Why don\’t parents divorce for the sake of their children? The reason behind it is sad

When I was in college, there was a girl named Xiaojuan in the dormitory. She often lost her temper for no apparent reason and would throw things around at every turn. When everyone was chatting and laughing happily, Xiaojuan would think they were laughing at her. Not many classmates in the dormitory could play with her. Later, there was a speech contest in the school, and Xiaojuan participated. She talked about her childhood shadow. Xiaojuan\’s parents often quarreled. Whenever they quarreled, they would curse each other with the most vicious words. Until she was seven years old, their relationship completely broke down. But in order to give Xiaojuan a complete family, they made do with it and have not divorced yet. They agreed to go through the divorce procedures when Xiaojuan graduates from college. Xiaojuan said that when she was a child, she ranked first in exams and was a top student every year, just to make her parents happy and work hard to repair the relationship between them. Mom and dad couldn\’t speak a few words a day, and the house was as cold as an ice cave. Mom often said to Xiaojuan, if it weren\’t for you, we would have divorced a long time ago, and you must live up to your expectations. In this way, Xiaojuan endured heavy psychological pressure until she reached middle school, and she chose to live on campus. She doesn\’t want to go home every weekend. Home is like a bottomless abyss to her. It wasn\’t until she went to college that Xiaojuan began to suffer from insomnia. Even when she fell asleep, she would have nightmares all night long. She found that her emotions were often out of control and she could easily get angry. She tested herself to be mildly depressed. Xiaojuan vowed that if her marriage failed to survive in the future, she would not make do for the sake of her children, because her children really could not bear the pressure. The speech was wonderful and moved many students. Xiaojuan won the first prize, which also impressed me deeply. After graduation, we went our separate ways, and the recent class reunion brought us together again. We chatted about our current situation, and I learned that after Xiaojuan\’s parents divorced, his father had remarried, and her mother has not yet reorganized her family. The mother vented her deep resentment on her, saying that if I hadn\’t divorced you because of you, I would have found my destination long ago. As for being alone in old age like this? The relationship between mother and daughter was once in a tense situation. Xiaojuan is 32 years old and has not yet been married. She said that since she was a child, she has seen the ferocious expressions on her parents\’ faces when they quarreled, the endless cold war, and the pain they endured. The quarrels between her parents have been implanted in her. Her soul made her afraid of marriage, and she always overcame the obstacles in her heart. This is what the child who \”does not divorce for the sake of the children\” looks like when she grows up. It happened to me. I wanted to help her but found that I was powerless. In China, there is a kind of relationship that breaks up but does not divorce. It is for the sake of the children. There is a kind of coldness that makes the mother feel cold to you. There is also a kind of for your own good that makes the mother do it for your own good. But who really understands what children’s needs are? Children need a warm family, children need parents to love each other, children do not need you to wrong yourself for him, or even sacrifice your own youth to fulfill the child\’s future. \”For the sake of the child\” is the wishful thinking of parents. If a marriage has reached a dead end and you can\’t get out of it, ending it is not necessarily a bad thing. Maybe it will make you reborn. The worst-case scenario is that you won\’t be miserable and tired at all, but at least you will have freedom and equality and don\’t have to live a noisy life. There was once a reader who read my novel and gave meI wrote a letter, also talking about the topic of whether parents should not divorce for the sake of their children. His name is Zhao Lei and he is a doctor. Zhao Lei said that when he was a child, his parents argued every day. When the quarrel was at its worst, the dishes and cups at home were shattered all over the floor, and the furniture was toppled. He was left crying and cleaning up alone, and even scratched his hand on the glass. When his mother was three months pregnant, his father got drunk and went crazy, punching and kicking his mother. Her mother had a miscarriage, and she cried while holding Zhao Lei. At that time, Zhao Lei was thinking, why didn\’t they divorce? When Zhao Lei grew up to about 12 years old, his parents still refused to divorce. His mother said that because of you, even if he beat him to death, she would not divorce. He asked his mother, would you get divorced without me? His mother was stunned there, unable to say a word. Gradually, Zhao Lei became violent and often fought with his classmates at school. Every time Zhao Lei had a fight, he would think of his father beating his mother, and he secretly hated his father. Later, he talked to his parents separately and held a family meeting, saying that if you really can\’t live together, don\’t stay divorced because of me. Regardless of whether you are separated or not, you are still my father and my mother. No matter what decision you make, I have no objection. Zhao Lei said that it was the best decision he made in his life. Later, his parents really divorced and he lived with his mother. He didn\’t know why he suddenly felt relaxed, as if he was liberated. Two years later, his mother remarried, her face became rosier day by day, and she smiled more than before. His father is also living better than before and has changed a lot. He is no longer the drunken, violent and savage father. Zhao Lei felt that if he had tried to persuade him to reconcile but not to divorce, he would have suffered from depression now, and his parents would have lived like zombies in this unbearable marriage, struggling for the sake of their children. When his parents leave this world, he may live with guilt for the rest of his life. Fortunately, he made his position clear back then and dispelled his parents\’ concerns. Do you often hear words like this: \”The child is still young, so we can\’t divorce for the sake of the child!\” \”If you divorce, the child will be so pitiful. Without a complete family, he will be a dwarf wherever he goes.\” \”For the sake of the child, no matter how hard it is, no matter how hard it is, You can\’t get divorced, and divorced women are guilty!\” These are Chinese-style moral kidnappings. In the name of the good of the children, they persuade two people who no longer love each other to make do with each other. How can you know the tears of fish if they are not in water? You are not them , how do you know how painful they are going through? There is also that sentence, \”Everything is for the children.\” Doesn\’t it cause enough urban problems that Chinese-style families do everything for the children? For the sake of the children, parents can pretend to love each other. For the sake of the children, the parents use their meager wages to enroll the children in the best interest classes. For the sake of the children, we save money and take them to have a big meal. The children eat while we watch. For the sake of children, you can go against your own heart and act out a romantic drama in a loveless marriage. Do you think your child doesn’t understand anything? Children are the most sensitive people. Whenever there are subtle changes in the relationship between parents, children can sense it immediately. Just like my daughter, every time her dad and I have a conflict, she always asks me if dad loves you. SometimesHe would also cry suddenly in the middle of the night. If one day my marriage comes to an end, I will truthfully tell my daughter that although mom and dad are divorced, you are still our daughter and the parent-child relationship between us will not change. There is a Chinese saying that it is better to demolish ten temples than regret one marriage. I write this article not to advise everyone to divorce, but to hope that everyone will treat marriage rationally. Don\’t turn a blind eye when problems arise in your marriage. Problems that need to be solved must be solved. Once your marriage reaches a desperate situation, don\’t make do for the sake of your children. Doing so will not only ruin the rest of your life, but also the life of your children. Why don\’t parents divorce for the sake of their children? because of love. In fact, parents should put themselves first. The more \”selfish\” parents are, the more loving their children will be. Because of love, it is worth meeting a better version of yourself so that you can educate better children.