Only with the right kind of love can children grow up to be what their parents expect.

Some time ago, a five-episode documentary \”Post Zero\” premiered on CCTV and went viral on WeChat Moments. Starting in 2006, the Documentary Center of Beijing Normal University began to track and record more than ten post-00s children from a kindergarten, from kindergarten to elementary school and then to middle school, for 10 years. According to 10 years of records, children with different personalities grow into different people under different education models. The protagonist Xikun in the first episode: Xikun was a \”naughty kid\” when he was a child. He threw the kindergarten children\’s shoes and footballs into the trash can, messed up the neatly arranged things, and threw high things around. Xikun’s mother put all her efforts into her children. For Xikun, his mother moved, quit her job, and took care of everything for him. Xikun graduated from elementary school and participated in an English summer camp. His mother called him to tell him what color clothes to wear. When the camp ended, Xikun didn\’t want to perform magic, so his mother rushed to the scene to coax him to participate. Xikun has been very dependent on his mother since he was a child. When he encounters difficulties, he always thinks that \”my mother will help him.\” At 12 years old, he is still a baby in his mother\’s eyes. Xikun said in the interview: I play games with my mother and it’s very comfortable. As safe as in the womb. He even said that he wanted to return to his mother\’s belly. During the past ten years, Xikun\’s mother has worried and worried about various details of her child every day, constantly wanting her child and herself to be perfect. But Xikun has grown from a naughty and cute toddler into an introverted, a bit decadent and confused child who doesn\’t care about the things he likes. My mother was very helpless. She said: There is a saying that you should be a 60% mother, not 70% or 80%, and don’t be too perfect. But I wanted to be the perfect mother from the beginning, and something went wrong. I worry too much and am failing as a mother. Xikun\’s mother did a perfect job for her child, but the child did not grow into what the mother expected. She may not have realized that a child is an independent individual and will one day leave his parents to face this complex world and the ups and downs of life alone. Parents cannot stay with their children for a lifetime. Let your children experience it, let them learn from it, learn to live independently and understand self-protection, and have enough ability to walk freely in society. This is the love that parents should give their children the most. Xikun\’s mother took some detours in the first 12 years of loving Xikun. Whether Xikun can grow into an independent and responsible young man in the future requires the joint efforts of mother and son to correct it. The process of correction may be difficult, but as long as there is determination, Everything is possible. Xikun\’s growth brings us this thought: As parents, how should we love our children? The correct approach should be: 1. Parents should encourage their children whether they do well or not. On weekends, my mother brought Yanyan, who is in first grade, to attend a gathering of colleagues. At a colleague\’s house, a colleague teased Yanyan: \”Yanyan, sing a song for auntie.\” Yanyan ignored her mother\’s colleague. When her mother saw her, she said to Yanyan: \”Auntie, are you talking to me? Ignore other children. Mothers don\’t like children who are not well-behaved! Don\’t you sing beautifully? Sing to your aunt.\” Unexpectedly, Yanyan looked at the strange aunt, grabbed the corner of her mother\’s clothes and hid behind her. MotherHe pulled Yan Yan out and said softly: \”Good boy! Sing quickly!\” Yan Yan remained silent. Mom was a little embarrassed and pretended to be angry and said, \”Mom doesn\’t like you because you are so naughty.\” Unexpectedly, as soon as her mother finished speaking, Yanyan\’s tears fell. Something like \”If you don\’t behave well, your mother won\’t like you.\” Perhaps many parents have said this. Our original intention is to encourage children to perform well. But we don’t know that we have unknowingly turned love into a utilitarian one, and it seems that we have turned love into a bargaining chip for exchange. Children are very sensitive to their parents\’ love. Words like \”If you are not good, mommy doesn\’t like you\”, if said too often, it will give children a psychological hint: Only by doing well according to their parents\’ requirements can they gain their love, otherwise, they will be abandoned. Once this kind of negative suggestion occupies the heart for a long time, the child will lose himself in love and affect the healthy growth of the soul. The correct approach is: when a child is unwilling to behave in front of others, do not say hurtful words such as \”If you are not good, I don\’t like (love) you.