How important is the first \”triangular relationship\” in life to children?

Speaking of \”triangular relationship\”, what relationship do you think of first? Most people think of a triangle in a relationship. In fact, the first triangle relationship in a person\’s life is family relationship. This relationship is the basis for a child\’s understanding of \”social relationships\”. For most families, the baby\’s primary caregiver is the mother, with whom he will initially develop a relationship. In the baby\’s world, when he needs it, he asks for it from his mother, and the mother provides him with everything he needs – food, care, comfort, etc. If the mother is responsive to her child\’s needs, the baby will feel safe. A one-way \”take-and-give\” relationship is the first kind of relationship that people experience, and it is also the relationship that everyone instinctively wants to have because it is comfortable and safe. However, people must eventually grow out of this one-way relationship and develop a more complex network of relationships. The first step for a child to grow up is to realize that in addition to being close to him, his mother is also close to his father. In the early stages of life, when a child realizes that there is another \”important person\” in the mother, the mother will have intimate behaviors with this person, and her energy will be occupied by this person, and the child will instinctively feel nervous. Nervousness will cause him to start paying attention to the triangle in his life. I saw a widely circulated video on the Internet, which very vividly reflects a child\’s instinctive anxiety about the relationship between his parents. Babies will feel uneasy when seeing their parents being close to each other, and then start crying. At this time, both parents will pay attention to him, and he will be very happy. But when the father is close to the mother again, he will show angry emotions. In the baby\’s world, he is not quite able to understand that if a person loves others, he can also love me, or if a person loves me, he can also love others. Children are not born knowing that mom and dad are closely connected. Many children will feel uncomfortable seeing the person they are closest to having an intimate act with another person. Therefore, some psychological experts believe that the first object of a child\’s jealousy is his or her parents. But this kind of psychological discomfort is a good thing for the child. He will build the first relationship triangle in his life, and he can grow in intimate relationships. In fact, children have been observing the interactions between themselves and others around them, especially the interactions between their parents and others. Through the relationship between their parents and this person, they infer what kind of relationship they should have with this person. If the \”triangular relationship\” composed of children and parents can develop in a balanced way, the child will use this initial \”triangular relationship\” as a template to see many triangular relationships in his life – mom or dad, me, and someone. Brothers and sisters; mom, me, grandma; dad, me, grandpa… The family is like a circle, with many points in the circle, and they form many relationship triangles. The more children can develop a balanced \”triangular relationship\” with their parents, the better it will be for their character development, independence, and emotional development. It will also be easier for them to break away from the influence of their parents and start their own family when they become adults. If the mother only values ​​the relationship with her children and ignores the relationship with her husband, this one-way relationship will not be easily broken, and the relationship between the children and their father will not be easy to establish. Sometimes a couple has accumulated too many conflicts, and theyThey may unintentionally win over their children or even belittle each other in front of their children. For a child, he will be very sensitive to the problem of this family triangle, and he will start to have entanglements in his heart – if he is good with his mother, his father will be excluded; if he is good with his father, his mother will be excluded again. Most children who grow up in conflicting relationships with their parents will choose to get closer to one parent – usually their mother, and then reject their father together. Because the mother will instinctively assume more responsibility for taking care of her children, the children will want to retain the \”request-supply\” relationship with their mother. The now widely criticized \”mama\’s boy\” phenomenon is actually caused by the unbalanced relationship between children and their parents since childhood. Some boys will become their mother\’s \”spiritual partner\” as they grow up. After entering into marriage, the relationship between him and his mother may not be separated. Her mother may still take care of him in every possible way in life, and he can give her psychological comfort – such as obeying her words. But as his wife, you will feel left out or even rejected. Therefore, the father\’s role is very important when a child is growing up. If a child is too close to his mother, he will be less influenced by his father\’s role. He may look down on his father, or even hate his father. Although the ostracized father is still in the family, he will gradually become farther and farther away from his children and wife. I remember once reading a survey. The better the relationship between a man and his children, the lower his cheating rate. He is willing to spend more time at home and communicate with his wife. As the father and mother of a family, what should each do to better establish this family triangle relationship? What the father has to do is to take the initiative to get closer to the child and let the child know that not only his mother is important in his life, nor is he only his mother who loves him, but there is someone who also cares about him. The father of the child must join the parenting team. Men who learn about parenting before their children are born are more likely to accept the role of father. In establishing this triangle, the mother\’s role is even more critical. Mothers should leave part of the responsibility of caring for their children to fathers, leaving room for fathers to build relationships with their children. Although it is important for the mother to establish a relationship with her child at the beginning of the child\’s life, when the relationship between the mother and the child stabilizes, she needs to step back in time in some aspects and let the father take over. Parents also need to \”show affection\” in front of their children at the right time. Let the children know that mom and dad have a good relationship and they love each other, but their love for each other will not affect their love for me.