Don\’t let this mentality ruin your child

My classmate Ali has been very busy recently. She wants her child to go to a good kindergarten. However, top kindergartens have strict entrance exams, including English tests. So Ali began to encourage her child to learn English better. She showed him English cartoons such as \”Happy Burger\” and \”SpongeBob SquarePants\” all day long. She also spent a lot of money on him and hired a one-on-one foreign teacher. She told him that entering this kindergarten was his only goal, and gave him a strict schedule to study with him from morning to night every day. The child was very unhappy, so she used hard and soft tactics to make him learn English. Ali was very afraid that her child would lose at the starting line. Other children can speak English and can go to good kindergartens. If my child is not like that, I will lose face. However, what kind of specialties a child should learn and what kind of educational institution he should enter should be decided based on his actual situation. That’s why the ancients said, “Prescribe the right medicine to the situation and tailor it to the situation.” But many parents ignore this. Their mentality is very nervous and anxious, fearing that their children will not be able to compare with other people\’s children. To a certain extent, they let their children study for their own sake; they let their children go to prestigious schools for the purpose of comparison, not to fall behind others, and to feel more confident. It is true that people go to higher places, but there is a limit to everything, and going too far is never enough. Children are still immature, and they should not be burdened with such a lot of pressure. Putting pressure on your child to make progress is like winding up a clock. Winding it moderately will provide ample power; winding it too hard will break the spring, and a fine clock may be destroyed. Not to mention that he is still at his most sensitive and vulnerable age, even if the child has entered adolescence, excessive expectations and excessive pressure may still destroy him. Yin Jianli, a parenting expert, once told a story: There was a girl whose parents were both senior teachers. My father taught in a well-known middle school and was well-known in the industry. Most of his graduates went to prestigious schools. Parents have always been strict with girls, and their daughters have good grades. According to my daughter\’s ranking, she may be admitted to Tsinghua University, but it is not guaranteed. But when filling in the application form, the parents only applied for Tsinghua University for their children. The reason is: If you pass the exam, I will be very proud, and I will be more convincing in teaching in the future, and I will have more confidence to manage students. As a result, the girl missed the exam by 8 points and failed, so she had to repeat the exam. A year later, the parents encouraged their children to apply for Tsinghua University again, but they still were not admitted. Fortunately, I filled in my second choice this time, so I can still study. This school is not bad, but my parents always think that they would be aggrieved if they did not go to Tsinghua University. They repeated their studies for a year and failed to get in, which is a complete loss of face. So I groaned and complained all day long about my daughter. As a result, the child was always depressed, listless and weak during college. Once, he even stopped studying for half a year before he could continue studying. When she graduated from undergraduate school, because of her parents\’ expectations, the girl went on to take the postgraduate entrance examination at Tsinghua University, but she still missed out on the prestigious school. So, her parents asked her to study abroad again, but for some reason, she failed to apply for a good school, which was a huge blow. Later, her parents found her a good job. Originally, this was a happy thing. However, the two fresh graduates who joined the job with the girlGraduates all have the aura of prestigious schools, and girls feel sad and look down on themselves because of this. Especially after a year, one of those two people was promoted. This time the girl really couldn\’t bear it, so she ran away from home without going through the formalities for asking for leave. She disappeared for half a month, and when she came back, she was bored at home. When it came to going to work, she was completely unwilling. Nowadays, girls lock themselves in their rooms every day, except surfing the Internet and sleeping. The psychiatrist said she was depressed and prescribed medicine. But more than a month has passed, and the girl has shown no improvement. She stays behind closed doors all day long, and even refuses to open the curtains… The girl\’s father almost collapsed. He was very competitive and never wanted to be inferior to others, but the matter of his child dealt a huge blow to him. He felt that as a parent, he had failed so much and was so shameless. This girl\’s experience is really regrettable. Originally, she was such an outstanding child. Even if she didn\’t go to a top school, she could still have her own characteristics, her own confidence, and develop a sound mind and healthy vitality. However, her parents, who hoped that their daughter would be successful, kept pushing her, regardless of the child\’s actual situation and interests, and wanted her to go to the top school so that she could look good on her face. Driven by this mentality of parents, children eventually lose themselves in frustration and under heavy burdens. So Yin Jianli said: Vain parents exhaust themselves and cheat their children. If I could turn back time, I would quickly tell her parents that in educating their children, everything should be as realistic as possible. The more realistic you are, the smoother your daughter\’s life will be, the happier her life will be, and the more proud you will be. When educating children, we should proceed from reality, take advantage of the situation and teach students in accordance with their aptitude according to their situation and characteristics, and not be too demanding or too strict. Just like Tao Xingzhi said: \”Cultivating and educating people is just like planting flowers and trees. You must first understand the characteristics of flowers and trees, and fertilize, water, and educate them according to different situations.