\” If the child does not do well, parents should encourage them. For example, they can say: \”You are very brave. You will definitely do better next time.\” In this way, the child will work harder and strive to do better every time. From childhood to adulthood, what parents should give their children is this kind of reassuring and practical love: No matter how I behave, my parents love me unconditionally. 2. Accept your child’s imperfections. Everyone is imperfect, including parents themselves. Sometimes, many imperfect parents always want to have a perfect child and demand it from them. Wise parents do not use language or behavior to treat their children violently just because they are not perfect. Even the slightest complaint or dissatisfaction in the parents\’ hearts about their children\’s imperfections will lead to their own demands for their love, which will put psychological pressure on their children. Faye Wong\’s approach can be said to be our model when it comes to accepting children\’s imperfections. The eldest daughter Dou Jingtong is not a good child in the traditional sense. She refused to go to school at the age of 14. She interrupted her studies for a year at the prestigious Beijing No. 4 Middle School and then went to the United States to study music. Later, the music school in the United States was not completed, and she did not even have a decent diploma. However, it was she who formed her own band at the age of 13 and wrote her first original English single at the age of 15. Dou Jingtong is low-key, humble and never hypes himself up in the name of his parents. She is also warm and kind. For the sake of her sister Li Yan\’s cleft lip and palate, she even had a long line tattooed from her chin to her neck. In an alternative way, she accompanies her sister on the painful and joyful road of life. My younger sister, Li Yan, was born with a congenital cleft lip and palate. She has undergone many surgeries since she was a child, and she is still not in perfect condition. But Li Yan has a strong aura: she plays on Weibo, plays with beauty shots, makes videos, teaches the public how to match clothes, how to put on makeup, and how to take beautiful photos from different angles. She doesn’t care about her flaws being exposed in front of others and being criticized. This year, Faye Wong and Li Yapeng let Li Yan go to Paris for a catwalk. And Li Yan is in the critical eyes of the world, confidently showed off her fashion debut. As we all know, Faye Wong has attracted mixed praise and criticism from the public with her independent behavior. But Faye Wong has never cared about the public\’s opinion. She has always gone her own way and lived her own wonderful life without any regrets, which has deeply affected her two daughters. Faye Wong and her daughters Dou Jingtong and Li Yan are not perfect. Everyone, who can be 100% perfect? From the positive and sunny growth of Dou Jingtong and Li Yan, we can see that Faye Wong has strong wisdom as a mother: she accepts the imperfections in herself and her daughters, and with an interesting soul, she personally guides her two daughters to face life calmly and confidently, and live out their lives. The splendor of your own life. No matter what the child is like, accepting the child\’s imperfections, teaching the child to face his own life, be calm and calm, and actively and optimistically create a beautiful life of his own is the correct way for parents to love their children. 3. Combination of love and education. Only love without education is blind; only education without love is ruthless. No matter what kind of love, children will not like it. The most wise love is to integrate love and education. The teaching notes of the famous educator Mr. Li Zhenxi\’s \”This Is How I am a Class Teacher\” show that he loves every student selflessly, whether he is a \”good student\” or a \”bad student\”. He respects and cares for the child\’s nature and strives not to harm the child\’s self-esteem unknowingly. Treat the child as an independent person and listen to the child\’s voice with a child-like heart. Heart-to-heart communication makes teachers and students connected to each other. Education can be carried out in such a tacit understanding of the soul, making education simple and efficient. Teacher Li Zhenxi said: Education is a heart-to-heart activity. The same is true when returning to family education: there is no education without love, and love separated from education is incomplete love. Intimate sister Lu Qin said in her new book \”Let Every Child Be Wonderful\”: What is love? Love is a pocket. Putting things in brings a sense of satisfaction; taking things out brings a sense of accomplishment. In the process of children\’s growth, the best love that parents can give their children is to respect their children\’s growth trajectory, give them enough and correct love and nourishment in their companionship, and then wait for the flowers to bloom.