Rational brain vs primitive brain, where does the self-control that affects a child\’s life come from?

During the summer vacation, our family of three went on a self-driving trip. Hearing the news, Chengzi was very excited – he could finally play with his iPad! Because my family’s rule is: you can’t play with the IPAD in normal times, but you can play with it when traveling. After holding it in for a semester, Chengzi couldn\’t stop the car. When he arrived at the hotel in the evening, he hugged his iPad and wouldn\’t let go. As soon as I opened my eyes in the morning, I didn\’t bother to wash up and started fighting again. In those days, I had to be reminded over and over again every morning: Go wash your face and brush your teeth! Change clothes quickly! If you don’t leave, we’re leaving! While Chengzi was playing, he responded smoothly: \”Wait a moment.\” There was no limit to the \”a moment\” time, and it wasn\’t until the adults started to get a little annoyed that he reluctantly put down the iPad. One morning, after urging me N times, I finally couldn\’t bear it anymore and exploded. Orange\’s father also \”added fuel to the fire\” and wanted to put away the iPad and not allow him to play with it in the next few days. Chengzi burst into tears when he heard this: \”No, your words don\’t count!\” This morning, the adults were gloomy, the children were crying, and the family of three drove on the road. The air pressure in the marshmallow experiment car in the kindergarten was very low and no one spoke. I thought about it and decided that this matter still needs to be dealt with. I asked Chengzi: \”Have you heard of the marshmallow experiment?\” \”Marshmallow experiment? Never heard of it.\” Chengzi was still wiping tears, but his curiosity was piqued. Next, I told him about the famous marshmallow experiment. Psychologists conducted an experiment in which kindergarten children were left alone in a room. There is nothing in this room except a table and a stool, except a marshmallow placed on the table. The psychologist told the child: I am going out for a while. If you can resist eating this marshmallow during this period, you will get two marshmallows when I come back. If you can\’t help but eat this piece, you can\’t get another piece. I asked Chengzi: \”If it were you, what would you choose?\” Chengzi said: \”I choose to wait for a while and get two marshmallows. However, I don\’t like marshmallows. It would be better if they were chocolate.\” I continued to ask : \”Then pretend it\’s chocolate. There is nothing in this room. What will you do while waiting?\” Orange thought for a while: \”I can lie down and sleep for a while, practice boxing, or write my novel .\” \”Yes, it seems you have a lot of ideas. In this experiment, the children also came up with a lot of ideas. Some told stories to themselves, some played with their fingers, and some pretended to sleep. There are all kinds of ways. It\’s about finding ways to make the waiting time less boring.\” Through this experiment, psychologists found that children who can wait until the adults come back and get two marshmallows will have better academic performance, better work, and happier lives when they grow up. , and they also stay in shape better. In contrast, those children who cannot wait for the adults to come back and cannot help but eat this piece of marshmallow will not be able to study and work well when they grow up. Moreover, they cannot control their mouths and are prone to eating a lot of junk food. I am too lazy to exercise and my body becomes obese. Why are these two types of children so different when they grow up? It is because some of their self-control abilities are strong and some are weak. Some children are willing to wait a little longer,After getting more rewards, some children can\’t control themselves and only think about the good things in front of them. I asked Chengzi: \”What kind of person do you hope to be?\” Chengzi said without hesitation: \”Of course someone with strong self-control!\” Where does self-control come from? Primitive Brain VS Rational Brain I continued to ask: \”Do you know where self-control comes from?\” I patted Chengzi\’s forehead: \”This place determines whether your self-control is strong or weak.\” Our human brain is made up of Composed of two parts, the innermost one is called the \”primitive brain\”, which is responsible for the two most primitive reactions of people: wanting what they like, and wanting to run away if they are afraid. For example, when I see something delicious, I want to eat it non-stop; when I see a fun game, I play it day and night; when I see a tiger, I get so scared that I run away. Later, as humans gradually developed language and their behaviors became more and more complex, the primitive brain was no longer enough, and a \”rational brain\” slowly evolved. This rational brain is wrapped outside the primitive brain and is responsible for controlling human behavior with reason. For example: The ice cream is delicious, and the primitive brain wants to eat it one after another, but the rational brain says: No, the ice cream is too cold, and eating too much is bad for the stomach. The primitive brain wants to play games all day long, but the rational brain says: This is not possible, it will hurt your eyes. When you see a tiger in the zoo, your primitive brain gets scared and reminds you to run for your life. But the rational brain said: It doesn\’t matter, the tiger is in the cage and can\’t bite you, so there is no need to run away. The reason why humans evolved from apes to humans is inseparable from the huge role of the rational brain. It can help us use language, analyze problems rationally, control primitive impulses, and enable us to do things with a plan and purpose. This is also where humans are different from other animals. Therefore, the primitive brain only sees the immediate benefits and cannot see the long-term consequences. The rational brain can give up a little immediate benefit for