Baby, this separation is your path to independence and my path to growth.

These days, everyone is talking about the issue of children entering school. Especially when a child enters kindergarten for the first time. The parents are even more nervous than the children. Why do some children get through this stage successfully? But some children are surrounded by separation anxiety and have difficulty adapting for a long time? This is often related to the child\’s inner sense of security. Starting from the birth of the child. Their hearts have been receiving the love and psychological nourishment given by their parents. This kind of love does not mean that I feed you, clothe you, take care of you three meals a day, so that you do not get sick and can grow up healthily, it is love. This kind of love alone is not enough. I still remember taking my son to the hospital for a physical examination a few days ago. I told him in advance, \”I know how to draw blood! Are you afraid?\” \”I\’m not afraid, but does it hurt?\” \”It hurts a little, like being pricked by a needle, but it goes away in no time.\” Then he Go into line with confidence. There were two little girls standing in line in front, while a little boy was waiting in his father\’s arms to have his blood drawn. He kept crying and asked his mother, \”Does it hurt?\” \”No, baby, close your eyes.\” \”What is this, Mom?\” He pointed to the needle. Mom had nothing to say. He just kept crying. A little girl next to me said, \”Be strong!\” This made everyone laugh. They are all asking their babies, \”Are you strong enough?\” I also looked at my son, \”You are a man, are you strong enough?\” He raised his arms, eager to show off his bravery. That little girl is really brave, but she can also be nervous. Because the blood vessels constricted and couldn\’t be found when the blood vessels were tense, the nurse kept looking for it. It took almost a minute, and the needle was still in the skin. Later, the child may have relaxed a little and the blood was drawn smoothly. When the son stretched out his arm, there was no resistance. But I could feel the obvious tension in his little body. When he was halfway through the stroke, he also frowned and let out an ouch. But didn\’t cry. I asked him if he wanted to cry? He said it hurt a little, but he was fine. From this small blood draw, we can see the different status of each child. The same mental state can also be seen. They will all feel pain and feel nervous. But some children can control their emotions and do not cry. Some children were emotionally shattered and cried the whole time. The control of emotions often reflects a child\’s psychological maturity. Children will also feel anxious and nervous when they enter school for the first time. It can be said that every child will have separation anxiety at school. Parents should be mentally prepared for this and do not blame their children for being a special case. The definition of separation anxiety refers to the anxiety, uneasiness, or unpleasant emotional reaction of infants and young children caused by being separated from their relatives, also known as separation anxiety. In fact, this has existed since children were very young. It was just that the intensity was even greater when I entered school, and many of the psychological deficiencies that had existed before suddenly exploded. When it comes to resolving separation anxiety, the answer isn\’t in the here and now. In the years before separation, let’s see whether the child received enough psychological nourishment and whether his heart was safe enough? Most children will obviously show this kind of separation anxiety from seven to eight months old, and some children even earlier. For example, just bornChildren cannot be separated from their parents for a moment. They will cry to attract their parents\’ attention, because their parents\’ presence can ensure their safety. In infancy, at 6 months, the child will feel: Mom and I are one, and mom and I are one person. The mother is the baby\’s mirror. The child sees his own existence in the mother\’s eyes, and the child is truly seen. And they believe that their parents will never come back once they leave. For example, if a child is in the room, the caregiver cannot take his eyes off him for a moment. Because he felt that the person who disappeared from behind the door had really disappeared, and he would feel scared. So the child asks for companionship and holding. In children aged 0 to 2 years old, the most important thing is to cultivate a sense of security. During the first year of life, children are very fragile and almost completely dependent on adult care. If the mother can properly meet the needs of the child during this period, the child will feel loving and warm. When a young child feels that he is dependent and does not have to worry that his mother will leave him or lose care, he will develop what Erikson calls a \”basic sense of trust.\” The reason why many people feel insecure is that \”basic trust\” was not formed during infancy and early childhood. So when it comes time to separate, they react strongly. When children enter school from home, especially when they enter kindergarten for the first time, their environment will change dramatically, which is called the \”psychological weaning period.