If your child is bullied, should you vent your anger on your behalf? The parents had a falling out

It is said that love lasts forever. If a child is bullied outside, who wouldn\’t feel bad for it? After coaxing the baby, I felt relieved. For example, my friend’s daughter just entered kindergarten this year. My friend is worried every day, worried that her daughter will be bullied by other children. Every day when she comes home, she always asks, “Did anyone bully you in kindergarten today?”, and he keeps brainwashing her: \”If anyone dares to bully you, come back and tell your father, and he will vent your anger on your behalf!\” The editor really wants to ask: How would you vent your anger on your child? Should we ask teachers and parents for comment, or should we start a fight directly, or even beat up the \”naughty child\” of the other party? How would you \”let your anger out\” on your child? Generally speaking, after learning (or feeling) that their children have suffered a loss, parents have different reactions: \”Whoever hit you, hit me back immediately!\” There was once a \”joke\” on social platforms that was very popular. Popular saying: I will not offend others unless they offend me; if someone offends me, I will eradicate them. Although this statement is exaggerated, \”If someone hits me, I will hit him back\” has indeed become the parenting philosophy of many young parents today. A kindergarten in Leshan City, Sichuan conducted a questionnaire survey on parents of children in the kindergarten. The results showed that about 60% of the parents said that their children should develop a strong character and \”fight back\” when bullied. Why call back? This type of parents believe that children do not understand the truth and do things based on nature. If they tolerate it again and again, they will definitely make others feel weak and can be bullied, and they will bully them even more in the future. However, it is impossible for parents to be with their children all the time, so they must learn to protect themselves, not to just tolerate it, and not to hesitate when it is time to fight back! Some parents will even say to their obedient children: \”If others bully you again and you don\’t fight back, I will beat you back when you come back!\” Can \”beating back\” really stop children from being bullied? Parents\’ original intention of letting their children beat back is to make their children braver. However, the consequences are not as beautiful as you think: ① The beaten child may be beaten more seriously. I wonder if the mother notices? Children who like to hit others are particularly easily angered. If the child who is hit fights back, it is likely to further anger the child who hit others and receive a more serious beating. ② Children may mistakenly believe that hitting can resolve conflicts and encourage children to hit back when hit. Children may also think that hitting is the best way to resolve conflicts. As for when it should be used and when it should not be used, it is difficult for children to distinguish clearly. . ③Two children may end up injured in the fight, and a small conflict may escalate into a serious fight. Who can guarantee that the other party will not be injured accidentally in the process? There are radical activists who want to take a step back to open up the world, and naturally there are also conservatives who don’t want to cause trouble. Some parents believe that bumping into children is inevitable, and it is normal for children to fight and fight, so there is no need to make a fuss. Refusing to take action is not necessarily a sign of cowardice, but a sign of kindness. \”Take a step back to open up the world\” is also beneficial to the growth of children. Therefore, if a child is bullied, there is no need to cry and call for mother. It is best to let the child learn to solve the problem on his own, such as bravely saying \”no\” to the child, or reporting the teacher immediately and asking the teacher toThe teacher will handle it. Tolerance is not a bad thing, but don’t let your children “submit.” There is nothing wrong with the philosophy of tolerant parents, but they must be careful not to let their children fall into a situation of “submit.” For example, some children think that when someone bullies me, even my parents don\’t help me to deal with it. I have told the teacher, and the teacher has criticized the child, but he still remains the same. It seems that he will have to endure it silently in the future. If a child has been bullied since childhood and dare not resist, or feels that he should not resist, he will become more and more inferior in self-esteem, less and less aware of how to safeguard his own interests, and will be bullied more and more as he grows up. \”Whoever dares to bully my child, I will beat his mother as well!\” Of course, there are also parents with hot tempers. They cannot bear to see that their children are timid, introverted, and cannot be \”wolves\”, and they cannot bear to let their children be \”sheep\”. Therefore, this type of parents will feel: \”My child cannot be bullied by others!\” \”Children who are bullied by others have no ability and no future.\” Once the child is angry (or thinks that the child has been bullied), the parents will definitely not He hesitated to come forward and help his children \”get justice\”: Not long ago, a grandfather directly beat his granddaughter\’s \”naughty child\” in order to vent his anger on him: There are news reports: On the morning of December 8, in Yubei District, At Zhongyi Rose City Kindergarten, two children, Pengpeng and Tingting, had some physical contact while they were moving around freely. When Tingting\’s grandfather saw it, he was furious. He rushed forward and tore at Pengpeng. From the surveillance video, it can be seen that the two children only had a slight contact and no one was injured. However, Tingting\’s grandfather mistakenly believed that his granddaughter was being bullied and scratched Pengpeng\’s face. After the incident happened, Tingting\’s parents came to Pengpeng\’s house to apologize, but her grandfather never came forward. It wasn\’t until Pengpeng\’s mother made an appointment with the other family