into two. Azhe was shocked for a moment, holding the paper in both hands and saying nothing. To my surprise, Xiao Nuo took the initiative and said, \”Forget it, it doesn\’t matter, just go back and ask my mother to repair it with transparent glue.\” After they handed me this \”injured\” painting, they continued happily play. I was very pleased with Xiao Nuo\’s \”tolerance and generosity\” towards Azhe. As a mother of two children who had been tortured by the quarrel between her two children, I especially hoped to find the secret of making the children tolerate and understand each other. So, after sending Azhe back that night,, while I was repairing her painting with Xiao Nuo, I asked: \”Aren\’t you angry today when Azhe tore up your painting?\” \”No!\” \”Then sometimes my sister breaks your things, why are you so angry?\” Are you angry?\” \”Azhe is my classmate, but my sister is not!\” Yes, children are willing to forgive someone because there is friendship between them. You are my good friend, so if you do something wrong, I won\’t care. I am your classmate. I accidentally hurt you. Are you willing to forgive me? And between two children, especially those with a big age difference like ours, there isn\’t much friendship because they can\’t play together at all. The age difference between Xiaoxi and Xiaonuo is more than 7 years, and they went to school 8 years apart. When Xiaoxi was in second grade, Xiaonuo was born. When Xiao Nuo was more than two years old and could make some simple exchanges, her sister was already in the fourth or fifth grade. She chased TFboys, watched the TV show Running Man, and her favorite extracurricular book was \”Charlie IX\”. While Xiao Nuo was scribbling all over the wall, Xiao Xi was already keen on designing online scenario games. Nowadays, Xiao Nuo spends all day saying that she is a princess and waving her magic wand to change things everywhere, while Xiao Xi has already entered adolescence and is rebellious and serious. Carefully recalling the years they spent together, from the initial neglect of the elder sister to the younger sister, to the subsequent teasing of kittens and puppies, to the constant quarrels, it seems that there is really no friendship at all. Of course, there are good times between them. For example, when I go out for business and leave my sisters at home, my sister will take care of her, tell her stories, play with her, and even cook for her when it’s meal time; another example is that my sister takes care of her. She would protect her sister when she went to play in the community, climbed rockeries and played on slides. But that\’s not \”friendship.\” Because the relationship between them is not equal, but a relationship of \”sister takes care of younger sister\”, \”sister lets younger sister\”, \”sister leads and manages younger sister\”. When two people are friends, their tolerance and understanding are mutual. When two people are sisters, there are many implicit conditions: the younger sister must listen to the elder sister, the elder sister must take care of the younger sister, etc. If one party\’s behavior does not meet the conditions, it will cause a quarrel. For example, if the younger sister does not obey the older sister\’s instructions, the older sister will have to exercise her authority, which will most likely trigger resistance from the younger sister. In the previous example, if the person who broke Xiao Nuo\’s painting was not her classmate Azhe, but her sister, if her sister immediately and sincerely apologized, Xiao Nuo would probably forgive her. If she didn\’t apologize in time like Azhe, based on experience, Xiao Nuo would never let it go. She would probably destroy something of her sister\’s, and the war would begin, and her mother would start going crazy… Want to understand this? After a while, I envy those families where the age gap between their second children is small. The children can keep each other company and grow up together. There is both family affection and friendship between them. Of course, it may be harder for parents to take care of two children of about the same age. Generally speaking, if the age difference between second children is more than 5 years, it will be more difficult for them to play together. Their growth process is closer to that of only children. Such two children are like two only children raised by their parents. But our children are almost the same ageWith such a big difference, is there any way to make them have a little more friendship? I have thought about this for a long time and made some attempts. Today I will share my experience for your reference: Provide toys that we can play with together. Two or three months ago, my sister Xiaoxi had to play with beads for a quarter of an hour every day due to amblyopia in her right eye. , for this reason I bought a box for each of the sisters, with slightly different beads. After receiving the goods, the sisters liked it very much and actively strung various bracelets and necklaces every day. The two of them were still discussing: I will give you a five-pointed star in exchange for a butterfly, and you will exchange purple for my blue. This was almost the first time the sisters played with a toy peacefully from beginning to end, without yelling or asking their mother for comment. I was really touched when they complimented each other on the beautiful necklaces they wore and thanked each other for their support and sponsorship. When playing with beads, the younger sister does not need the help of the older sister. The older sister has no obligation to guide the younger sister. They have become pure playmates. There are many similar things, such as two packs of different snacks, which they can exchange and share with each other. Creating Opportunities for Cooperation One weekend, we decided to make a snack together. The ingredients were pumpkin, glutinous rice flour, bean paste, sugar, etc. The sisters may not really like eating this snack, but they enjoyed the process of making it. And the sense of accomplishment after doing it well. We went to the supermarket together to buy raw materials. On the way, I assigned tasks to the two sisters: the elder sister was responsible for remembering to buy pumpkin and glutinous rice flour, and the younger sister was responsible for remembering to buy red bean paste and white sugar. Mom is only responsible for buying groceries. The sisters reviewed what they wanted to buy from time to time along the way, and they did not forget to remind each other when they arrived at the supermarket. After shopping, the two sisters each carried the ingredients they were responsible for. It was rare that there was no argument or noise throughout the process. This kind of cooperation opportunity allows them to put aside the \”superior-subordinate\” relationship like sisters and become more akin to an equal \”colleague\” relationship. There are many holidays to exchange small gifts in the first half of the year. After the Spring Festival, there are Dragon Boat Festival, Children’s Day, Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, etc. Before the Dragon Boat Festival and Children\’s Day, I remind the two children to give each other gifts. Although most of the gifts given by my sister are her own graffiti or stickers that my sister has long disliked, my sister still expresses her sincere gratitude. The elder sister may have given them beautiful erasers and other stationery. Although the younger sister doesn\’t use them much, in her opinion, everything about her elder sister is good. Sending gifts to each other instead of unilateral contributions can help the eldest child to let go of the idea of ​​\”parental favoritism\” and also make the second child feel that he is not treated as a child. When I take my children out more often, I find that the two sisters are very friendly every time I go out. The younger sister is sometimes more dependent and obedient to her older sister rather than her mother. I talked about this with Nuo Xi’s father once, and he joked: “My children are friendly as soon as they leave the house, and fight as soon as they enter the house. Do you mean our family’s feng shui is bad?” Of course, it’s not a feng shui problem; In a strange environment, they face the same new things, go on \”adventures\” and experiences together, and become closer to friends than sisters, so conflicts will naturally be reduced.