Does your child have poor concentration and is impetuous? Be careful, you are \”ripening\” your child

A few days ago, I was chatting with a friend and when the topic of \”slow parenting\” came up, she told the story of a child learning to tie his shoelaces, which inspired me a lot. When her daughter was more than three years old, there was a period of time when she was very interested in putting on her own shoes and always wanted to put on the buckles by herself. At first, he couldn\’t put it on properly, so the child would sit on the ground and tinker with it for a long time. At this time, often when she is about to go out, the adults have already packed up and are waiting for her. Sometimes, the grandma gets impatient and urges the child: \”Stop messing around, let your mother help you put it on.\” At this time, the friend will calm down and tell the child: \”Don\’t worry, take your time, mother is waiting for you.\” Until the child puts on his shoes and goes out happily with the adults. It doesn\’t matter if the buckle is loose or tight, or even if the shoe is worn backwards. If the child feels uncomfortable walking, just adjust it and it will be fine. It didn’t take long for the child to become more and more skilled in putting on shoes. I asked my friend: \”How did you react when your child finally put on her shoes? Will you praise her?\” My friend said: \”I won\’t praise her or encourage her specifically for this. Just treat it as a normal thing and put on her shoes.\” Just go out now.\” We all know what Long Yingtai said: \”Child, take your time.\” Why do you have to take your time? Because growth is inherently slow. Every child has his own pace of growth. What adults have to do is respect his pace, slow down, wait for him, and provide timely guidance. Why slow? Because only in this way can we cultivate a child with a profound foundation and a strong sense of happiness. Raising slowly helps children develop their concentration. Sometimes, when a child fails to do something repeatedly and becomes a little frustrated, he asks his mother for help. Friends will tell her: \”It is said that some numbers are magical, such as 7, such as 12. When you do this for the 7th or 12th time, the magic will work and you will succeed. Come on. Do you want to try it?\” The child thought it was fun and started trying it over and over again. Practice makes perfect. The more you try, the more proficient you will become. In this process of repeated practice, children will try various methods, try this, try that, and constantly explore more effective methods. In the process of exploration, when you encounter problems and find ways to solve them, you focus on this matter. Unknowingly, your concentration is developed. Through repeated attempts and practice, children\’s abilities are improved. Many times, the child seems to be dawdling, but in fact, he is practicing using his own strength to solve problems. Take the matter of tying shoelaces. Children\’s body movements are not yet coordinated, especially some fine movements, and the cooperation between fingers and brain is not yet skilled enough. Practice again and again, which is to use body movements to stimulate the neural response pathways of the brain again and again. The more you practice, the neural pathways will be established. Clumsy-skilled-automatic reaction is the only way to master a skill. Just like typing, we use our index finger to type letters one by one at the beginning. Once we practice more, we can type quickly without thinking. The improvement of ability is inseparable from step-by-step practice. Give your child some time. Whenever you are a little impatient, want to urge your children, or want to help your children, you might as well imagine this.At this time, the nerve cells in the child\’s brain are constantly connecting, opening up a new neural pathway. If you think about it this way, you may have more patience. Raising slowly will build a child\’s calm and tenacious character. Let the child take his time, and he will realize that it is not only the results that are fun, but also the process itself. Yueyue was obsessed with making animations for a while. She drew by herself, recorded by herself, and then cooperated with the voice-over. She turned the pages with one hand and recorded the video with the other. She was very busy in the hut. After working for more than two hours, I finally produced a two-minute \”cartoon\”. \”One minute on stage, ten years of hard work off stage\”, this truth does not need to be explained by my mother, Yueyue has realized it from personal practice: there is no casual success. To accomplish something, you need to try and practice repeatedly, go through a lot of trivial matters, and solve a lot of problems. Even, even if you try again and again, not everything will work out. ——This kind of understanding is very valuable, and it also shapes the child\’s character invisibly. When she encounters problems, she will naturally be patient and not impatient. Many parents are anxious about small things and anxious about big things. They always want their children to keep up with their own pace, or with what they consider the \”social mainstream\” pace. They think that if other people\’s children can do it, their own children should also be able to do it. Comparisons begin from the time the children are born, including who is bigger, who can walk first, who can recite more Tang poems, who has good grades, who has a good job… When children develop slower and weaker, they start to be anxious and anxious. Keep urging: Hurry up, hurry up! Seeing that I was really anxious, I couldn\’t help but help my child do it, nagging me while doing it. If urging doesn\’t work, reprimand, beat and scold, and force the child to do it. If you see that learning the piano is good, let your children learn the piano. I saw someone else’s child winning a prize in Go, so I enrolled the child in a Go class. When I think about my children falling behind other children, I feel very impatient and anxious. They can\’t wait for their child to grow naturally or for his child\’s personality to emerge, but they try their best to \”ripen\” him. The results of it? Often, haste makes waste. Have you ever seen a child who has been \”ripened\”? They often behave like this – making others responsible for their own affairs and blaming their faults on others. Because anxious parents will often cross the line to interfere in their children\’s affairs and impose their will on their children. As time goes by, the children\’s affairs become the parents\’ affairs, and the children become the hands-off shopkeepers. A friend\’s child discovered that it was always those few classmates who often forgot to bring things in the class. When the teacher asked, he confidently said: \”My mother forgot to help me pretend!