He Jie brought her baby to the show alone, and every scene of her son crying was so sad.

He Jie recently took her son Qibao to participate in \”Incredible Mom\” ​​(a program similar to \”Where Are We Going, Dad\” in which several mothers take their children alone to complete some tasks in other places). I also watched one episode while I was on vacation. Indeed, it was indeed exciting to see He Jie, who was originally full of collagen (my impression of He Jie still seems to be in Super Girl) with sunken eyes and a tired look on her face, talking about her divorce. It hurts. But after watching the whole episode, He Jie encountered the biggest parenting problem – what to do if the child loves to cry? It’s not just for single mothers, it’s probably the biggest headache for most parents. ● I don’t want to sleep – cry ● I can’t wear the clothes I like – cry ● The orange juice is too heavy – cry The cry that made He Jie collapse the most and took the longest was in the public toy room, Qibao The toy I wanted was taken by another child. Qibao is already 3 years old, and he can still express his needs in words at first: (This cute little girl is Zhenzhen, the daughter of Hong Kong movie star Zheng Xiyi, and is just two years old.) Conflicts between children often stem from the inability to communicate using words. …Looking at my son shouting in panic, looking confused and confused. He Jie did the right thing at the time – taught Qibao, \”If my sister doesn\’t give it to me, then you should find another way.\” Zhanzhen finally understood and gave the cushion in his hand to Qibao, but Qibao didn\’t want it as quickly as Qibao wanted it, and Qibao cried again. … He Jie, who had been patiently guiding her son just now, suddenly stopped smiling and looked at her son with a cold face. To be honest, this cold expression made me panic – Qibao, who was crying, paused for a second to steal. He glanced at his mother and saw no reaction from her. She felt rebellious and said that she would cry enough. These words probably made He Jie angry, so she directly took her son to the room… Seeing her son crying loudly, He Jie\’s only reaction was to tilt her head and continue to watch. He Jie said that she was waiting for the child to finish crying. Looking at the whole process, He Jie actually did a good job: she was alone in a different place with her baby, and after a busy day, she coaxed her. Even after being taught, the child still cried loudly. Anyone else would probably have a breakdown inside. But when it comes to children crying, especially when dealing with conflicts between children, is this the only cold treatment and isolation method? Regarding children crying Trouble has always been a topic I want to write about. Just taking advantage of this topic, Dan’s mother will analyze the reasons why children cry and how to deal with them. The methods all correspond to the reasons. Let’s first take a look at why Qibao cries? Because toys are Can\’t? Yes, but the deeper reasons are actually: 1. Emotional powerlessness: If you can\’t achieve what you want to achieve, Qibao can\’t get the toy you want. Maybe some parents will feel that if they don\’t get it, they will cry? Ignorant! This is not actually because the child is ignorant, but because the part of the child\’s brain responsible for emotional control has not yet developed well, so when something unpleasant happens, he will cry directly. Countermeasures: Accept and empathize with the child\’s emotional acceptance It is not to agree that it is right for the child to cry, but to understand from the heart why the child is crying. In the same way, with this understanding, use language to help the child express his inner needs + emotions●Needs – Express the child because of language It’s not good, because I lost control of my emotions and didn’t say it out loud.If you want to say something, help him say it: \”Oh, you want another piece, not this one. You are very anxious, right?\” ● The child\’s inner feelings and emotions: \”You are very unhappy, aren\’t you?\” (Another reminder What is more important is that you must truly understand your child\’s crying from the bottom of your heart. Attitude and tone are very important. Instead of hoping that you will follow this routine and talk to your child, your child will notice your inner disapproval. You just want to He said these words when he stopped crying.) 2. Single way of expressing emotions: When you are unhappy, there is no other way to vent your emotions. Toys are in public places, so Qibao insists on giving them to him, which is actually wrong. I admire He Jie\’s firmness in dealing with crying and sticking to the rules, but I don\’t quite agree with her indifference when she is firm. I remember that when I was learning about positive discipline, the sentence that impressed me most was “be kind but firm.” As said in the book, rules need to be guarded with a firm attitude. If we can be firm and remain kind at the same time, we can offset all the problems caused by being too firm (rebellion, resistance, bruised children\’s self-esteem, and making children mistakenly think that their parents do not love them). yourself, etc.). I know it’s