The child insists on wearing sandals in a low temperature of 5 degrees. This mother’s approach is admirable

If your child insists on wearing sandals when the temperature is 5 degrees Celsius, and wears a down jacket with a bunny ears hat in the dog days of summer, would you agree? I\’m afraid the vast majority of mothers would disagree. What did mothers who disagreed miss? Today, I want to talk about something that happened when Edamame was just three years old. In Beijing in mid-March, although the grass has sprouted and the spring flowers have bloomed, it is still very cold in the morning and evening, and those who work the morning shift are still wrapped in winter cotton-padded clothes. Maodou was very excited when he got up in the morning – today the teacher will take them to the community to \”find spring\”. When putting on his coat, Maodou\’s eyes suddenly lit up: \”Mom, I want to wear those shiny shoes today!\” \”Actually, I knew immediately which pair he was talking about, but I still hesitated: \”Huh? Which pair?\” \”That\’s the pair!\” Maodou ran to the shoe cabinet and took out a pair with exposed toes and uppers. It is a pair of shoes with a car mesh pattern. These are a pair of summer sandals. There is a small light installed on the sole, which lights up when you step on it. He especially likes it. \”I want to wear this \”looking for spring\”!\” As he said, he had already put it on. I looked at his feet stuffed into his shoes, and I could imagine him putting on his shoes and making a fuss in front of the whole class. \”Modou, these shoes are too thin, your feet will be cold…\” I squatted down and touched his feet. While discussing with him, I secretly regretted it: I told a story last night, and the little prince in the story had the same style of stepping on a car. The shoes were popular in Kyushu, arousing his desire to wear them. If I had known this, why didn’t I change the subject to another one? Isn’t this just looking for trouble for yourself? Maodou: \”It\’s not cold, don\’t you think it\’s cold?\” Me: \”You\’re not cold because there\’s a heater in the room.\” \”I\’m not cold! I\’m going to wear it!\” Maodou\’s mouth was already pouting. Me: \”Modou, you are really cold. You should catch a cold by then!\” Maodou: \”I\’m not cold, mom is cold, and Maodou is not cold!\” Well, this is a live performance of \”There is a kind of cold that your mother feels Are you cold?” Maodou became impatient, sitting on the small chair and complaining about various uncooperative behaviors. I\’m about to be late for kindergarten. I looked at the edamame and said nothing more. In fact, from the time he started wearing these shoes, I didn\’t feel any anger or impatience from my words to my expressions to my actions, because I understood his Terrible 2. From about the age of 2 and a half, similar things happened frequently, and Edamame wanted to make more and more decisions on his own. After following his wishes and allowing him to have full and direct experience, things tend to go more smoothly. If we don\’t follow his wishes and go against him, the result will often be that he can\’t do what we want, and he will get emotional and delay things. I completed the risk assessment and cost weighing in an instant. It only takes 15 minutes to get to the kindergarten from home, so it won\’t really freeze. I secretly made a plan in my mind: respect his choice first, and at the same time quietly put the cotton shoes in my bag, ready to act according to the situation. Seeing that I no longer stopped him, Maodou jumped downstairs excitedly. After I left the house, I deliberately didn\’t talk too much. There is plenty of time, and I hope to give him time to experience fully, quietly, and alone. It\’s very cold and overcast today. In fact, I am also a little worried that he will catch a cold. If that happens, I will definitely be complained by my family., such as \”If children are not sensible, so are adults?\” Alas! What would he do if his dad were at home today? You don’t need to think about it. Dou Dad, who is very principled in his work, must be “persuasive and educated first, and if it doesn’t work, he will be tough.” First of all, he will definitely think that feet must not be frozen, so he will definitely try his best to persuade Maodou, and Maodou will definitely be irritable and yell, because children do not have much life experience about what wearing single shoes means. , he only knew one thing in his little heart: put on the shoes, and you can be like the idol in the book! In order to achieve this goal, I stubbornly and powerlessly quarreled with my father. When my mood was very bad, my father would see that it was time to leave, and he would be tough and ask him to wear cotton shoes. When Maodou sees his father \”glaring at him\”, he will definitely give in, but he will cry a lot and feel aggrieved. His mood will not recover for a long time. He won\’t be able to eat breakfast when he gets to kindergarten, and he might not be happy in class… Although in the