Giving children a certain right to choose is the best gift to accompany their growth.

I have always regarded diligence as a complete compliment. It was not until I met many parents who were diligent in helping their children make choices that I realized that some diligence is the wishful thinking of parents and is also a disaster for their children. I met Sister Han when I was on vacation at the beach. She looked to be in her forties, but she was actually only thirty-two years old. We have been living together for the past few days, and I have seen her very busy every day. The five-year-old child was chased all over the restaurant to feed him because he didn\’t eat the vegetables prescribed by Sister Han. When her children go to the playground, she will dictate which toys they play with because some toys are dangerous and should not be touched. Just as the child was about to pick up the food, Sister Han quickly peeled a shrimp and put it in the child\’s mouth, but the child immediately spit it out because he wanted to eat the kelp next to it. Sister Han did almost nothing else and kept her eyes on her son. When the child needed to make a choice, she immediately appeared as a substitute. I asked the child what he wanted to drink. He was looking at the drink drawing on the wall and thinking. Sister Han immediately said: Warm milk! No other children can drink it. The child immediately turned and walked away without interest. The child was going to buy some artificial centipedes to take home as gifts for the children, but Sister Han asked him to buy shell wind chimes because the centipedes might scare the children. But the child seemed very dissatisfied with his mother\’s decision. He cried and said: I hate my mother, my mother is bad. Sister Han was unmoved and resolutely paid for the wind chime. She said confidently: I am doing it for your own good. I discovered that she spent all her energy and time on her children. She had to check everything the children did, big or small, and help them make choices, so she had no time to dress up and take care of herself. I asked her if she was always like this at home? She was right, she had to take care of everything inside and outside the home. I advised her, why not let go and let the children make their own choices? Sister Han said helplessly: You think I don\’t want to, but you really can\’t worry about it. The child is too young to judge, and if you don\’t check it, he will suffer. Parents like Sister Han who take over their duties are too common in our lives. When I was young, my parents decided what clothes my children should buy. Parents have to ask what kind of friends their children make. Parents have to choose for their children which interest classes they should attend. When the child gets older, the parents will have to decide for him which school to study and what major. Parents have to worry about how old their children are when they fall in love and get married. Children must listen to their parents about what kind of job they choose. Parents who do this seem to be diligent, but they don\’t know that the damage caused by this unprincipled diligence to their children is permanent. Children who are deprived of the right to choose tend to have two extreme personalities. A kind of child blindly obeys the parents\’ choices, loses the ability of self-judgment, becomes timid and withdrawn, has a poor sense of self-reliance, relies on parents for everything, and cannot make decisions on his own. Another kind of child has been suppressed for too long and will be rebellious and reckless when he grows up, because he subconsciously feels that his parents will follow him to protect him, and it doesn\’t matter how much trouble he causes. Children\’s abilities cannot be exercised and grown. Helping children choose deprives them of the opportunity to exercise their abilities from an early age, which is very unfair to children. When children face small choices to analyze and judge, their ability to deal with things will increase as they grow older, and only when they are older will they be able to face major events in life. Children cannot appreciate the meaning of life. psychologyJiawu Zhihong once said: The meaning of a life lies in choice. Only by constantly making choices for one\’s own life can one be considered alive. On the contrary, if one\’s life is always chosen by others, then this person can be said to have lived in vain. Why do many young people with good conditions and parents who love them have the urge to commit suicide? Partly because their parents helped them make choices along the way, he couldn\’t find the joy of life. Affect normal parent-child relationship. For parents, they have paid so much, and if their children are not outstanding, there will be a psychological gap. They may say over and over again: I have done so much for you, and this is how you passed the test. I\’ve done everything for you, but I just asked you to study, and you still can\’t learn well. Am I easy? I worry about you every day. Such complaints increase the child\’s pressure and burden, and even lead to boredom, which has a negative impact on the parent-child relationship. Submerged in this kind of micromanaging parenting, parents can easily lose themselves. What are the consequences of giving choices back to children? Psychologists once conducted a research experiment on child psychology: they found some overweight children and divided them into two groups: AB. In the experiment, children