Most parents do this without realizing it will cause harm to their children

I saw a fable on the Internet, which roughly tells the story of a lion who was tagged with a donkey on his tail. He was very angry and could not tear it off no matter how hard he went. He would carry the tag with him wherever he went. After other animals saw it, they would point to its label and say: \”Look, this is a donkey.\” The lion didn\’t believe it at first, but after hearing other animals calling it \”donkey\” too many times, it began to doubt itself. \’s true identity. It asked another lion: \”Do you also think I am a donkey?\” The other lion said: \”Although you look like us lions, you are obviously a donkey. It is written on your tail.\” Gradually, This lion really feels like a donkey. I talk about this fable because one night when I was taking my children for a walk downstairs in the community, I was sitting and chatting with a group of mothers. I found that a small number of mothers like to say when evaluating their children: My children are just disobedient. My child is not as well-behaved as yours. I don’t know what I will do when I go to school. My child is slow in everything he does and doesn’t know what to say to be effective. My child is very overbearing and loves to grab things. How should I educate him? …These comments remind me of the lion who was labeled a “donkey” in the fable. Sometimes we give children some negative comments, and it is easy to label them, which affects their self-evaluation. Just like the lion in the fable, over time, they identify with the content of the label and think that they are disobedient and slow. Tuntun means domineering… There is a word in psychology called \”labeling effect\” for the influence of labeling. That is, when a person is labeled by the outside world with a certain word name, he will manage his self-image. Align your behavior with the content of the label. The labeling effect has also been verified in experiments. In 1973, psychologist Kraut conducted an experiment. He asked people to donate to charity, and then used a labeling method to label some people as \”charitable\” or \”uncharitable\” based on whether they donated. But some people do not use labeling. When they were asked to donate again later, the label they attached had the influence of making them act in the same way as the first time. That is, those who donated money for the first time and were labeled as \”charitable\” were better than those who donated money for the first time. Those who had not donated money the first time were labeled as \”uncharitable\” and those who did not donate money contributed less than those who did not donate money the first time. People are very easily influenced creatures, and labeling can cause great psychological implications for people, especially children. For children, their mental abilities and cognitive abilities are in their infancy, and their ability to identify themselves is weak. External evaluations can easily affect children\’s self-evaluation and behavior. In particular, parents\’ evaluations are very authoritative for children and will make them develop in the direction of the labels given by their parents and think that this is what they are. The so-called labeling is easy, but it is difficult to remove the label. It can be said that children are the most susceptible to the labeling effect. Their cognition is not yet perfect. If we label children, they will easily use this label to position themselves. For example, being evaluated by parents as\”Domineering\” children may not be able to get along well with other children easily due to psychological cues. So, how do you avoid labeling your children? The most important thing is to discuss the matter. Raising children is a huge undertaking. When we take care of our children, especially when they make mistakes, it is easy for us to be careless and blame the child, forgetting to take care of the child\’s self-esteem. Ignore that for children, any comment from parents is not a small matter. I myself sometimes do this when I\’m anxious, but I always remind myself that when I want to talk about my child, I should think for ten seconds first, don\’t judge him, and talk about the current matter. For example, when teaching a child to memorize a word, if the child still doesn\’t know how to memorize it after several times of teaching, rather than calling him or her \”stupid\”, it\’s better to say that the word is not difficult. The reason why we can\’t remember it now is because we remember it less and remember it more times. Just remember it. Many of the behaviors of children have their reasons. When we want to comment on something about our children, we might as well understand more about the reasons behind it. In this way, it will not only help us to discuss things as they are and avoid labeling. It can also help us better understand the current development status of our children. Every child is unique, has his or her own development characteristics, and has his or her own growth rate, which cannot be categorized by a simple word. Most parents love their children, but it’s easy to love them so deeply and blame them so much that they accidentally label them. At this time, take a deep breath and tell yourself to relax, think more about things, and judge your children less. I believe that both children and parents will get better and better.