the long-term benefit. This is self-control. So, your mother tells you that playing games for a long time is bad for your eyes, but you always don’t listen and don’t let go of your iPad. Which brain do you think you are using to think about things? Orange is happy. The good news is that self-control can be developed! Mountain Trails VS Neural Pathways Now that we understand where self-control comes from, the question arises again: How can we develop our own self-control? It still has something to do with the brain. There are more than 10 billion nerve cells in the brain, and the nerve cells are connected together to form neural pathways. Every thought and decision you make creates a neural pathway. At first, this pathway is very thin. I pointed to the hillside covered with grass and trees in the distance: it was like walking a path on such a hillside. The first time I walked, I walked very hard, and there were almost no traces of walking. If you walk a few times, it will become a small trail. If you walk every day, the road will become wider and easier to walk. For example, you are playing a game and your mother asks you to wash your face and brush your teeth, but you don’t want to go and say, “Wait a moment.” This is when nerve cells are connected into a pathway. Every time it is \”wait a while\”. As this neural pathway travels more times, it becomes a big road. When the road is easy to walk, an automatic reaction is formed. The next time your mother urges you to do something, you won\’t even think about it, and you will subconsciously say: \”Wait a moment.\” Therefore, if you want to cultivateSelf-control requires the conscious use of the rational brain. Instead of taking the \”wait a while\” path, let\’s take another path and take the \”act now\” path. The more times you walk a new path, the more powerful your rational brain becomes and your self-control becomes stronger and stronger. The original road, because it was walked less often, became thinner and thinner over time, just like the road on this mountain. No one walked on it, and slowly the weeds covered the road. In fact, this is also a good way to get rid of bad habits and cultivate good habits. That morning, I talked a lot. Chengzi listened and discussed with me. Chengzi’s father also added from time to time. The three of us walked and talked, and the atmosphere became relaxed and lively unconsciously. Finally, I said: The IPAD will not be confiscated. In the next few days, it is up to you to decide when to play and for how long. However, when making a decision, you need to ask yourself two questions: Is this the voice of the primitive brain or the voice of the rational brain? Are you following the \”wait a moment\” neural pathway, or the \”act now\” neural pathway? Orange readily agreed. In the following days, Cheng Zi improved a lot in playing games. He knew how to control himself and would tell me: Mom, I will only play for half an hour tonight. I will forget when the time comes. Please remind me. OK? Although I still say \”wait a moment\” sometimes, the number of urgings has been greatly reduced. Maybe you are a little disappointed: after telling your children so much, there is not much change. It is best to allow the child to change his face and be a new person to be effective. In fact, isn’t that what education is? Moisturizes things silently. Seize the right opportunity, sow the seeds, give them sunshine, rain and dew, and give them time to take root and germinate. A seed cannot grow into a giant tree immediately. Principles and knowledge are explained to children, and they just understand them. Only in one thing after another will he experience something, gain some understanding, and then internalize it into his own beliefs. This was nearly a month ago. During this period, if I encounter any problems, such as whether to eat dessert or when to do my homework, I will ask Chengzi: \”Is this a decision made by your primitive brain or your rational brain?\” This time In these small exercises, let him become more aware of his choices and behaviors. This is a prerequisite for cultivating self-control. Chengzi took a Mathematical Olympiad class for the first time. After class, I asked him: \”Did you understand what the teacher said?\” \”Well, I probably understand.\” \”Yes, it\’s like walking a new path in the grass. It\’s starting to feel a little… It’s difficult to walk. Let’s do more practice when we go back and walk this path a few times. The neural pathways will be formed and the knowledge will be consolidated in your mind.” A few days ago, while eating, Chengzi said to me: \”Mom, I have quite a lot of self-control.\” \”Why?\” \”During class today, many students in the class were secretly reading extracurricular books, but I didn\’t read them. I think it\’s not good to do this.\” I looked at it happily. The seeds of self-control took root in his heart. I think that letting children understand some psychological knowledge, the working principles of the brain, and knowing that everything they say, do, and every decision they make has a psychological and physiological basis can help them awaken their awareness of themselves.Improve self-control. With such metacognition, children\’s behavior can be changed from passive to active, and from spontaneous to conscious. Instead of being controlled by adults, rules, or passively following arrangements, if you have the awareness to actively control your body, thoughts, and behaviors, you will have a sense of power from the bottom of your heart. This feeling is very rare. This is true not only for children, but also for adults. When you realize the source and basis of each of your choices, break away from the drive of instinct and impulse. When facing your own \”marshmallow moment\”, be less emotionally impulsive and more rational in your judgment. Know what you are doing and why you are doing it. Becoming clear from ignorance and becoming aware of your own mind is the first step to change yourself and improve your self-control.