in group A implemented a weight loss plan according to the recommendations of weight loss experts. All weight loss actions were chosen by weight loss experts, who are the authorities in their minds. Children in Group B can freely choose their weight loss plan based on the advice of weight loss experts. In other words, you have the final say on how to lose weight. During the weight loss period, weight loss experts constantly reminded the children in Group B that their weight loss plan was their own choice. Three months later, the experimenters found that the children in group B who chose their own weight loss plan generally lost more weight than the children in group A. Therefore, psychologists believe that when children can make their own choices freely, they will internalize their behavior to the greatest extent, give them more responsibility for their choices, and have more motivation to act. Increase self-control and responsibility. For what they choose, in order to prove that they are right, they will work harder to achieve their goals and be better able to regulate their behavior, because they subconsciously restrain themselves to be responsible for themselves. Abilities are exercised and improved. During the selection process, children\’s judgment and thinking abilities can be exercised and improved. The experience of choosing correctly or failing will become a valuable asset for his growth, enrich his life experience, and provide reference for the future path. Increased awareness of autonomy. Children who are independent since childhood will be more independent when they grow up, have a strong sense of autonomy, and are less dependent on their parents and teachers. Such children are also better able to survive and compete in a complex society. Know how to cherish more. Children will love and cherish the things they get from the choices they make more. Because this is a decision made by oneself after thinking and weighing. Things that are made with care can always be better cared for, and the same is true for choices. Enhance children\’s self-confidence. Giving children the freedom to choose what they want and the games they want to play is very important for the growth of children\’s self-confidence. They subconsciously believe that they can do it, and they also believe that they have the ability to make the right choice. Promote parent-child relationshipThe relationship is more harmonious. If children are deprived of their right to choose, they will become bored with their parents. Properly giving children the right to choose means respecting and trusting children. When children receive the trusting eyes of their parents, they naturally become closer to them. For parents who are diligent in helping their children make choices, once their children resist a little bit, such parents will always say: I am doing it for your own good, I am afraid… This is completely understandable, everyone has the anxiety of raising children. But no one can replace the growth of a child, and no one can protect a child for a lifetime. Therefore, we should not hinder the long-term development of children in order to provide them with temporary convenience. Being lazy in the process of raising children and giving them the right to choose is rational love. Recognize the importance of choice for children. Parents should understand from the bottom of their hearts the importance of choice to their children and pay attention to soliciting their children\’s opinions. Children are mentally immature, and their choices may cause you some trouble, but please believe that this is also one of the joys of raising children. Timely guidance is essential. Give your children a relaxed environment for growth, try to turn your requests for your children into suggestions, and tell your children what they would do if they were you. If it is determined that the child\’s choice will bring bad consequences, the pros and cons should be analyzed for the child, let the child know the advantages and disadvantages of doing so, and guide the child to make the right choice. But if the child insists, tell him the price he must bear for such a choice. Give children limited choices. In his little world, parents ensure that the direction is correct and the child is safe, and let him make other choices and be the master of himself. It is necessary to set boundaries for children. There is absolute freedom within the boundaries, but the bottom line must not be touched, otherwise the child may be self-centered and unable to listen to other people\’s opinions. Awaken children\’s sense of autonomy. Many children have become obedient and have no sense of autonomy. They often suppress themselves and do not express their opinions. Parents should start asking for their opinions on small things around them, such as ordering food in a restaurant, such as what time to finish homework. wait. Enrich yourself to be a role model for your children. There is a saying that goes well: third-rate parents are nannies, second-rate parents are instructors, and first-rate parents are role models. Peaches and plums, the next from Seikei. If we want our children to be better, the best way is not to help them make choices again and again according to our own wishes, but to enrich ourselves and strive to become better role models. The growth of children requires our rational love, not our unprincipled diligence. Giving children the right to choose will also give their lives more meaning.