Parents who don’t know how to withdraw cannot raise promising children.

There was something going on at home last Friday, so my dad asked my brother to take leave and go back. At noon, my brother said that the workshop director did not allow leave and that the evening shift could not leave until 9 o\’clock today. However, there would be no shuttle bus back to the countryside at that time. However, if there was an emergency and he had to go back, my brother said, \”I can\’t take leave.\” Helpless. Later, somehow he returned home on time. It turned out that my father called a relative and my brother\’s colleague and asked him to take his brother to the workshop director to explain the situation, and finally got leave. I can\’t help but nag my dad, even though I can let my brother figure it out on his own, he always takes care of everything and rushes around. If this continues, when will my brother be mature and sensible? He should be allowed to find his own way to ask for leave. My dad kept saying the same thing: he is still young. Yes, I am still young, in my 30s, and have no ability to do things independently. As a parent, I can worry about what I will do in ten or twenty years if I can only worry about it for one or two years. The same is asking for leave, and it is also necessary to trouble relatives. The younger brother can invite him to explain the situation. Even if he can\’t think of this method, as a parent, he should teach him the method instead of doing it for him. Raising children is a process of gradually growing apart and slowly letting go. But many parents around us don’t think so. Puppy love is not allowed in adolescence. When children go to college and want to study literature, their parents prefer science. When children enter society and want to do this, their parents ask them to do that. It’s not easy to find a suitable candidate to test the eight generations of ancestors. , after the children get married, they can come to the door at any time to intervene in the children\’s family life. Anyone familiar with him knows that the biggest problem with this younger brother is his immaturity and lack of opinion. There are his own shortcomings here, and it may be more likely because his parents don\’t know how to let go and always keep him within their sight and ability, so the younger brother can never do anything well. Parents always feel that their children have not grown up yet, and they always think that the reason for arranging and intervening in their children\’s affairs is because they are \”ignorant\” and \”still young\”. As everyone knows, even if they are over thirty, they will not be able to truly mature, let alone integrate into society smoothly. Take up family burdens. Long Yingtai once said: \”The so-called relationship between parents and children just means that your fate with him is to watch him go away in this life. You stand at this end of the road and watch him gradually disappear around the corner of the road. Then, he tells you silently with his back: No need to chase.\” Hide your love for your child in your heart, let it go, and let him go. Growth is the responsibility of the child. Let us love each other and be independent of each other. A friend who works as a psychological counselor told a story: an old lady in her 60s, her son is almost 40 years old, and she is an only child. She has never worked seriously since graduating from college. She found it tiring to work late shifts in a factory, and found the wages too low to work as a security guard. What should I do if I feel that my money comes slowly from taking a taxi? After a few years, my hands are empty and I don’t earn enough to spend on myself. It is a very ordinary two-income family that can only rely on their parents for food and shelter. In this situation, they spent all their life savings to buy a two-bedroom apartment for their son, help him find potential partners, and finally marry his wife. He thought he could live peacefully now, but he didn\’t know that even after getting married and having children, he still didn\’t make progress. At first, his daughter-in-law worked in a supermarket, and the salary was not high, so he could barely survive. After a long time, he didn\’t want to go out to work. The old lady prepares three meals a day and delivers them to her son\’s house. As time goes by, she gets older and older.Growing up, I didn’t know when it would be my first time to cook and deliver meals, so I asked my friend, what should I do if this continues? My friend was also curious and asked the old lady, what would happen if she didn’t deliver food? The old lady said, then they will order takeout and eat fast food, and it will be a meal, but what will the children do if they are not nutritious? It turned out that before her son got married, he often played games and forgot to eat and sleep, so the old lady sent the meals to the computer table in the room. This strange parent-child relationship seems to have a son who is hopeless and unfulfilled. The root cause is that the parents are willing to let him \”gnaw at his old age.\” Only when the parents are old and unable to move do they realize that they no longer have the capital and ability to let their children continue to chew on him. Is it really because the child doesn’t want to be independent? no. Not to mention adult children, even toddlers will always want to break away from their parents\’ arms while wearing a toddler belt. This is an instinct, the instinct to move toward independence, but parents always intentionally or unintentionally block their children\’s desire to go further. For those children who are gnawing at their old age, it is not so much that the children are unwilling to \”wean\”, but rather that the parents have not taken the initiative to cut the \”umbilical cord.