Mom, don\’t be angry, I really won\’t

I was eagerly thinking about teaching my child some skills, but the child responded with \”I don\’t know how.\” What\’s your mood like? I think many parents have this trouble. Because when you look at all kinds of parents who are forced to jump up and down when tutoring their children with homework. It\’s like seeing what you looked like in the past, or what you look like now. I still remember one time I bought fruit at the fruit shop in the community. As soon as I entered, I saw the proprietress helping her son with his homework. She was so angry that she had no time to care about me as a customer. I had just picked a few apples when I heard a loud roar from behind: \”It\’s so simple, why can\’t you? Why! Tell me why! I\’ve taught you this five times, tell me why! I don\’t have to give it to you. Write it down!\” The child seemed very calm and must have been used to his mother\’s tone. \”Mom, I don\’t know how.\” \”You know how to eat. In addition to eating and playing, what else can you do? Tell me!\” At this time, the child just stared at the homework book, not knowing how to write. His mother grabbed the pen and put it on the table. \”Stop writing, you are not good at studying. You and your dad will continue to sell fruit from now on.\” \”I like selling fruit!\” the child said to his mother. By this time, my mother was so angry that her face turned pale. \”Kids, you have to read a good book before you can sell fruit.\” I tried to lighten the atmosphere. \”I don\’t want to study. My teacher criticizes me at school and my mother criticizes me at home. Reading is boring,\” the child told me. I paid and left. I kept thinking about the child\’s words. In fact, it\’s not that he doesn\’t like learning, but that he no longer has the confidence to learn well. When a child encounters difficulties in learning. What he needs is guidance and encouragement from his parents, not scoldings one after another. Over the long term, you will find that your child\’s ability to \”bear\” is getting stronger and stronger. So that one day, your yelling will become meaningless. Hitting and scolding is never an effective method of discipline. Out-of-control parents cannot truly get into their children\’s hearts. And your yelling is sometimes a surrender to your own weakness. It is telling the child that there is nothing I can do, so you see my hysteria. And when the mood is out of control. Parents most like to label their children: \”You are not good at reading.\”. \”You are just like your good-for-nothing father.\”. \”You are as stupid as a pig.\” \”How can you be so stupid? You just know that you can\’t do it.\” Many children\’s confidence in learning is destroyed by such a blow. \”My academic performance will not be good, teachers and parents have said so.\” So, when your child often tells you \”I can\’t\”. What is more important than getting angry is to cultivate your child\’s confidence. Why do children lose confidence? How is children\’s confidence built? We can find the answer starting from the source of self-confidence. Whether a child can build self-confidence is largely dependent on the following three reasons: Whether the child receives unconditional love, encouragement and recognition from his parents. What children care about most is their parents\’ love. Many parents say they love their children, but in fact they do so with conditions. I will love you if you are good, but I will not love you if you are not good. Such situations can make children feel confused. Psychologists believe that children\’s self-confidence and affirmation of their own value as a person are fundamentallyUnconditional love from parents. What is unconditional love? Just because you are my child, I love you and will always love you. It has nothing to do with what kind of child you are. This kind of love will give children the initial sense of security. It is a basis for cultivating self-confidence. How do children first know themselves? They will learn about themselves from their parents’ words. For example, you say that he is a kind child who often helps other people. This child will recognize himself in his heart and feel that he is kind. And if you often accuse him of being a child who cannot learn well, he will also feel that he is a child who cannot learn well. So please allow your child to show weakness and withdraw. When your child tells you \”I don\’t know how\”. Don\’t rush to criticize your child for not being motivated enough, and don\’t rush to deny your child. Whether to guide children to pursue a sense of superiority. Every child is born with the pursuit of superiority. A mentally healthy child desires to become outstanding and be recognized by his parents and people around him. Therefore, when a child says \”I can\’t\”, never doubt the child\’s pursuit of superiority. Maybe he just wasn\’t ready, or didn\’t find a way. For example, my son learns chess. At that time, he said he wanted to learn, so I signed him up. I studied once a week for nearly three months. At first, he came home excitedly and told me what he had learned. But I stopped talking about it later. I could clearly feel his nervousness. Because he has no foundation, not much contact, and is young. I was assigned to the junior class, with the kids in the senior class. He must have felt the pressure. I think I have to be a good sparring partner. So I took a book to study on my own and practiced with him every week. Slowly I saw his progress. But when I asked him to play chess, I said to him: \”Come, daddy, let\’s play with you and see how much you have improved?\” \”I have regressed.\” \”I feel that you are improving. The more you practice, the more progress you will make.\” \”I I still feel that I have regressed.\” He is using regress to build a psychological safety zone for himself. Used to protect oneself and avoid falling into a situation of inferiority. in this case. Parents\’ attitudes and practices are very important. No matter what, it is obvious that the child is left to feel the pressure alone, with no one to accompany him to guide him. If you control too much and push too hard, the children will resist and even doubt their abilities. The best way is to study it together with him. See what the difficulty is. In this kind of companionship, the child\’s abilities can be gradually strengthened and the child will begin to become more confident. Give children the courage and encouragement to pursue excellence while accompanying them. It is far more useful than urging someone behind your back or scolding them after making a mistake. Whether to give children the opportunity to be independent and gain self- and external recognition. Please spend more time training your children. Don\’t spoil your child or dote on your child, for fear that he will suffer hardship. And one day I couldn\’t stand it anymore, or I was stimulated. Immediately, on a whim, I thought of training my children. \”Put the toys away immediately! Otherwise, you will be spanked.\” \”Mop the floor.\” \”Wash your own feet today.\” \”This test must be above 95 in each item!\” As a result, the child stood there, not knowing what to do. . Please stop being self-reliant. When a child doesn\’t know how to do it, you can teach the child how to do it instead of doing it for him.. Give children opportunities to make mistakes. Because what children experience themselves can be used throughout their lives. Don’t put too much faith in waiting for the flowers to bloom. Because in \”An\’s Seed\”, the thousand-year-old lotus bloomed, and it didn\’t wait for it to come. Instead, An understood the needs of the lotus and found a pool of water for it to nourish it. With these preparations, wait and see the flowers bloom. When your child tells you no, please don’t get angry. When a child has the love and protection of his parents in his heart, he can follow his inner desire for excellence and become confident through continuous efforts and training. He may still tell you \”I don\’t know how\”, but after saying it, he will learn it confidently.