\”Mom, why is our house not as good as other people\’s houses?\” Your answer is very important.

A few days ago, a mother left a message asking me: \”Fish dad, my child asked why the house we live in is not as good as other children\’s homes. How should I answer?\” My answer at the time was \”Tell your child about the good things about your home.\” , Shift this focus.\” Then I thought about it and I was not satisfied with this answer, because the child asked this question, which means that he has begun to observe life and make comparisons. Escape and transfer are not good ways. Children\’s values ​​​​are silently formed through observation and comparison. For example, if a child sees his or her parents treating people sincerely, the child will see the sincerity of being a human being. Children see the vanity of their parents, and the children feel the vanity from it. Therefore, this question is difficult to answer. Because the answer lies in the words and deeds of parents and the cultural atmosphere of the family. Many parents say that our generation of parents is the saddest generation. The previous generation’s concept of parenting was that “everything is the child’s fault”, so beating and scolding was normal. But now we have become \”everything is the parents\’ fault\”. We should not beat or scold our children, but should reflect on ourselves. On the contrary, I feel that we are the luckiest generation of parents. Because from my own experience, I don’t want the past that I experienced to happen again with my children. Although my grandma loved me very much when I was a child, she was not good at expressing myself and would often hit me with bamboo branches without asking the whole story. I can still clearly remember the grievance and anger I felt at that time. If you are not a parent, you are not a parent in this era. Will we re-examine our childhood and the family education we experienced? So when a child asks this question. Please don\’t rush to answer, because the answer lies with you. When children feel that their family is poor, will they feel inferior? This is one of the most anxious questions for our contemporary parents. In the face of wealth and poverty, children actually don’t have the same sense of inferiority as we adults do. I just feel a little confused and want to understand the situation. Even if you have an inferiority complex, it\’s not necessarily a bad thing. Alfred Adler, the founder of individual psychology, said in \”Beyond Inferiority\”: All human behavioral motivations stem from the need to transcend inferiority. It is the feeling of inferiority that drives people\’s progress. In fact, we all have an inferiority complex. Even very good people will have an inferiority complex. This feeling is as normal as the ups and downs. It is only when you deny yourself that problems will arise. We need to let children understand that the quality of family conditions is not caused by children, and children should not bear this burden. Even if the family conditions are average, children with mental health can form a positive incentive under the guidance of their parents: \”I will work hard to change the status quo and make my family happy and live better and better.\” And poverty really makes children feel inferior. The reasons are parents\’ self-denial and family chaos. Some parents often cry to their children about poverty, hoping that their children will be sensible and filial. So we often hear words like this: \”In order to sign you up for this training class, your father and I have basically emptied our wallets. We don\’t dare to go shopping or go shopping. If you don\’t study hard, are you worthy of us?\” \”Us?\” The family depends on you, come on! We have all had a hard time.\” \”What I regret most is that I married the wrong person and was poor for most of my life. Alas! You will get married in the future.See clearly. \”Many times, you think it\’s just talk, but it may plant seeds in the child\’s sensitive heart and affect him for life. Crying about poverty to your child will make the child have low self-esteem from the root, because the parents who gave birth to him are like this, and his life is bleak and miserable. Light. There was a father on the Internet who said that his daughter asked him, Dad, is our family poor? I asked why, and my daughter said that someone in the class said that our family is poor. I said what do you think, but my daughter was silent. I asked again if there are any in your class. There are several classmates like you who study piano, dance, and English. My daughter said there are only three of them. I asked the classmate who said that our family is poor what his specialties are. My daughter said that he has no specialties. I said that if this classmate says that our family is poor again, you will She said, you have no special skills and you are the poorest. I also told my daughter that although our family is not rich, we are not short of money. What this father said is really good. Parents should help their children find something to be confident in, which is the core Values. If a child thinks that material things are the standard for evaluating a person\’s excellence, he will definitely have low self-esteem. If the child does not use this as a standard, such as a person\’s character, academic performance, ability, etc., he will not feel inferior because of Inferiority arises from material conditions. Regardless of whether you are rich or poor, you should not do everything for your children. But our current situation is \”Everything is for the children, everything for the children.