Arson case of naughty children: How dangerous is it to spoil your children?

Recently, I saw a piece of news on the Internet: Mr. He from Yunnan placed a CT machine worth 270,000 yuan in his warehouse, but it was set on fire. Mr. He was confused and called for surveillance, and found that it was two children who set the fire. The child who set fire was obviously not joking. Because when they first entered the warehouse and set fire to it, they didn\’t set the machine on fire. Therefore, the two of them were unwilling to accept it and returned to the scene to set fires repeatedly. They waited until the open fire ignited and stood by with peace of mind, watching the fire spread and the smoke filling the air… It turned out that a few days ago, one of the children was riding a bicycle next to the warehouse. An old man was walking in front of the car, walking very slowly and unsteadily. The child rang the bell desperately to urge him. This scene happened to be seen by Mr. He\’s lover, who said something to him. He never thought that the little guy had a grudge and actually came back to set fire. It is exaggerated enough to set fire to children when they disagree with each other, but the attitude of parents who set fire to their children is even more shocking. Even with surveillance as evidence, the parents refused to admit their mistakes and refused to show up. They said: My child did not light the fire, so he does not need to take responsibility! Faced with such a thing, parents may be eager to protect their calves and love their children deeply, but they have forgotten how their doting behavior will affect their children. As the saying goes, if the upper beam is not straight, the lower beam will be crooked. As a parent, teaching by example is always better than words. More importantly, parents cannot pamperingly protect him under their wings just because he is young, indulge him in his absurdities, and make him feel that he can do whatever he wants, infringe on other people\’s property, and cross the boundaries that should be allowed. . Psychologist Wu Zhihong once wrote an article pointing out that \”indulgent\” doting is very harmful. He said: Indulgent spoiling will cultivate \”hell for others\” and \”enemies of society\”. Children who grow up in indulgent spoiling have only themselves in their hearts. They do not respect their parents, despise others, and ignore laws and ethics. Morally, they just want to do whatever they want. This is the laziest love and the love that is least conducive to children\’s self-growth. Yes, naughty children are spoiled. If you indulge them and protect them, they will become big troubles. There is a story like this in the American TV series \”Desperate Housewives\”. Bree is a very capable housewife who dotes on her son. Although her son was neither polite nor obedient to her, she still indulged him in every possible way, gave him enough pocket money, washed his clothes, tidied his room, and spent several hours cooking a big meal, working wholeheartedly and without complaint. One day, her son got a new car and was very excited. He drove around in the car and because of his unskilled skills, he hit the old lady next door. The son was very panicked and ran to find Bree. Bree neither criticized her children nor reported the crime. Instead, she rushed to the scene to eliminate the evidence. Then she deliberately left the car that caused the accident in a neighborhood with a high crime rate and let others steal it. This way, even if the police can find out which car hit someone, the owner has already changed. Afterwards, Bree ordered the whole family to remain silent and protect her son, thinking that by doing so, her son would be safe. But she didn\’t see how dangerous it was. If you blindly indulge him, help him hide things, and protect him, he will not be able to understand what responsibility and commitment are.Can learn to take responsibility for one\’s own actions. He only knows that if something happens to him, someone will help him wipe his ass. From now on, he will do things more unhindered and lawless. Sure enough, Bree\’s son became more and more difficult to control and became a real naughty child. He smoked marijuana, made bad friends, was uninhibited, deceived and cheated, which broke her heart. She also thought about controlling and improving, but by this time, the deal was already done and it was too difficult to change. Her bottomless doting and forgiveness, his unscrupulous presumptuousness and boldness, have become deep-rooted habits. If the small hole is not repaired, the big hole will suffer. When a child has a minor problem, if parents are like Bree, or like the parents involved in the arson case in Yunnan, they not only ignore it, but also just want to escape reality and let the child avoid trouble, then such an approach cannot Let him understand the scale and boundaries, understand goodwill and rules, and understand that there are certain things that he must not do. Teaching your children this way may even lead to disaster if things go on like this. If family laws are not strict, children will act casually, which may cause harm to themselves in a small way or harm others in a big way. This is by no means alarmist. In Baoding, Hebei, two children sat in a car and set fire to their Audi. If their parents had not arrived in time and rescued the two children, their lives would have been in danger. Last year in Suzhou, a child set fire to his home. As a result, his home was burned to rubble and his neighbors were also hurt. How willful it is to set a fire like this. But the more serious thing is yet to come. Also last year, in Port Stephens, Sydney, Australia, two naughty children illegally set a fire, which caused a fire that burned for several days, extended at least 80 kilometers, and burned at least 6,500 hectares. In Tennessee, the United States, there was a tragic forest fire last year, which killed 14 people, injured 134 people, damaged 1,750 houses, and reduced the town to ruins. The suspects who committed illegal arson turned out to be two naughty kids. They were charged with aggravated arson. They didn\’t learn to follow the rules, they didn\’t learn to consider others, they just followed their own ideas. As a result, it brings tragedy to ourselves, others, and even society. As Wu Zhihong said, pampered children, \”their egos are infinitely inflated, and they only have themselves and no one else in their hearts, and eventually become other people\’s nightmares.\” If it reaches this point, it will be too late to say anything else. It\’s too late. Children need to be managed and small trees need to be cut down. In family education, children must not be indulged, but must cultivate their correct consciousness and not follow rules or conform to rules. In family life, if we want to avoid doting on our children, educate them well, and prevent them from becoming emotional \”naughty children\”, we might as well pay attention to the following three points. 