\” A person who cannot take responsibility for himself can easily blame others. Blame your parents, your partner, your children, this society – it\’s all your fault, that\’s why I\’m like this! Doing things with a high degree of ambition but a weak end is a start to the end. I imagine that things are easy, but when I actually start doing them, I find that it is not that simple. If I encounter a slight problem, it is easy to give up halfway. The result is that they are unable to do big things and unwilling to do small things. Yueyue’s mother told such a story. Xixi and Yueyue, who live next door, were the same age. Once, they played a treasure hunt game based on clues. In the beginning, Yueyue’s mother set up clues and the children hunted for treasure. twoThe kids had a great time. It was the children\’s turn to set the clues. It takes some thinking to design a chain of clues. Xixi soon lost her patience: \”I don\’t want to play anymore, let\’s change the game.\” Yueyue suggested that we make a children\’s drama. This is a game Yueyue often plays with her father at home. Xixi was very excited when she heard it: \”Okay, okay!\” When Xixi discovered that writing a children\’s drama also requires writing lines, finding music, and setting up plots, she quickly lost interest: \”I won\’t play anymore, I\’m going home.\” Xixi\’s mother was a little helpless: \”This child just has no personality and is frizzy in everything he does.\” As everyone knows, this frizzy character has something to do with the upbringing of his parents. Poor concentration and strong aggression. Attention needs to be cultivated, just like a friend\’s child learning to put on his shoes. Through small daily things, concentration is slowly developed. Supervision and intervention will disrupt the child\’s rhythm and fragment his concentration. If you are often urged and interfered with, and you cannot fully stretch yourself, the suppressed energy will find a breakthrough and burst out. Such children will behave aggressively. It\’s all your fault, it\’s all your fault that made me like this. The dual effects of cognition and energy will allow children to use violence to solve problems. For many children who like to use violence to solve problems, you will find that their academic performance is generally not very good because they have poor concentration and cannot concentrate on studying for a long time. These are actually related and cause each other. If a child\’s own energy is weak, his autonomy is often suppressed by the will of adults, and he cannot develop himself, he will become a sensible and \”good\” child. When Chengzi was younger, Chengzi\’s father felt that the boys were so old that they should sleep in separate rooms. Chengzi didn\’t want to, but because of his father\’s authority, he had no choice but to sleep in the hut. I know Cheng Zi is not used to it, so I will sleep with him before leaving. Orange\’s father told me many times about this: such a big child doesn\’t need to be accompanied at all, he should have slept independently by himself long ago. Sometimes, when I come back late, Chengzi can\’t sleep alone, so he calls me quietly. The child on the phone was crying and said pitifully: \”Mom, I can\’t sleep, please come back quickly.\” He didn\’t dare to look for his father, knowing that it would be useless and he might even get a scolding. For this reason, I have communicated with Orange\’s father several times: Every child has his own growth pattern. Now, if he is forced to sleep by himself, he may be able to do it on the surface, but inside he will suppress a lot of fear and loneliness, which is not worth the gain. Dad Chengzi gradually realized the problem and no longer insisted on this matter. In winter, the cabin was a little cold, so I took advantage of the situation and let Chengzi move back to the small bed in the big house to sleep. The next year, when the weather got warmer, Chengzi and I discussed sleeping in separate rooms, and this time Chengzi agreed smoothly. After a few more months, I kissed him and said good night to each other before going to bed, and I could leave without having to sleep with him anymore. Sometimes, Orange would close the door of the hut and play inside by himself, obviously not wanting us to disturb him. It took Chengzi more than two years to go from not daring to sleep alone to enjoying himself in the hut. I\’m glad that I didn\’t force him to sleep in a separate room. Cheng Zi\’s personality is already a bit sensitive, otherwise, it might make him suppress himself even more.nature. On the surface, the ripened fruit looks similar to the normally ripe fruit, even more colorful and matures earlier. However, its nutrition and taste are much worse, and it is not as rich as the naturally ripe fruit. The same is true for children who are being accelerated to maturity. Failure to respect his inner growth rhythm, constant urging and constant interference will often destroy the child. When such children grow up, even if they satisfy their parents\’ wishes and look good according to mainstream standards, only the children themselves know whether they are happy inside and whether their vitality is stretched and flying. Every child is unique and grows at his or her own pace. We always talk about respecting children, but we often neglect to respect his growth rhythm. Slow down, don\’t be so anxious, and you will see the beauty of life contained in your child\’s growth bit by bit. Life is a long time. Only by laying a good foundation can a tall building be built. Please give your children enough time to grow up.