Children are difficult to manage, and too many rules will restrict their nature. Should they be lenient or strict?

A few days ago, a high school classmate came to New York for a business trip and went to dinner with her on the weekend. A classmate’s son is about the same age as Su Bao. She told me that the older the child is, the more difficult it is to manage him. He is disobedient and loses his temper when he disagrees. I feel like this is not going to work. I want to set rules for my child, but I am worried that if I deny my child too often, he will become timid and hesitate to move forward. I thought it would be fine after the terrible twos, but I didn\’t expect the terrible threes to follow… I believe many readers have the same question. Should we be lenient or strict with our children, and where is the balance between lenient and strict? I talked a lot with my friends that day, about love and restraint, rules and freedom – 1. The balance point between leniency and strictness. Usually children already have a basic concept of rules after one year old. It is definitely necessary to set rules. As for When should we be lenient and when should we be strict? First we need to understand why we should establish rules: is it for ourselves or for our children? For example: It is forbidden for one-year-old babies to eat with their hands, because it will make it dirty and difficult to clean. This is for the convenience of adults. Limiting how many sweets children eat every day is for the sake of their health. Children are not allowed to speak loudly at home, mainly to keep adults\’ ears clear. The purpose of not allowing children to shout loudly in theaters and cinemas is to cultivate children\’s personal upbringing in public places. Children are not allowed to take out Lego to play, because it will be difficult to clean up if it is spilled on the floor. This is for adults. Asking children to clean up after playing with Lego is to cultivate good habits in children. Life after having children is inherently inconvenient and unclean, and the home will indeed be chaotic for a few years. When setting rules, if it is just for the convenience of your own life, then be more relaxed. If it is for the development of your child\’s character and long-term health and happiness, then be more strict. In this way, children live in controlled freedom, and there is a balance between restraint and freedom. A friend told me that sometimes children don’t want to listen to the rules and like to go against them. There was a lack of communication between the husband and the children. When he was angry, he would often pick up the children and throw them away. In the end, the children would cry, the adults would be angry, and the whole family would be in a bad mood. If you worry about your child becoming a coward if you take too much care, is there any good solution? 2. How to discipline your children without restraining them. After Su Baohui left, he began to be curious about everything in the house, such as pulling the wires of desk lamps, pulling off photo frames from bookshelves and chewing them, grabbing soil from flower pots to eat… I followed The back of her butt kept saying No No No… The turning point was when Su Bao was over one year old and took her to Preschool Prep (a parent-child experience class in kindergartens here in the United States). The teacher\’s method was very good: a little boy in the class always wanted to When he went to pull off the leaves of the classroom potted plant, the teacher told him: The plant says “ouch!” Pinching can hurt her leaves. You can gently pat her leaves, like this. Or, you can take care of her by watering her, like this. This plant is saying \”It hurts!\” and pulling her will damage her leaves. You can touch the leaves gently like this. You can also take care of it by watering the potted plant with a small kettle. Instead of correcting \”wrong\” behavior, it is better to show the child how to behave \”correctly\”. The teacher cleverly changed NO into YES, and the little boy happily accepted it. After understanding this technique, when it was time to go home after playing in the park, Su Bao suddenly ran towards the sandbox. I would not say: No sand box. Instead, I would say: We can play in the sand box after your nap. When I go home and take a nap, I will play in the sand again. Just a few days ago, I was feeding my sister, and Su Bao was eating raspberries alone downstairs. When I went downstairs, I saw her pinching almost all the raspberries. The broken pieces were smeared on the table, and there was juice on her sleeves and the floor. If she was one year old, I would not interfere, but at the age of three, she should be able to separate food and play, so I said to her: Can you tell me why you smashed them? Can you tell me why you smashed them? Have these been crushed? Su Bao said: Because I wanted to make art. Su Bao likes sensory games very much. Raspberries feel special when pinched. The red raspberry juice may have inspired her desire to create. So I said: Look, raspberries are for eating, not for smashing. But we can make art with some red foam paint, and you can squeeze the paint. Raspberries are for eating, not for smashing. But we can paint with some red foam paint, which you can pinch. After finding out the real reason behind Su Bao\’s \”bad things\” and being given an alternative, Su Bao readily accepted it. Children spend their entire childhood exploring boundaries, and their exploration behaviors are often very random. Only through constant \”mistakes\” do they have the opportunity to know what to do and what not to do. Making mistakes is a very natural learning process. If adults just say no, no, no, it will limit children\’s curiosity and desire for knowledge. To sum up, rules should be established appropriately, but don’t always tell your children that this is not okay and that is not okay, but tell them what is okay. In the wisdom of thinking from another angle, rules and freedom can actually coexist.