\” Many children have excessive reactions at this stage and are anxious for a long time, which can easily reduce the child\’s resistance. Children who have just entered kindergarten are often prone to colds, fevers, etc. Sometimes they are unwilling to go to school or socialize with other children, and some even last for several years. If the previous sense of security cultivation period is missed, the child will lack a sense of security and basic trust. Is there any way to make up for it? Provide children with psychological nutrition. Parents should reflect on their lives. Have they neglected their children? In particular, look at whether you are not paying attention to the child\’s heart and are only giving him material guarantees? Please give your child enough time to accompany you, especially high-quality companionship: for example, reading storybooks with your child; going for a run or playing sports together; and playing with a toy together. The key is to do it together, rather than the child doing the child\’s and you doing your own on the side. Some parents say that in order to make their children independent, they send their children to their grandparents\’ homes so that they are no longer dependent on their mothers. They were even sent to daycare when they were over 1 year old, saying that it would make the children more independent. The result is that children are often doted on by the elderly, making it even more difficult for them to become independent. Or they were cared for in day care but lost their inner sense of security. The child and the mother are always separated. The mother cannot meet the child\’s needs, and the parent-child relationship is very unstable. This has a great impact on the child, and the lack of love is very serious. If a person\’s heart is filled with a sense of lack of love, and if he has not been healed, he will always be looking for his mother\’s love no matter how old he grows. Children who feel secure are better able to become independent. Parental attention and intimate love are the two keys for children to form a \”secure attachment\” relationship. Children need active attention. \”When I\’m unhappy, I feel sad. My emotions need to be seen, and regardless of my intentions, I firstI first hope that someone will pay attention to my emotions instead of ignoring and attacking them. \”This can make children feel that they are loved and valued by their parents. So sometimes my son comes to me with his toys with a sad look on his face and says, \”Dad, my wheel has fallen off.\” \”Actually, at this time, he just hopes that I can respond to his feelings. \”Are you unhappy, or daddy to fix it for you. \”No matter how busy you are, you must pay attention to your children\’s problems, because that is a big deal in their eyes.\” Okay! \”At this time, my son immediately became happy and waited for me to tinker with him. Even if the repair cannot be done, the child will not be sad because his parents feel his emotions and actively help him, and this is enough. There are many children Time does not require much, just a concerned look or a hug from the parents. Or a touch on the head or a pat on the shoulder. Let the child be paid attention to, and the child will feel that the world is full of love and understanding, rather than indifference and neglect. Intimacy Love will provide a safe base for the child\’s growth, and he will trust his parents\’ words. When his parents tell him, \”I will pick you up at 5 p.m. and take you home.\” \”The children will believe what their parents say, integrate into the school with peace of mind, and wait for their parents to arrive. Let the children experience this never-ending relationship. They are not alone and will not be abandoned. They feel that the world around them is safe and stable. . This is the core of the formation of children\’s sense of security. We expect children to have beautiful characters, such as kindness, tolerance, courage, confidence, independence, and patience. This is all based on an individual who is loved and respected. Every child has to go through such a special journey: from absolute dependence, relative dependence, to independence. What we have to do is to be beside the child at every stage and be a watchman. A little poem for you To every child who enters school, and also to the little fish who is about to enter kindergarten: \”The Road to Independence\” Baby, I know that one day, I will have to face your leaving figure, even though I have rehearsed that day countless times in my heart, I\’m still as nervous as you and I said firmly: \”Go, go\” because I will always be there. I may not be by your side, but you can see me in your every move. You look back at me. I\’m here. You need me. I\’m here. You run straight forward, I watch you from a distance, you are too scared to move forward, I accompany you, if you want to be a ship on a long voyage, I will be a harbor for you to return and rest. This is your road to independence. My path to growth, baby