My child was bullied by his classmates, how did I teach him to \”fight back\”?

A few days ago, when chatting with a friend, she mentioned that her son, who is in the first grade, is always missing a ruler today and a pencil tomorrow. I asked him and he said he lost it. Although my friend wondered why the child kept losing things, he didn\’t say anything. Until one time, she found that the cover of her child\’s exercise book had been torn off. After her repeated questioning, the child said that it was his deskmate who tore it up. There are some problems here. Connecting the previous incident of throwing things, I chatted with the child and found that my deskmate seemed to be bullying the child. Although it\’s not the obvious kind of bullying, let alone bullying, it\’s always unpleasant to sit with my classmates at the same table every day and suffer some losses overtly or covertly. The child was also aggrieved and depressed. My child has a relatively gentle personality. My friend is worried that he will be bullied and asked me what I can do. I remember something that happened two years ago. One day, Chengzi came back from school, obviously unhappy, which was rare. We asked him what happened. Chengzi said that there were a few classmates in the class who always made fun of him. One held his arm, the other pulled his leg, pulling and tugging on him, playing and joking around. Chengzi didn\’t like being teased like this and started crying while talking. Hearing what Chengzi said, I roughly guessed that this matter seemed to be a joke between classmates, but it already had a hint of bullying, so Chengzi had a bad feeling. Dad Chengzi and I gave him an idea: stay away from them during class and find other students to play with. Chengzi said that they came to me as soon as get out of class was over and insisted on chasing me to play. You can tell the teacher. I told them to sue the teacher, but they didn\’t listen. Besides, teachers can\’t take care of every class. Emmm, next time they make trouble with you, tell them loudly and seriously: I don’t like playing like this! Don\’t make such a fuss anymore! Chengzi pursed his lips: I said it, but they didn’t listen at all. It seems that Chengzi has already made efforts on his own, and he only told us when he had no other choice. So what to do? Orange\’s dad thought for a while and said: Come on, son, daddy will teach you a few tricks. Next time they make trouble with you, you can fight back against them. Orange hesitated. He has never had a fight since he was a child. I said, let\’s simulate the scene at that time and pretend that your father is the classmate who made trouble for you. You can restore what he did and how you did it. Following Cheng Zi\’s instructions, Dad hugged Cheng Zi from behind. Chengzi kicked around, struggling and shouting: Let me go! Stop making trouble! After this performance, Dad Chengzi and I understood where the problem lay. Orange did resist, and he did stop him. However, his resistance looked like a kicking kitten, and his shouts did not sound like warning or stopping, but rather a bit of laughter. No wonder his classmates like to chase him, because Chengzi doesn\’t seem too disgusted. On the contrary, his struggling and shouting will make his classmates find it more interesting, like teasing a kitten. (Of course, Chengzi may have regarded this pretending as a game, so he was a bit joking and joking, but it somewhat reflected the actual situation.) Chengzi is a child with a relatively gentle temperament. The advantage of such a character is that he is kind to others and will not actively attack others, but the disadvantage is that when he is attacked, he didn’t know how to resist effectively. When others think there is nothing wrong with him, he is actually very uncomfortable inside. Dad Chengzi said, next time your classmate hugs you like this, you will step on his feet. Come, let\’s practice again. After practicing, I discovered the problem again. Chengzi was hugged by his father, and he stepped on his father. When we usually play with us, Chengzi’s little fists are quite powerful, but if we really want him to use them, he doesn’t dare to use his strength. Work harder! Try harder! Cheng Zi gave his father a hard kick. Well, almost. Dad will teach you another trick. When they hug you, you push them hard with your elbow. After practicing several times, my strength finally passed. (Speaking of which, Cheng Zi’s weak sense of attack is not only related to his natural character, but also related to the fact that we were relatively strong towards him in the past. Strength is also a kind of attack. In the face of \”attack\”, he is used to shrinking and does not know how to resist. Although Now we have changed, but the impact on children is not so easy to eliminate…) I taught Chengzi how to stop them seriously. We practiced several times to let him know what expression and tone of voice were more intimidating. I told him: When you feel uncomfortable, you must tell them loudly and seriously. Be polite first and then fight back. If they don\’t listen, then fight back. A few days later, Chengzi came back and said that several classmates were playing around him again. He punched the leading classmate, which must have been quite strong. When Chengzi saw the other classmate, he almost burst into tears. He didn\’t expect Chengzi to fight back, so he was stunned for a moment, then ran away with a few people shouting. After that, those students never chased Chengzi like this again. This is where the story ends. The friends could play happily again. Later, Chengzi became good friends with the classmate who led them. Telling this story, what I want to say is that when encountering similar situations, or more difficult problems, role-playing games are a good solution. Many times, a child\’s ability to express is limited, and what he expresses may be different from the actual situation. At this time, playing pretend games with children and letting them play or direct the roles can restore more of the situation at that time and help us understand what the facts are. Just like we asked Orange to imitate his classmates. If we only listened to Chengzi\’s words, we would think that Chengzi was being bullied, but during the play, we discovered that Chengzi\’s reaction also caused him to be treated in this way, and we knew how to help him in a targeted way. Some parents will play teacher-student games with their children, letting the children be the teachers and the parents the students. Through how children become teachers, we can roughly understand the situation of children in kindergarten and school, and how teachers treat children. Another benefit of role-playing is that many times, although we tell the child what to do, he only has a rough idea of ​​what to do, and he is still confused about what to do specifically. If we just tell Orange: If you want to fight back, if he hugs you, you can step on his feet. It seems we taught him how to do it. In fact, after a simulation, I discovered that there is a big difference between what Cheng Zi understands as stepping on the feet and what we call stepping on the feet. Through repeated acting exercises, he can understand exactly how to do it and how much intensity is appropriate. This kind of acting is also a preview. The children know what is going on.What kind of reaction should be made in what situation. To make it more complicated, you can even practice different responses to different situations. Through practice again and again, children will become familiar with possible situations and how to respond. With a firm mind, they can deal with them more calmly. Therefore, in response to my friend’s question at the beginning of the article, I suggested that she go home and play role-playing games with her child to see what kind of situation the child encountered and how he responded. After you have an idea, discuss with your child an appropriate response method, simulate such a scenario, and practice a few more times to see how it works. In fact, it is very common for children to fight and play tricks among themselves, especially boys. Most of the time they are just being naughty and not bullying in the true sense. However, when they find that the other party is always weak and withdrawn, and behaves easily to bully, the bullying in human nature will be gradually stimulated, and it will become more serious, and slowly it may become real bullying. Therefore, we need to teach our children to keep their boundaries from the beginning, learn to say no loudly, learn to fight back appropriately, or respond more intelligently. So, how to tell if it’s bullying or just plain fighting? It mainly depends on how the child feels. If he doesn\’t feel anything wrong and is happily laughing and joking, there\’s no need for too much intervention. If the child is already troubled by this, feels depressed and unhappy, and is unable to solve it on his own, he needs help from adults. At this time, the attitude of parents is particularly critical. Being able to stand with their children and actively find ways to solve problems will give them psychological support and comfort. Having inner strength and support will also make children braver. Ps. In fact, this method can be used not only when children are bullied, but also many problems can be solved using role-playing games. Children relax in games and feel more deeply. Compared with parents who strictly reason and issue orders, leaving children confused and confused, this method is more effective and can better cultivate children\’s initiative to be responsible for themselves.