Goodbye, parents’ love that stands on the moral high ground!

After the divorce, my happiness has improved by more than one level than before, and my skin has also improved a lot. But perhaps because the child’s grandma is highly myopic and presbyopic, she turns a blind eye to all this. From time to time she sighs sadly because I am single and raising a child. One time, he simply told me directly, \”You never get married. It makes people angry just thinking about it.\” The elderly are weak and children are naughty by nature. It is really hard for the elderly to take care of their children, so I had to smile silently. Not long after, my mother told me a shocking news. Someone in the village actually wanted to introduce me to a deaf man who had only graduated from junior high school and worked on a construction site. \”It\’s hard to be deaf, it\’s not convenient for you to live,\” my mother said hesitantly, with a hint of bitter helplessness in her tone. I was mentally prepared for how a remote and backward mountain village would discriminate against a divorced woman with children. Although I didn\’t expect it to be so exaggerated, after all, they were strangers who had nothing to do with me, and I didn\’t care what they thought. What I care about is my mother\’s attitude. Although it is not appropriate to fall out with the introducer from the same village in person, I wish that when chatting with me in private, my mother would say, \”My daughter is so good that she will not just find someone to marry.\” Unfortunately, my mother\’s help to me was limited. Yes, there was care for me and concern for me, but the only thing missing was the trust and encouragement for me. It\’s not my mother\’s fault. She was born in a family that favors boys over girls. There are five brothers and sisters in the family. My grandmother was in poor health. My mother was forced to go home to take care of the family when she was in elementary school until the fifth grade. It took another two years before she had the chance to return to school. She suddenly became the big sister in the class. All her classmates were shorter than her. Her mother, who was sitting in the last row of the classroom, felt very embarrassed. Soon she dropped out of school and went home to take care of her family. It wasn\’t until she was cheated while shopping at a market after she got married that her mother realized that not going to school would be a problem and that she would be easily bullied, so she made up her mind to send her two children to school. In the late 1980s, life in remote rural areas was very poor. At that time, even steamed buns could only be eaten during the Chinese New Year. In daily cooking, not to mention meat, even less oil was used. Cabbage and potatoes were basically served in rotation throughout the winter. It wasn\’t until I went to the county high school when I was sixteen that I learned how to brush my teeth. In the countryside, there was only a pitiful harvest in the fields, and the father did some odd jobs. He had to maintain his daily livelihood and provide education for his two children. You can imagine how difficult life was. On Mother\’s Day, spend money on food and clothing, save every penny from your teeth, and save money to study for us. In order to earn more money, in addition to farming, my mother also embroidered and raised sheep. The family had three sheep to feed, and it was not worth the time to go to the mountains to herd them, so my mother went to the mountains to cut grass and leaves and carry them back. At two or three o\’clock in the summer, when the sun is shining brightly, my mother comes back carrying a large load of sheep food, her face flushed, her clothes wet with sweat, and sometimes she is accidentally stung by insects on the trees. After feeding sheep for a summer, I weighed one sheep and gained six pounds. \”It\’s worth 50 yuan. San Yang earned 150 yuan in one summer vacation.\” My mother told me happily. \”Mom, please stop feeding the sheep, you won\’t be tired enough.\” I saw my mother\’s hard work and felt very uncomfortable. \”You put it lightly.\”The mother restrained her joy and said seriously, \”Other people go out to work and earn a lot of money, but I made you go to school and you can\’t get out. If you two go to school, there will be a lot of money to spend in the future.\” Poverty days are like a wet towel , no matter how hard I try, I can\’t squeeze out the bitter water inside. Some people have tried their best just to live. Only those who have experienced this sentence can understand the bitterness of it. If the thickness of love is measured only by dedication and sacrifice, then no one in the world can love me like my mother, not even my father. In the years of material scarcity, my mother kept suppressing her desires in order to make our lives better. He saved the delicious food for us to eat, but he was always reluctant to buy new clothes. In order to earn more money, he went to work at the construction site to do manual labor… If my honest and stubborn father had the same ideas as my mother, my mother would probably complain a lot less. , all her efforts and sacrifices will be more heart-warming, instead of becoming a heavy psychological burden on us in their quarrels again and again. My father didn\’t care about clothes and worked very hard. He was an honest man and didn\’t earn much money. He is also very frugal, but not as frugal as my mother. He will not be so hard on himself for us. He will go to the market to buy some meat from time to time to improve his food. My mother shopped around when shopping, but my father didn\’t care about the price that much and wouldn\’t bargain when buying something. This became the reason for his mother to accuse him of being \”ignorant and spending money indiscriminately\”. Neither of them could convince the other, and they kept arguing until they separated in bed when they were older, but the gap in their concepts was still not bridged. There is a famous \”Parents Are Harmful\” group on Douban, which lists all the ways parents hurt their children, such as corporal punishment, verbal insults, indifference, etc. Those injuries are obvious and relatively easy to detect. And parents often reveal the unsatisfactory life in front of their children through quarrels. They blame each other and try to change each other, but they make the children mistakenly think that they are the source of family unhappiness, thus burdening them with a heavy sense of guilt and Guilt. At the same time, because parents love their children and have sacrificed a lot for them, this kind of hidden harm wrapped in love and taking moral advantage is harder to detect and face. Raising children is a journey of self-redemption. As I grew up with my children, I gradually realized the negative impact that my family of origin had on me. I am pessimistic and always worried about the unknown of tomorrow. I have low self-esteem. Even if I am very eager in my heart, I am unwilling to show myself in front of others. I have no independent opinion and am good at pleasing others. Even if I am unwilling in my heart, it is difficult to say no to others. On the surface, I appear to be outgoing. Lively, but extremely insecure inside, making it difficult to establish good intimate relationships with others. I finally realized that the reason why I couldn’t wait to leave the province when I graduated from high school and chose to go to college thousands of miles away without any hesitation was that I subconsciously wanted to escape from this home. It was just that it was difficult to face the betrayal of running away from his parents, so his hatred was transferred to the unrelated Shanxi Province. After all, it\’s easy to admit that you don\’t like a certain province, but it\’s difficult to admit that your parents have worked hard to raise you and have had a negative impact on you, even if they are unintentional. If there are only two generations in life, then one person hasThe reasons for all mistakes can be found in the family of origin. But the advantage of being an adult is that you can learn to cut off the fetters and shackles of your original family, break the spell of your original family, and create a better growth environment for your children. \”You are so old, but you still don\’t know anything about good things, and you don\’t know how to do anything.\” \”Mom, my divorce makes you very uncomfortable, I\’m sorry.\” \”You are so stubborn. If you don\’t get married, I don\’t understand. There is no way. You will suffer the consequences when you are old. I can’t watch it anyway.” “Mom, I know you are worried that no one will take care of me in the future. I am working hard.” It is said in the American TV series “Casual”, “We spend a lifetime , waiting for our parents to apologize to us; they spend a lifetime waiting for us to say thank you, but we don\’t get what we want.\” Without true respect and understanding from one life to another, it will always be difficult to reach reconciliation between parents and children. Dear mother, thank you. What you gave me was not the best in the world, but it was the best you gave me under the torrent of fate. The self-confidence and independence that I lacked in the early stages of my life have been regained little by little. Please also forgive me, I will not enter into marriage again for the eyes of others. This is my only one life, and I will personally define every day and every year in the future. The awakened will to life can no longer tolerate the control and restraint of others, even if it is called love. Without respect and understanding of individual life, love in the name of your own good and standing on the moral high ground is just another disguised form of destruction and harm. Goodbye, love that stands on the moral high ground! I have the final say in my life!