\” \”So I\’m carrying my schoolbag after school. Don\’t do any work at home, go study. It\’s fine if I eat less, just to lose weight. I\’m used to doing things, I\’m not tired, I really am not. There was a saying that went viral some time ago: “The greatest tragedy is that children from ordinary families are raised into the second generation of rich people! \”Parents try their best to save money and live for their children. The children grow up in a honeypot with peace of mind. Especially some families who are not well-off are even more afraid of owing their children. They are worried that their children will be compared with other people\’s children. If you develop an inferiority complex, you will pamper your child even more. But what is the result? Your child is as domineering as a tiger at home and a mouse when he goes out. When your child is used to you doing everything, one day you will be too tired to move. He will not care about you. , but to blame you for not being as lively and lively as other parents. There is a relative in my hometown. When I was young, I felt that my family had two precious sons to carry on the family line. They were so happy that the whole family regarded them as treasures and pampered them. Later, one of the two sons was born in his father\’s house. With funding, I bought a car and rented it out. My younger son said he wanted to study. Then he went to a technical secondary school and played in school for three years. After leaving school, he stayed at home. There were a lot of construction sites in the past few years, so relatives always He was able to get a job. He was living well and gave his eldest son a down payment to buy a house. His eldest son just gave birth to a baby last year, and the arrival of the little one made him frown every day. He complained to us that his smoking was getting worse. , the car could only be parked in the garage and could not be filled with gas. Once he slammed his wine glass on the table and said: \”Why do other parents think about their children, buy a house and a car with full payment, and also raise grandchildren.\” \”He felt that it was too hard for him to support his children every month. And the family also contributed half of the money to buy the car. It can be said that the father at home deserves him. But he still complains about his parents. But the trouble of relatives is not that of the eldest son. complaints. But the younger son who was growing old at home said he wanted to buy a house and get married because his girlfriend was pregnant. No matter how much you preach to your children, it is better to let them experience for themselves that the world is not easy. Zeng Guofan said: \”In addition to studying, teaching your nephew to sweep the house, wipe tables and stools, collect manure, and hoe weeds is a very good thing. You must not do it because it will damage your dignity.\” Children can only continue to grow up in the process of growing up. Gain a sense of value through labor and learning. Instead of relying on a famous brand or the power of parents to gain a sense of value. Only in this way can we develop a correct outlook on life and values. In the face of poverty, some people \”become stronger by being poor, and have the ambition not to fall into the clouds\”. Some people are willing to degenerate into bandits or money-worshipping slaves. Why are the two so different? Is it innate? I think this is inseparable from the early spiritual nourishment and influence parents give their children. In the face of poverty, some people are like weeds sprouting from the cracks in the rocks. Let people feel the ironclad and unyielding spirit. Mo Yan mentioned in an article recalling his mother: \”My mother, with a sad face, hummed a little song while working hard! At that time, in our large family with a large population, the hardest working person was Mother, the most hungry person is also the mother. It is normal for her to cry while beating wild vegetables, but she is not crying but singing. My mother taught me that people must endure suffering and live unyieldingly. \”If you cannot give your children prosperity. The material living conditions are poor, but the love you give your children through words and deeds is incomparable to anything. Compared with the quality of material conditions, inner abundance is more important to a child\’s growth. The inner richness of a child is watered by the love of parents and family. Many parents leave their children when they are young, saying that they want to give their children the best conditions. When the child came back to him, he was no longer what he had imagined. No matter how difficult it is, please stay by your child\’s side and give him an answer with your own actions. When a child asks if our family is poor. Parents\’ positive and optimistic attitude towards life and a calm attitude towards rich and poor are the best answers.