\” Parents who do not know how to let go and withdraw will only aggravate the degradation of their children\’s abilities and make it difficult for them to gain a foothold in society and realize their own value. The original intention of parents is love, but the final result is \”harm\”. You want your child to avoid detours, but you don’t know that the detours you avoid for him will be waiting for him in another form somewhere in the future, and it will only be more difficult than now. As children grow up, they will always have to go through this difficult process. The sooner they can walk independently, the easier it will be to find their own path and live out their own value. Parents know that it is never too late to exit gracefully. The child has grown up and the world is changing. Only by walking on the road will he understand what is best for him. When a distant relative\’s child was admitted to college, his parents sent him to register, and he never left after he arrived. My father found a job as a janitor next to the university, and my mother worked as a busboy in the school cafeteria. They said that we would be where the children were, so that we could better understand the situation. According to the child, since high school, his parents have closed down their well-run stores and worked in the location of the high school to accompany him. The young man likes computers very much. He has fun dismantling and reassembling a computer. His classmates always look for him when their computers break down, and he enjoys it. After many twists and turns after graduation, he finally worked as a customer service worker at a brand computer repair center. At first, his parents didn\’t understand and thought the computer company was not bad. But later they found out that he had to deal with broken machines all day long and they refused to let him resign. But the child likes this, and quits his job to find a similar job. Now his parents are clamoring all day long for him to take the civil service examination, saying that civil servants are stable, leisurely and guaranteed, and that disobedience will not be filial. In the end, the only option was to take the exam, and the child was determined to do well, so he really got admitted to a certain county bureau and became a junior clerk. The child said to others, \”You know what? My happiest thing is when a department has a broken computer and asks me to fix it.\” It sounds so sad. When I think about my daughter\’s occasional dance class, she doesn\’t want me to stretch my neck and look at the door. What\’s more? A dignified three-foot man. Later, he fell in love and met his current wife, who encouraged him to resign. His parents scolded the girl, so they decided to run to a coastal city that was beyond the reach of their parents. I encountered many setbacks and wanted to give up, but I always knew what my goal was and started from the bottom., step by step, he finally owns two computer sales stores today. He said: Although this industry cannot make a lot of money now, you can only be motivated when you have pressure, which is much better than boiling a frog in warm water. Because I am far away from home, I feel guilty towards my parents, but if I had the choice, I would still leave because my parents don\’t know how to let go and can only be cruel to me. As the parents get older, they see that their children and their family are doing well, and they no longer mention the past. Just like a tree, if it wants to grow into a pillar of the world, it must have its own soil and space. If the big tree of parents always protects the children from wind and rain, the small tree will be less exposed to wind, frost, rain and snow, but it will definitely lack sunlight and will not be able to grow strong and strong. Parents insist on taking care of their children regardless of their feelings. They call it love, but in fact they are \”shackles.\” After watching a talk show, Jin Xing asked Meng Fei, \”What if your daughter has a boyfriend and you don\’t like him at all?\” Meng Fei said: \”Have less contact.\” He said it very calmly. He did not say that he would talk to his daughter about how bad the other person was. His attitude was that although he did not approve of his child\’s choice, he respected her choice. Then in the next program, he said: \”The more deeply the previous generation is involved in the next generation, the lower the possibility of children\’s happiness.\” I strongly agree with this view. In any family, when the love of parents takes precedence over all relationships, Go ahead, this family and their children are not far from being doomed. Parents love and dominate their children, and the children want to develop. Because of different perspectives, the family relationship will be out of balance, and one party will always be hurt. For parents, a sense of boundaries is particularly important for their children. When faced with growing children, it is more important for parents to know how to advance and retreat than to be full of unrestrained love. I hope that all parents will take good care of their children when they are young and walk with them. When their children grow up, let go and make a wise journey, giving them the opportunity to walk and see this beautiful world.