hard to be kind when your kids make mistakes. But I still want to remind everyone that when children have emotions, their parents choose to ignore them and respond with indifference for a long time. Children who are emotionally neglected will learn not only \”crying is useless\”, but also – \”Expression\” Emotions are useless” ● “When I feel sad or unhappy, I should suppress it” What we need to teach our children is not “don’t cry” or “can’t be unhappy”, but “when you are sad, besides crying, there is something else you can do.” What\”. Countermeasures: After empathizing with each other, guide the child to try new ways of venting—— ●Tell the child the real reason why crying is useless: Dingdang is in a rebellious period, and there will be times when crying becomes difficult. Usually I will tell him at this time : \”Mom really wants to help you. Tell her carefully, what do you want? If you cry like this, I don\’t know what you want, and I can\’t help you.\” – Guide the child to express his emotions instead of crying them out. ●Teach children other ways to vent their anger: For example, when reading picture books, I will prompt Dingdang to pay attention: Look at this child, he is so angry, and what did he do next? He stamped his feet and hammered his pillow. 3. Feeling of powerlessness in skills It’s like we really want to do something, but we just can’t do it well. In addition to dealing with our own feelings of powerlessness, the fundamental reason is that we lack the skills to do it. We still need to learn. For example, Qibao cried when he failed to exchange toys this time. In fact, it was because his expressive and social skills were not enough. What he needs is not only his mother\’s emotional empathy and comfort, but also his mother\’s help with skills. Countermeasures: To clarify the problem, how can teaching skills help? In fact, He Jie did a good job from the beginning. When Qibao asked Zhanzhen to give him a toy for the first time, Zhanzhen gave it to him, and He Jie taught Qibao to get other toys and exchange them with Zhanzhen. When the Qibao exchange failed for the second time, she only had to continue to teach her son how to express her requirements more clearly, or demonstrate to her son: \”You can tell Zhongzhen, what you want is not this piece, what you want is that speed, Show her with your finger. Talk to her nicely and ask her if she can give ityou? \”After letting Zhenzhen understand, Qibao gets the toy and the matter is solved. In this way, Qibao will not only stop crying, but also experience that crying cannot solve the problem, and that he needs to continue to work hard to communicate with clearer and more specific language and gestures in order to get himself. What you want. Every failure and crying incident of a child is actually an opportunity for growth, an opportunity to remind us what we should teach our children. 4. There is nowhere to vent deeper anxiety and uneasiness. Many parents love their children Crying is generally explained as a personality problem and is naturally sensitive. But in fact, if a child often cries violently because of trivial things, as a parent, you should reflect on it. The child may not be crying about the things in front of him, but a deeper uneasiness. This It\’s like if you have been wondering whether your husband is cheating on you during this period, and you are in a state of panic. Any little thing in life may make you angry and vulnerable, and people around you will think you are inexplicable. In fact, you are just You are just using those little things to vent your deeper uneasiness. I feel that part of Qibao\’s crying actually stems from the uneasiness about her parents separating and her father leaving: (Judging from the time, it is actually the period after she and her husband divorced. Time) He Jie actually also knows the real reason why the child has become fragile and sensitive: she has even been keenly aware of the child\’s sensitivity – Speaking of this, He Jie suddenly became sad and speechless. Qibao is 3 years old this year, and at the earliest age of a child He needed a sense of security. The most critical moment to establish a sense of security was when he experienced the birth of his sister, the conflict between his parents, their marriage, and almost becoming enemies. Watching his parents go from love to confrontation, watching his beloved mother, How can a child be insensitive, fragile, and not prone to crying if he is emotionally depressed and mentally exhausted for a long time? When Dan’s mother raised this point, she did not mean to blame He Jie at all. I think He Jie is the most painful and tiring person when the marriage has reached this point. That person. But I would like to take this opportunity to remind many parents: when we are worried and don’t understand why our children have bad personalities…when our children can’t be comforted no matter how hard they cry…don’t first think that it is the child’s problem. , it is not necessarily a problem of education. Please first think about whether there is a problem with the marriage, a problem with the atmosphere and environment of the family, or whether there is a problem with ourselves…