to meet in the kindergarten that Tingting\’s grandfather came to the kindergarten, sincerely apologized to Pengpeng, and expressed his willingness to bear the costs of Pengpeng\’s subsequent treatment or psychological counseling. He went to the police station to vent his anger on his child\’s behalf. Although the incident itself did not seem serious and the little boy was not seriously injured, fortunately, the little boy\’s parents were relatively rational. If the police were called, the grandfather who vented his anger on his granddaughter would not be able to resolve the matter with an apology or compensation: △In January 2018, on the afternoon of January 6, Liaoning, in a naughty castle in a shopping mall in Yinzhou District, Tieling City, Liaoning Province. Two parents had a friction while their children were playing. One of the male parents and two companions beat the other female parent and her son wildly. The attacker even picked up a stool and hit the boy (13 years old) who had fallen to the ground, causing death. The matriarch suffered broken ribs and the child was in a coma. According to the appraisal by relevant departments, the matriarch\’s injuries were minor injuries of the second degree. On January 8, three men surrendered and are currently under criminal detention by the local police on suspicion of intentional injury. △In November 2017, a father from a school in Shaanzhou District, Henan Province, went to school and beat three 11-year-old students on the grounds that his children were bullied and beaten by other students. He kicked two of the children in the buttocks each. He hit another child on the head with his hand. The school immediately stopped him and called the police after discovering the incident. Although the three children were fine, the father was still placed in administrative detention for 15 days.and fined 1,000 yuan. △In September 2017, a 38-year-old father in Hangzhou, Zhejiang Province rushed into the community and slapped a 6-year-old child repeatedly because his son was being bullied by other children. He also fought with the child\’s mother who stepped forward to stop him. As a result, the father was detained administratively for 13 days and fined. △In May 2016, a mother in the preschool class of Huayu Primary School in Ziyang County, Shaanxi Province, because her 6-year-old son got into a fight with a classmate. In order to vent her anger on her son, the mother rushed to the class and slapped her son\’s classmate several times, causing her childbirth. nosebleed. The mother was also sentenced to administrative detention for 15 days and fined 500 yuan. This is what you need to do to \”let your anger out\” on your baby! It seems that when a child is bullied, it is not advisable to be patient and impulsive. However, the fire nestling in the hearts of parents and children cannot be suppressed. If it is held in for a long time, there will always be opportunities to vent it out. Just like the Hangzhou father above, his son was bullied over and over again, and he always looked for opportunities to take revenge, but he just went too far, and when he finished getting angry, he was arrested. If your child is bullied, should you vent your anger on your behalf? of course yes! But the method to be adopted depends on the following: 01. Treat the matter of \”being bullied\” correctly. Fighting among children in kindergarten or just entering elementary school does not mean they really want to bully others. Because children always have to come into contact with other children of the same age. Touching, pulling, and pushing the bodies of other children are inevitable, and this is what they must experience as they grow up. Some children may be unable to control their behavior due to physiological reasons, while others use excessive methods to attract attention. In any case, simply viewing the conflict relationship between children as a relationship between bullying and being bullied obviously adds to the subjective consciousness of adults without a deep understanding of children\’s thoughts. If adults deal with it in an extreme way, it will have a negative impact on the child\’s growth. 02. Give your child trust and support. If your child is bullied, go home and tell your parents. Sometimes you may not want your parents to tell you what to do, but you may just want to get a little warmth from your parents. Therefore, when a child tells you that he has been bullied, do not rush to educate the child or lead the child to the door angrily. Children cannot seek refuge under the wings of their parents for the rest of their lives. Calm down and comfort the child, let the child come out of the grievance, sadness and other emotions of being bullied by the children, and explain clearly what happened between them. 03. Give your children some specific suggestions for solutions. We cannot guard our children at school all the time to protect them from being bullied, but we can give our children some specific suggestions, such as reporting to the teacher, reasoning with the kid who hits someone, etc. And cheer the children up and encourage them to deal with these problems on their own. In this way, children will gain practical experience from their own lives and learn how to deal with conflicts, how to deal with other people\’s mistakes, and how to deal with the consequences of their own mistakes. 04. You can stand up for your child, but you must never do anything! If a child is indeed bullied and the child cannot solve the problem by himself, then he must communicate with the teacher and the other parent in time. While allowing the incident to be resolved smoothly, it can also set a correct example for the children and guide themChildren build good cognition and develop their self-confidence. Be careful not to make noises or even fights in class. This will not only be ineffective, but will also create an image of the child as weak and unreliable. Parents are their children\’s best teachers. When it comes to \”venting their anger\”, parents must handle it well and ensure that they set a good example. The children will naturally learn how to get along with their friends and how to solve the small problems in the children\’s world. conflict.