1. Don’t be particularly protective of your children. Many parents, intentionally or unintentionally, become their children’s “protective umbrella” in their lives. Once a child hits a child outside and grabs a toy, the parent will rush out to support the child, defend the child\’s shortcomings, and deny the child\’s mistake, regardless of right or wrong. This will make children unable to distinguish between black and white, right from wrong, thinking that they can run rampant in the world, and that their wrong actions are the rules of the game in this world. Children are full of energy, emotions are changeable, and it is inevitable to have conflicts, disputes, and various problems with others in life. As a parent, you should stay calm when encountering something. Instead of assuming that your child must be right or being bullied for the first time, you should understand all the facts and the opinions of all parties before making a final judgment. Seeing that their parents are fair, objective, and impartial, even the most naughty children will be convinced and restrained. There is a \”broken window theory\” in management, which means that if someone breaks the window glass of a building, but this behavior is not stopped and the window is not repaired, then others may get the hint. and goaded, to break more windows. The same is true for educating children. If a child really makes a mistake, but the parents do not understand it, condone it, or even cover up this behavior, he will get the hint, flout the rules, and make more mistakes. Therefore, correcting minor mistakes can help children reduce more mistakes in the future, nip problems in their infancy, and avoid \”small holes that are not repaired, but big holes that suffer hardship.\” A thousand-mile embankment collapses in an ant\’s nest. If you discover your child\’s mistakes, you must correct them promptly and repair the first broken window. Nothing can be left to chance, nothing can be covered up. 2. Don’t be emotional in front of children. There is a saying in American psychology: “Emotional behavior is like the plague, with strong contagiousness.” In childhood, especially before the age of 3, children’s thinking patterns have not yet been constructed and mature. If you are too good at thinking and analyzing, you will only accept things continuously. Because young children already have good audio-visual abilities at this period, they have actually been silently observing their parents\’ behavior and copying their parents\’ reaction patterns and emotions without thinking. If your child consistently sees parents yelling, arguing, and pushing to solve problems, he or she will copy your behavior. If parents cannot be calm, they will give their children a bad behavioral hint: If one day, I feel unhappy, I can also do this, vent wantonly, and do things at will, without considering the consequences or the feelings of others. The child will think: Look, my parents didn\’t consider my presence before they got emotional, so when I get emotional, I can be unscrupulous no matter who is present. Thus, \”Naughty Child\” was born. Teacher Yu Xiu, a family quality education expert, once suggested that in order to prevent emotions from affecting their children, parents can analyze their own characteristics and find the cycle of their own emotional behavior. For example, women are prone to mood disorders before menstruation, and men may lose their temper when they have heavy work tasks. During these stages, you must pay attention to control and do not release negative emotions at will. When parents have signs of being emotional and are about to explode, in order to calm down their emotions and not affect their children, they can go out for a walk to adjust their mood, eat some chocolate or desserts to make them feel happy, or they can exercise for a while and sweat. Your mood will be relieved. There is also a simple self-relaxation method, which is to take a deep breath, keep hinting to yourself, relax your nerves, calm your emotions, and then listen to a piece of soft music to help your body and mind come down from the peak of your emotions. Wait until you feel you canWhen you are able to fully control your emotions and behavior, you can open your mouth and have a good talk with your significant other. Children are also happy to see their parents getting along in harmony, seeing them loving each other so much, and being able to speak softly and gently even when there are conflicts. 3. Let children learn to be responsible. On the one hand, children must do their best to do housework, participate in community services and volunteer activities, and cultivate a sense of family and social responsibility. On the other hand, children must learn to be responsible for their own actions. . Once upon a time, there was an 11-year-old American boy who accidentally broke his neighbor\’s window. The neighbor sued him for $12.50. The boy had no money, so his father paid the compensation for him and made an agreement with him: repay it after one year. The money was not a small amount at the time, enough to buy 125 egg-laying hens. In order to earn this money, the boy worked for half a year. After growing up, the boy named Ronald Reagan became the President of the United States. He said: Making up for mistakes through my own labor made me understand what responsibility and commitment are. If a child does not feel the consequences of his actions, he will act unchecked. If he is allowed to bear the consequences of his actions, he will know how to restrain himself, restrain himself in daily life, be strict with himself, conduct self-guidance and regulation, and it will be less likely for him to grow into an unscrupulous child. If a child breaks a plate, he must be asked to clean up the pieces; if a child offends a child, he must be guided to apologize. Parents must not adopt a permissive and laissez-faire mentality and brush off the things their children do; try to cover up or pretend to turn a blind eye to the troubles their children cause. This is tantamount to depriving them of the opportunity to take responsibility. When the idea that \”you can escape punishment for doing something wrong\” has become a habit in his mind, he will become a careless \”naughty kid\”. At this time, it will be even more difficult to change. Disaster. Pabus Hein, the inventor of the turbine, once proposed a \”Hain\’s Law\” regarding flight safety. The law states: Behind every serious accident, there must be 29 minor accidents, 300 near misses, and 1,000 hidden accident dangers. This law tells us that many things happen that seem accidental, but in fact they are inevitable after a certain amount of accumulation. Any bad result has gone through a development process. If we pay attention to those signs and hidden dangers at the beginning, then the final accident will be avoided. The same is true when it comes to teaching children. If you can take precautions in life, do not spoil or indulge, and do not bury emotional hidden dangers in his character, it will not be easy for him to grow into a naughty child. This requires us to pay attention to our children and our own behavior in our daily lives, even if it is just a little bit. Feng Dequan, an internationally registered senior psychological counselor, once said: \”Small flaws in behavior may cause huge flaws in personality.\” The ancients once said, \”Don\’t do evil because it is small, and don\’t do good because it is small.\” Children\’s education is reflected in every detail of life. No matter whether you are poor or rich, it is not as good as the timely education and proper care of your parents.