Why let someone else discipline your child?

I saw a piece of news about a mother who sent her son to a school called Yuzhang Academy to \”kick off Internet addiction.\” As a result, the child was almost tortured to death. This mother did not tell her child that she would send him to this \”academy\” to study. Instead, she lied to her child about traveling. When my son was picked up by the academy\’s car, he didn\’t even know he was going to a school. He thought he was going to a hotel. As a result, the boy\’s nightmare soon began. In this school, he was locked up in a dark room, beaten, and forced to call his parents to report that he was safe… The boy\’s father also met his son once during his \”schooling\”, and the boy kept telling his father that he was handcuffed. , locked in a small dark room. The boy\’s father returned home and told his wife that he wanted his child to come home. However, the boy\’s mother firmly opposed it, believing that if she dropped out of school after paying tens of thousands of yuan in tuition, all her previous efforts would be in vain. Seeing that his parents never came to pick him up, the boy drank half a bottle of laundry detergent in despair and planned to commit suicide. Fortunately, he was immediately sent to the hospital and rescued, but the academy did not tell the boy\’s parents about the incident. When the boy finally saw his parents, he had been tortured beyond recognition. The man lost 50 pounds, his cheeks were sunken, and his eyes were full of resentment, but he kept saying \”I want to study hard\”… But he could no longer study hard because he was extremely scared after returning home, worried that someone would take him away again. . The boy also extremely distrusts his parents. When he goes out with his parents, he will quietly contact his psychotherapist and tell the therapist: I found something abnormal about my mother. I will quickly videotape it and send it to you. You can call the police for me… What\’s even more sad is that , the boy’s mother did not notice that there was anything wrong with this “academy” after the boy showed so many abnormal behaviors when he came home. It wasn\’t until I saw online reports about the academy\’s crimes that I believed what my son said was true. Internet addiction, like all \”addiction\” problems, has one characteristic: it is not just a behavioral problem, but the result of the gradual superposition of many factors, a large part of which is psychological. The boy\’s mother always felt that there was a \”problem\” with her child, but she never considered that there was something wrong with her parent-child relationship. A mother would rather believe the words of a stranger with whom she has had almost no interaction than the words of her child. Even when the child had so many problems after he came out of the academy, he was still unwilling to \”believe\” the child, and he didn\’t wake up until it was exposed on the Internet. In fact, parents hold the key to \”healing\” their children\’s hearts. Why should they teach their children to be \”disciplined\” by strangers who don\’t understand them? I want to tell you an almost textbook case of how a father helped his son \”quit\” Internet addiction. The son of one of my senior brothers came into contact with online games in junior high school and gradually became obsessed with them. Because of playing games, his grades in high school were a mess. The teacher called the senior brother and his wife to school and told them: If you keep playing like this, your son will never want to go to college again. The senior brother was so angry that he beat his son violently when he returned home. After the beating, he was unable to calm down and couldn\’t sleep for several days. When his wife saw him like this, she said to her son: You see, your father is so anxious for you that his hair has turned a lot whiter. The son actually replied: It\’s none of my business, he needs to be anxious, and I didn\’t make him anxious. This sentence is enough for himBeat your son again. But he suddenly realized one important thing – his son was right. He was anxious about his son\’s current situation, and that was his anxiety. He is anxious because he is an adult and he knows that it is not easy for a person to gain a foothold in society. But his son has had no worries about food and clothing since he was a child, so how can he have survival anxiety? So in the final analysis, by beating and scolding his son, he imposed his own anxiety on his son. After thinking about it, he decided to talk to his son. He said to his son: There are many paths in life. You may not necessarily go to college, and we will not force you to go to college. You know very well what your current grades are, and it is impossible for you to get into college. If you\’re not preparing for college, high school is a waste of time. When he heard him say that he would not force you to study, his expression instantly relaxed. He continued: You are an adult when you turn 18. If you don’t want to study, your mother and I will no longer support your life. You need to find a way to make a living on your own. But if you want to continue studying, we can support you for a few more years. My suggestion is to find you a technical college or vocational high school. If you learn some skills in the past few years, it will be easier to find a job. The son muttered in a low voice: I don’t know what kind of job to look for. He said: You like playing games so much, have you ever considered learning software programming? Specializing in the design and development of games, you can also play games openly. If anyone says you are playing, just say that I am working and experiencing the product. The son thought for a while and said: This is a good idea. Hearing what his son said, the senior brother felt secretly happy. He had thought about this for a long time, and it should be said to be a \”routine\” – first remove the child\’s defensiveness towards him, then relieve him of the pressure of learning, and then help him set a goal for the future. But at the same time, he also warned him that there will be greater pressure waiting for you in life. The first battle was successful. He then said to his son: I don\’t want you to make a decision now. I will take you on a trip during the holiday after you finish the exam. During the trip, you can carefully consider whether to continue high school or drop out. He also thought about the travel plan for a long time before deciding on it. If my son is at home during the holidays, he will definitely become more addicted to games. If you want him not to be addicted to games, there must be one thing that can inspire him to be more passionate than games. He has bought many books on Chinese history and world history for his children since they were young. The children have always dreamed of traveling. Traveling can divert children\’s attention from games, and he also wants to take advantage of this time to repair the relationship with his children. About two weeks before school started, his son suddenly came to him and said: Dad, after thinking about it for a long time, I decided to take the college entrance examination. It is easier to get into a good company after majoring in software engineering in college. I still want to work in a good company. His son repeated high school for one year, was admitted to a key university, and is now studying software. I remember asking my senior brother at the time: Aren\’t you afraid that your son will drop out of school when he returns from a trip? The senior brother said: If he really drops out of school, I will respect his decision. Who will not make mistakes in life? He is still young and has the capital to make mistakes. After a while he added: But I know he won\’t. I know my child very well. He actually wants to make progress in his heart, but at that moment in his life, he doesn’t know what to do and needs my help.help him. Both boys are obsessed with games and don\’t want to read. One chooses to hand over the child to someone who doesn\’t understand it at all, and the other chooses to solve it on his own, helping the child find his life goal, helping the child transfer his obsession with games, and rebuild the parent-child relationship. In fact, parents are their children’s best psychotherapists, bar none. Even an excellent psychotherapist cannot achieve good therapeutic results without the assistance of the child\’s parents. I hope parents can learn a little bit about psychology. Most of the time, you really don’t need to leave your children to others for “healing”. You have the ability to heal your children.