When a child is bullied, this is the best way to fight back

Not long ago, one day I was playing with my classmate Zhe in the community and witnessed an incident of \”turf grabbing\” among children. A \”showdown\” with huge disparity in strength. Next to the community square, there is an abandoned flower bed. There are no flowers in it, but more grass and trees. Once, classmate Zhe was playing with slides and fitness equipment in the square. I was standing by the flower bed waiting. I saw two little girls over three years old \”exploring\” in the flower bed. They dug out an earthworm and found a mushroom. They were so excited. Incessantly. The two mothers stood chatting not far from the flower bed. Suddenly, two tall and muscular boys, estimated to be six or seven years old, broke into the \”secret garden\” and loudly announced to the two little girls, \”This is our territory, we were playing here yesterday.\” \”, and pointed to the two small ditches in the flower bed and said, \”We dug these, you can\’t play here!\” Seeing that classmate Zhe was playing well in the square, he didn\’t need me for the time being, so he stopped and watched. . One of the little girls argued with reason: \”But this is everyone\’s place, and children should share it!\” For a little girl who is more than three years old to say this, she is very brave and can be considered \”reasonable\”. But the boy ignored the little girl at all and said loudly: \”Get out quickly, or we will be rude!\” Although the girl\’s mother looked more serious than before, she didn\’t seem to intend to step forward and just stood there and watched. The little girl took her friend\’s hand and whispered: \”Let\’s go to the side and observe first.\” Then the two little girls retreated to the flower bed and silently watched the two tall intruders occupy the \”secret garden\”. After observing for a while, the little girl who just tried to reason picked up a branch and walked over and said, \”Brother, do you need this branch?\” The boy took the branch, threw it away with his backhand, and continued to say evil things. : \”We don\’t need this!\” The little girl was not angry when her overture was rejected. She just stepped back and continued to use her brain. She even whispered something to her friends, like \”Maybe they will leave after a while\” or something like that. if. However, the two boys had no intention of leaving. While digging the ditch, they did not forget to warn the two little girls: \”You should go somewhere else quickly, this place belongs to us!\” The two little girls left with disappointment on their faces. While walking, I looked at my mother pitifully. The two mothers came over and comforted their daughters. The little girl, who has been thinking of ways to regain her \”territory\”, took her mother\’s hand and said, \”Big brother won\’t let us play here anymore.\” Her mother hugged her and said, \”Do you need your mother to help you discuss it with your brother? Or? We have a better idea, such as going to eat some fruit together. We have been playing for a long time and just need to take a break and replenish some energy. If you want to come back to play after eating the fruit, please discuss it with your big brother, okay?\” Two When the little girl heard that she wanted to eat fruit, she cheered. When she left the flower bed, she asked for confirmation as she walked: \”Mom, do you think it is right for the elder brother to do this?\” The mother was very patient: \”It is not right for them to do this. First , this is a public area, it belongs to everyone, everyone has the right to play here, it cannot be said to be theirs. Second, if they want to play here alone, they should follow the queuing principle,If you arrive first, you will play first. After you leave, they will go in and play. Third, they behaved very rudely…\” After watching the two mother-daughter pairs walk away, I also took classmate Zhe home, still thinking about what happened just now. I wonder if the little girl asked her mother later: Since they What they did was wrong, why didn’t anyone stop them? Or why didn’t mother come and help us drive them away? The mother’s attitude itself is already the answer – child, there are indeed many unfair things in this world, and not all of them are unfair. All unfairness can be solved perfectly. Mom can help you if you need it. Mom hopes to give you more time and space to try to find a way on your own and strive for a satisfactory result. If the disparity in strength is too great, you will not be able to win. , that’s not a big deal, other places have their own scenery. Is it really good to “solve the child’s problem as soon as possible”? In public playgrounds, children of different personalities and ages play together, and conflicts, large and small, are very common. Yes When their children are treated unfairly, many parents will immediately stand up for their children and teach other people’s children a lesson. Our friend Zhuang Zhuang’s mother once encountered such a thing. When she told me what happened, Zhuang Zhuang’s mother was very aggrieved and helpless. Zhuang Zhuang was almost three years old, and because he was much taller than other children of the same age, he looked like he was four or five years old. That day, Zhuang Zhuang’s mother accompanied Zhuang Zhuang to the early education center. It was still early, so she let Zhuang Zhuang played in the hall for a while. Just as Zhuang Zhuang\’s mother was communicating with the teacher about the course, she suddenly heard the cry of her child. Looking back, a grandfather and his granddaughter were severely criticizing Zhuang Zhuang: \”You are so big Oh, you actually pushed your little sister? You can bully others at a young age, but when you grow up, you will be able to make a big difference? \”When she learned that her son was fighting with a child, Zhuangzhuang\’s mother hurried over, picked up her child, and apologized profusely. The grandfather scolded Zhuangzhuang\’s mother and asked her to \”discipline this child who likes to hit people.