Why does Chinese-style parental devotion often end in tragedy?

When you ask a mother if she wants to have a second child. Many mothers will answer \”I don\’t dare to give birth.\” It’s not that I don’t want to, especially mothers who like their children are willing to give their children a sibling. But if you look at these data, you\’ll probably understand. Some time ago, HSBC released a global education expenditure survey report. In terms of education expenditures from primary school to university, Hong Kong, China, topped the list with US$132,000, which is more than three times the world average. Singapore, Taiwan, and Mainland China ranked third, fifth, and fifth with US$70,000, 56,000, and 43,000 US dollars respectively. sixth. The report also shows that 82% of parents are ready to make \”sacrifice\” for their children\’s success and are afraid to spend money or do things they like. One-third of Chinese parents admit that they have significantly reduced or completely stopped recreational activities or took time off to pay for their children\’s education. The report shows that despite making such sacrifices, 70% of Chinese parents are still worried that they are not doing a good enough job for their children. This is 13% higher than the global average and ranks at the forefront of the world. The reasons for not having children are probably \”too tiring and expensive, and I\’m afraid that I won\’t do well enough and will wrong the child.\” But there is a problem worthy of our reflection: we have the most sacrificial parents in the world. So are our children the happiest children in the world? This year, CCTV released a documentary \”Mirror\” that explored family emotional education and saw the confusion of many families. Look at these children, what are they saying to us? “I feel like we are not catching the virus, but starting to have our own feelings,” said a 12-year-old girl who dropped out of school. \”I think it\’s pretty good here. Although the material conditions are a little worse, the spiritual feeling is much better.\” \”I tell you, it\’s best not to catch me. You can\’t control me if you catch me.\”… This is a response to failure. An indictment of home education. Zeqing, who is in the second grade of junior high school, said that he couldn\’t feel his own existence and asked his mother to cook a bowl of noodles, but her mother was reluctant to get out of bed… Does this mean his mother doesn\’t love him? Of course not, what parent doesn’t love their children? Love is there no matter what, it is innate, but some parents may really not know how to love. We often think we love our children and think we are right. Sometimes even if you feel something is wrong, you will immediately find a bunch of excuses to defend yourself. In the end, it\’s the child\’s problem, not your own. To be a lawyer, you need to obtain a lawyer\’s qualification certificate, to drive you must have a driver\’s license, and to be a teacher, you need to obtain a teacher\’s qualification certificate. However, being a parent does not require a certificate. We just do it and do it for the rest of our lives. Children need their parents\’ attentive company, and they can feel it. Hong Kong\’s first female chief executive Carrie Lam Cheng Yuet-ngor said this in an interview: \”When my two children were young, I never hired a worker. I did all the cooking myself.\” When her son was born, she My career is also on the rise, and it requires a lot of time and energy. But even so, she still cooks herself, carefully prepares three meals a day for her two sons, and eats with them. She believes this is very important because children need to feel that their mother cares for them. In the trivial daily things like dressing and eating, the love that children can feelOften the most profound. Many people unknowingly graft their own lives onto their children\’s bodies. If we were compared to trees. Each child should be an independent tree. It has its own roots and branches. It is an independent existence, feeling the changes of the four seasons, wind, frost, rain and dew. But many parents regard their children as grafts on themselves. In order to hope that the child will grow more prosperously. I think this is love and giving. In fact, they can neither find themselves nor lose the opportunity for children to truly grow. If you are used to grafting from your parents. I am used to being taken care of and arranged. When he grows up, can you support him for a lifetime? And this kind of love often makes children feel disgusted. I have a relative. Almost every time he chats with someone, he always talks about children’s education. He often says, \”How is the performance of so-and-so\’s child, and then compares it with his own son.\” \”The son of so-and-so\’s family has been admitted to the civil service. It\’s really good.\” Then he looks at his son meaningfully. I once got angry with my relatives in the hospital about this. At that time, his son was accidentally injured due to a dispute. While waiting to enter the CT room for scanning, he habitually asked us about whose child was better. At that time, his son was sitting in a wheelchair and his face was pale due to blood loss. He did not guard quietly, nor did he greet her carefully. And when I mentioned that a neighbor\’s son had graduated from graduate school and recently went to work as an errand in the county, it was like a torrent of water. He always likes to tell these examples in front of his son, hoping to inspire his son\’s fighting spirit. But that day was obviously not the right day. I told him at that time: \”Stop talking about these things, go and take good care of your son. He has just come back from the brink of death.\” In fact, he loved his son very much, but there was something wrong with the way he loved. He was frugal and frugal for his son, almost to the point of self-abuse. In order to save money for my son to attend training classes and go to a good school. He does not buy new clothes throughout the year, nor does he have any entertainment. He is always working on the construction site, and when he is free, he drinks some beer and tells people \”his son\’s story.\” Then I dreamed that one day my son\’s achievements would make my dream come true. And this child has long become taciturn and does not have any communication with the old father. He told me: \”I can\’t stand my father comparing himself to others, and he himself is like that. He always hopes that I can make a difference, so no matter what I do, he says not to do it, but to study. In fact, I am very stressed. I don’t know what to do.” Too many of our parents don’t pay enough, but pay too much. In order for my children to have a future, I gave up entertainment and leisure and lived frugally. I did everything myself. Therefore, children over 10 years old have never been in the kitchen to help wash rice and wash vegetables. I am often alone in the study room, either reading or secretly playing with my mobile phone. Parents feel at ease just seeing their children sitting at their desks. In fact, children have always wanted to try something interesting on their own. They find their sense of existence and the feeling of being needed through giving. Not just a cold reading machine. Everyone hopes to realize their own value, and so do young children. My son likes it best when I call him little master. He said that he was a little master and had his own room, so he had to do some housework. So every time we clean our house,He cleans the floor tiles in the bathroom, and then I help him strengthen them. As long as I tell him about the express delivery downstairs, we will pick it up right away. Whenever he finds paper scraps on the floor at home, he will clean them up. When I cook, he helps me choose the dishes. The old man said I was too strict with him. I said he likes it. Because by doing this, you can see that he feels great satisfaction. Because he feels his own value and my approval and need for him. This feeling is wonderful and can help us awaken our children\’s inner drive. Many mothers ask how to arouse their children’s inner drive? The best way is to let children do it within a safe range and realize their own value when they use their own strength to do something well. And when you get recognition, you will feel a sense of satisfaction. What parents have to do is not to take care of everything, but to let go and give their children a chance. If parents only provide financial resources for their children, high education expenditures will result. Instead of providing guidance and education, there is no real respect and love. The results are mostly tragic.