Why is your child so timid and crying? Please stop labeling him.

A few days ago, a mother said that her child did not call anyone when meeting relatives and friends outside. Then the adult teased him: \”Why are you so timid?\” He turned to her seriously and said: \”Boys should be bolder and don\’t always control them. Look at my family.\” She felt very puzzled. A perfectly normal child, why is he defined as timid? And he was so sure to label him a coward in front of the child. But because of her face, she could only hold back her anger. During holidays, we always see many adults asking little ones to say hello to relatives they haven’t seen for a long time. \”Hurry up and call aunt! You can\’t be rude!\” \”How many times have I taught you, hurry up and call someone!\” \”Hurry up and call uncle, otherwise I will beat you!\” Sometimes, the child will obey and squeeze out the words from his mouth. A few words. The parents who had good face immediately said, \”The voice is too quiet, try again!\” As a result, many children fell silent immediately, and shed tears of grievance. There is also a kind of child who doesn\’t scream no matter what you say, and even hides or runs away. Some serious parents just take their children back and force them to leave before they call. He also said, \”I\’m really not polite, and I still need to be disciplined. I\’m used to it!\” In fact, in this situation, parents are doing it for their own face. When relatives and friends meet, holding their children is like holding their own works to participate in the competition. The performance of my own works is not good, so I feel annoyed and lose face. So I tried every means to get my children to obey and cooperate with me. But children who are emotional just don\’t do it and stick to their own ideas. As a parent, when forcing your children to say hello, you must be careful not to hurt your children\’s self-esteem because of face. You know, a child\’s small body also has great self-esteem. Child psychology tells us that children have self-esteem, and they also have a strong sense of humiliation. Don’t label your children just because they don’t say hello. In childhood, the labels given by parents often follow the children throughout their lives. If adults put various labels on children, it is equivalent to defining the child. Such a definition will give the child a great suggestion power, because you don’t understand my child at all, so please don’t define or label him. What children need is encouragement! Every child\’s personality is different. Some children have enthusiastic and unrestrained personalities and get to know people easily. But there are many children who are cautious and slow to warm up. When you meet for the first time, don\’t be too affectionate, especially if you haven\’t seen each other for a long time. At least let the child get used to it, or ask for his permission. Because little ones also have their own ideas. Their little mouths and tender little faces are not those of dolls. They also have their own ideas, likes and dislikes. If you really love him, then talk to him first, or play games together, and let him slowly accept you. In the same way, we shouldn’t expect your children to be affectionate the first time they meet you. Once, a friend met me holding his four-year-old son. The friend quickly said: \”Quick, call me uncle.\” The child stared at the ground, and the atmosphere was very awkward. He began to urge: \”Hurry up and scream. How did I teach you!\” I actually understood the child\’s little thoughts and said to him with a smile: \”Hello, I am your father\’s good friend. You probably don\’t know him yet.I\’m not used to it, right? \”Actually, I thought that if I said this, my friend would understand and not be embarrassed. But my friend was still urging me anxiously: \”It\’s really rude, don\’t look at me and I won\’t deal with you when I get home. \”Then the child\’s little mouth pouted with a look of grievance. The child knows himself in respect and begins to understand his relationship with others. A child who has been fully respected has a heart full of kindness and courage. Maybe they They won\’t call people at first because they have their own psychological defense mechanism called \”stranger anxiety.\” Stranger anxiety and separation anxiety occur at the same time, and are also a biological protective instinct. Strangers or strange environments , especially being close to strangers, will cause babies to feel insecure, which is the root cause of the stranger fear reaction. It mainly occurs in children 6-12 months old, and will gradually weaken after 1 year old, but when children are in front of At that moment, they will be naturally wary of strangers, which will last for a long time. They will carefully observe and test, judge the relationship between this person and their parents, and feel this person\’s attitude towards themselves. Will it hurt? What about yourself? Do you like me? In fact, this is a milestone in children\’s psychological development. Children will take the initiative to contact and communicate with each other after making judgments. When they start to interact, they also learn to protect themselves. Isn\’t this what we hope? Does the child have the ability? When it comes to saying hello to the child, you need to give the child enough respect and enough time. I still remember when my son was more than two years old. My uncle came to the house as a guest. At that time, my son should have only met him once. We met twice. So when his uncle teased him and called his name, he would either hold the toy and seemed not to hear. Grandma pulled him over and asked him to respond. As a result, he turned around and ran away. Every time It was very embarrassing. One time I was there and I said, \”He is still a little unfamiliar. I believe it will be fine once he becomes more familiar with it.\” \”Then I pulled him over and played with him. The child relaxed immediately. I knew that he was living in the country at that time and didn\’t have many contacts with people. And he wasn\’t strong enough at this age. He didn\’t learn how to interact with others. So, I calmly accepted his \”impoliteness\”. When I was 4 years old, I took him out more often. I also had many more opportunities to get along with people. Starting from some points around me. For example, breakfast shops, small shops, vegetable stalls, fruit stalls, playgrounds… In all places, we start to get to know people, and encourage them to buy things independently and ask for letters. Slowly develop this communication ability. So when When he met his uncle again at a party, he was a completely different person. He began to interact and play with people at the table generously. Once, my friend went with me to pick him up from kindergarten. I told him it was when I was in college. We were classmates at that time and slept in the same dormitory. They were best friends. At this time, he secretly glanced at his uncle. Then on the way home, we chatted happily. When we got home, he had already started talking to his uncle about kindergarten. story. Why do children have such changes? The first is the influence of the growing environment. Many times, the protection of children by the elderly makes children afraid of strangers.. In particular, some elderly people like to \”scare\” their children so that they will obey. The result is a child who feels insecure about the world around him. I feel afraid of everyone I see. And not allowing children to have more contact with outside spaces will also cause such problems. The power of parental example. Children often observe their parents\’ attitude towards their friends carefully. When you treat others with kindness and smile, your children will also feel relaxed. If you always keep a straight face, no one will look at you. Children will also learn your attitude invisibly. When parents are truly well-educated, their children will be good too. Fully respect your children. If it is a planned meeting, communicate well with your child beforehand and tell him who he will meet in advance. Would you like to say hello to them? If it is an accidental encounter, do not force the child or even threaten him to call someone. This will only make the child more disgusted with \”saying hello\”. When a child actually works up the courage to say hello. Then give him a big thumbs up, and they will also gain confidence. In fact, this is also an important step for them to learn to interact with others. Parents\’ respect and affirmation will make children more confident to do this well.