\” . Zhuang Zhuang’s mother responded and took Zhuang Zhuang to her side. While comforting the child, she asked the child what was going on. Zhuang Zhuang cried so hard that he was out of breath and couldn’t speak at all. Look at the grandfather leaving. Far away, a mother next to me said that the little girl wanted the toy in Zhuangzhuang\’s hand, but Zhuangzhuang didn\’t give it to her after asking for it twice, so the little girl just took it, and Zhuangzhuang got anxious, so he pushed her. Then The mother spoke very tactfully, but Zhuangzhuang\’s mother understood clearly and knew that Zhuangzhuang was not bullying anyone, but just to protect the toy from being taken away. Although she knew that her son had been wronged, Zhuangzhuang\’s mother was still helpless. . After all, when children are together, it’s easy to say anything if they don’t do something. Once they do, no matter why, the person who does it will always be in the wrong. Later, when Zhuang Zhuang and the little girl were assigned to the same class, they found out that she was half a year older than Zhuang Zhuang. . Zhuangzhuang’s mother observed the little girl carefully and found that she was usually brought by her grandfather or grandmother. The old man protected the child very well. He would protect the child first when there was any trouble, for fear that the child would be bullied. In fact, every time When unpleasantness occurs, it is usually because the little girl behaves unreasonably first, such as not waiting in line to play with toys or touching things in other people\’s hands, causing the other person to take action. Zhuangzhuang\’s mother said with emotion, \”Her family membersIf you protect her like this but don\’t know how to teach her the rules, what will you do when she goes to kindergarten and is out of the sight of her parents? No one wants their children to be bullied. Generally speaking, children who are sensible and popular are less likely to be bullied. \”Yes, as early as 2010, a U.S. study on the development of children\’s emotional intelligence has confirmed that children who are more popular among the crowd are 60% less likely to be bullied than children with insufficient communication skills and weak behavioral control. %. We immediately step forward to protect our children out of the instinct of loving them. But there is something more important than protecting our children, which is to let them see and feel a positive and effective communication attitude as early as possible, and practice Use popular social methods to gradually help children develop their own ability to face and solve problems. How to manage conflicts between children? The two mothers in the previous \”turf grabbing\” incident, when their daughters encountered obvious When they were treated unfairly, they did not immediately teach the two unreasonable boys. Instead, they kept a close eye on the children from beginning to end. It was clear from their expressions that they were prepared to \”take action as soon as the children had physical collisions.\” After all, the age gap between the children is very large, and their strength is not at the same level. This is one of the principles for intervening in conflicts between children: once a physical collision occurs between the two parties, it should be stopped immediately, especially when the conflicting parties have a huge disparity in strength. Under the circumstances. So when the two mothers faced the situation of their children being \”robbed of their territory\”, they seemed not to \”take care\”, but in fact they were ready to \”take care\”. At the same time, they clearly expressed to their children The attitude of \”Mom can help if you need it\” gives the child moral support and encouragement. Only a child who feels safe in his heart will have the courage to argue with reason. The most admirable thing is that the two mothers all They behaved calmly and calmly during the process, objectively analyzing to the children where the other party went wrong and what should be done correctly. They strived to output positive information to the children and help them understand the right and wrong, so as to master a more positive and effective way of communication. . This is the purpose of \”managing\” our children – not just to stop it, but to tell the children how to solve such problems in the future. This is the old saying \”it is better to teach a man a fish than to teach him a fish\”. \”To fish\”. If the child has tried his best to solve the problem but failed to achieve a satisfactory result, such as the two little girls who first argued with each other and then tried to show kindness to each other, but failed to achieve the goal of \”playing together\”, It is conceivable that the child\’s mood must be low. At this time, we should consider the child\’s age and actual problem-solving ability, and do not force the child to try more. You can use other things that the child is interested in to soothe the child\’s mood. Wait until the child calms down, then discuss the correct method with the child. For conflicts between children, the mentality of adults is very important. We need to understand that in many cases, conflict is just a way of communication for children. For example, two children playing together Building blocks, one child wants to build them in this way, and that child wants to build them in that way. The two are young, and their communication and understanding abilities are very limited. They cannot express their ideas clearly, and there is nothing they can do.If you cannot understand what the other party is thinking, conflicts will naturally occur. Throughout the whole process, the two young parties had no idea who was bullying whom. At this time, adults must not criticize other people\’s children just because they want to protect their own children. Every child has his or her own guardian. Theoretically, the way of guardianship has nothing to do with us – every conflict in the growth process, if handled properly, is of great significance to the child\’s growth; when a conflict occurs, the lesson and the Instead of blaming other people’s children, we should focus on how to let our children grow up positively. Every child will meet friends with different personalities from the time they come into contact with the outside world. In the process of getting along with their friends, they will gain happiness and friendship, but they will also encounter frustration and rejection. As a mother, you will naturally feel distressed when your children suffer setbacks, but longer-term protection is to regard conflicts as opportunities for children to gain life experience, discover their deficiencies in language expression, communication, and self-control, and guide them to overcome their own problems. Limitations, slowly learn to express, communicate, integrate, protect yourself, digest bad emotions, ask for help, and other abilities that will benefit you throughout your life. After all, we cannot always stay with our children, nor can we always rely on our own strength to protect our children. The best way is to work with your children, in social interactions with other people, to learn and understand when to fight for something moderately and when to give in gracefully. Maybe the child\’s efforts have not achieved actual results, or maybe the child\’s concessions sometimes exceed the bottom line. Let us view the child\’s attempts with respect and always be the child\’s most solid backing.