end Maodou wears cotton shoes to school, but firstly: the time is wasted because of being upset; secondly: the child has strong negative emotions, and the adults feel uncomfortable; thirdly: the child loses an opportunity to enrich his own experience; thirdly: the child loses an opportunity to enrich his own experience; thirdly: Four: Children do not obey because they have experience and understand the truth, but obey because they are afraid. Over time, they develop a cowardly character. The above is Maodou Dad. As for the grandparents, they will definitely immediately think of using material inducements in exchange. The elderly are most afraid of children crying. As long as the children don\’t cry, any condition can be met. \”Grandma will give you sweets to eat. Can you put on cotton-padded shoes?\” \”If you change to cotton-padded shoes, grandpa will buy you snacks after kindergarten.\” After Maodou hears this, it is very likely that the clouds will turn sunny and change. Put on cotton shoes. This method achieves the adult\’s goal, and the child is also very happy. On the surface, it seems like a good idea. But if you think about it carefully, is this good? First, it confuses the child\’s thinking: If the request is reasonable, why not let me do it? If the request is unreasonable, why \”reward\” me with delicious and fun things? Second, children do not obey because they understand the truth, but because they are tempted. Over time, two results will occur. One is that the child may be very willful and often uses crying to achieve his goals; the other is that the child is very independent, easily tempted, and highly dependent. Third, the method of diverting attention is not completely unusable, but it is only effective for young babies. Children over 3 years old have stronger opinions and are not easily swayed by adults\’ ideas. If the conditions offered are not what the child particularly desires, there is no chance. So like grandparents, who always think about how to deal with it, just let it go and stop making trouble. In fact, they separate life and education, and do not realize that educating children is in every little thing. I was thinking about it in my mind while watching the changes in edamame. He was obviously starting to slump. He was still bouncing when he went downstairs. Seven or eight minutes later, his face turned a little pale and his legs started to tremble a little. There are holes in the shoes for ventilation, so the cold starts from the feet. Even so, I never asked him if he was cold, I just walked with him. While walking, Maodou suddenly said: \”Mom, hold me…\” I haven\’t been able to hold him in kindergarten for a long time. I was secretly happy that a turn of events had come. I picked him up obediently, pulled down his clothes, and specially warmed his calves. He leaned on my shoulder and said, \”Mom, in a moment I arrived at the kindergarten. You go home and get me those cotton shoes. I want to wear those shoes again. \”Now, I\’m the one who\’s super excited! I suppressed my laughter and said, \”How about mom help you conjure it up now. \”Ah, how did it change?\” I said, \”Close your eyes. If I don\’t let you, don\’t open your eyes!\” \”Then he put him on the ground, supported him and took off his shoes. Oops, his feet were already cold, so he quickly put on his cotton shoes: \”Open your eyes! As soon as Maodou saw that I had changed my shoes, she saw through me and said, \”I already knew it was you who secretly changed my shoes for me!\” \”I smiled and pulled him to jog for a while to stretch his frozen feet. When we arrived at the kindergarten, we couldn\’t stop laughing, and Mao Dou was happily led in by the teacher. I didn\’t preach or coax, and faced Mao Dou\’s unreasonable troubles. , I didn’t seem to have done anything, and it even seemed like I had compromised at the beginning, but Edamame gained a lot in the process: First, because of my respect, there was no coercion, ridicule, sarcasm, or sarcasm from beginning to end, and Edamame gained an experience. Will it be cold to wear single shoes? Other people’s words are other people’s experiences. Maodou needs his own experience, and only after his own experience can he realize self-education and change. Second, such an experience strengthens the child’s opinion of his mother. Be convinced, rather than just because that is what the mother said, the next time a child encounters a similar thing, it will be easier for the child to adopt the opinion of the mother or other people. Many times, the child does not deliberately go against adults, but just because His own experience is insufficient, and because of the emergence of self-awareness, he wants to experience and feel everything personally. This is exactly the manifestation of the child\’s continuous growth. Be happy for every little stubbornness of the child, because behind it may be another Great progress! Next time you encounter something like this, do you know what to do? Just let your children experience it on their own!