\” My best friend Xiao Zhou once told me through her educational experience. Her parents are also teachers, but they never put pressure on her when it comes to learning. When she was a child, her parents taught her English, but she only learned a few words: Good morning and good night, you are Tom and I am Mary, this is an apple and that is a pear. Because the parents found that she was absent-minded and completely uninterested, they stopped learning at this level and only allowed her to become familiar with the simplest words and rules. Later, her parents\’ friends gave her several high-end children\’s English books and a set of English teaching materials said to be recorded by famous foreign education experts, but her parents did not force her to study. They let Xiao Zhou play, explore, touch various things on her own, and then observe her interests. Plato said: \”Initial education should be a kind of entertainment, so that it is easier to discover a person\’s natural hobbies.\” Her parents gradually discovered that she loved literature, so they let her read the works she liked and gave her as much as they could. A variety of books are available. They took her to the library and the book city, letting her choose by herself, and brought back many books. She likes to read translated novels and never tires of them. When Xiao Zhou was in junior high school, there was a popular saying in society: \”The two essential talents in the 21st century are English and computers.\” Therefore, many people are sending their children to study English. But her parents still stayed put and were not anxious because \”other people\’s children have gone to school.\” Although her English scores were mediocre at that time, they were not in a hurry. The real change happened in high school. The high school English teacher asked her students to expand their extracurricular reading, so she came into contact with some English novels: \”The Gift of the Magi\”, \”The Garden Party\”, \”The Legend of Sleepy Hollow\”… Suddenly she discovered that these stories were exactly The ones she read in her childhood, but now she reads the original version, whereas before she read the translation. For a moment, Xiao Zhou felt familiar and friendly, as if he was seeing an old friend he hadn\’t seen for many years. Moreover, because she knew the plot of the story, reading it was almost hassle-free, which added to her confidence and fun. From then on, she naturally fell in love with English. Years later, she became an English teacher at the university and worked part-time as a translator. And because she likes literature, she has accumulated a lot of knowledge since she was a child. She has also become a contracted author for a well-known website, writing novels and earning a lot of profits. Xiao Zhou\’s parents are very humble. Every time someone praises her, they will say: \”This is a mistake.\” In fact, they have a very good educational philosophy, not impetuous, not vain, and let their children explore the things in life. Possibly, I was just there to help. They do not limit what kind of person their children will become, do not encourage their children, do not put pressure on them, and allow them to learn happily according to their own hobbies and interests. When parents force their children to learn something for a certain purpose, the feeling is completely different from when the children want to learn it themselves. It is almost like the difference between an arranged marriage and free love. The former is about being submissive and forced to do so, while the latter is about working hard and happily, so the final effect is self-evident. Children should study because they like it, not because of anxiety or comparison. Just like getting married, it should be because of true love, not because of hurry or the bride price. Emerson once said: The secret of education lies in respecting life, and the secret of successful education lies in respecting students. As parents and our children\’s best teachers, we must maintain a normal mind, respect the child\’s hobbies, and respect his own growth patterns. We should not be entangled or anxious, and should not overemphasize the achievement of a certain goal or the acquisition of a certain ability. . As the saying goes, forceful melons are not sweet. If you want your children to become talented, you must have a tolerant and calm attitude and avoid worry and anxiety. The road ahead is long and long. In life, every child is a long-distance runner. Never allow him to exhaust all his energy, become bored, or forget what he should be doing at this age for the sake of a certain stage goal, vanity and comparison. The beauty has become a learning machine. Suhomlinsky said: \”The whole secret of educational skills lies in how to care for children.\” May you use your love to accompany your children to grow instead of using pressure.