Good parents are a little cruel

Why do so many people say that today’s children don’t know how to care about others, but only know how to take care of others? A friend said that he was sick once and asked his son to help him get a glass of water. The son actually said that he had to pay 5 yuan before pouring it. At that time, he felt angry and funny. Why is he so good to his son, but his son doesn\’t know how to care about him? My friend has an only son, and all good things belong to him. His grandparents regarded him as a treasure. He wanted an electric balance scooter, and his father immediately bought the most expensive one. It is said that safety and quality must come first. Of course the child likes it very much and goes to the community to practice every night. And grandpa did the work of sparring. Grandpa pushed it when he went out and handed it to the child when he arrived at the location. When I came back, grandpa was pushing me. So sometimes on weekends, the old man takes his grandson to buy groceries. The old man has his hands full, but the eight or nine-year-old child has never even mentioned chopped green onion, tofu, and vegetables. So when friends say why children don’t know how to care about people. You really can\’t blame the kids. Because adults help children develop this habit. He has become accustomed to enjoying the pleasure brought by this kind of service, and has no chance to feel the joy of helping others. The little child looks so cute, it’s really heartbreaking! How can adults bear to let them carry things? But what about the future? Wait until he grows up to be a father or a mother. The burdens of life will still come to you. When the time comes, who will take responsibility for them? Whatever the child can do, he must do it by himself. This need of the child should be respected from infancy. We will see that a very young baby wants to grasp something by himself because he has become interested. Children as young as one or two years old will want to grab something to eat by themselves. But many parents are afraid that their children will mess up the dining table, so they prevent their children from doing it. This often makes children angry. The adults choose to take the child away, or let him play something to divert his attention. In fact, compared with a child\’s self-confidence and independence, a little mess is really nothing. I once saw a case. There was a mother who always dressed her son neatly and did not allow the child to dirty his clothes. Dress and groom him every day. However, the child does not know how to distinguish the front and back of the pants, and cannot button the buttons independently. When her son was going to kindergarten, she realized that she had actually harmed the child. Because my son panics every day. For example, after taking a nap, students can dress independently and tie their shoelaces. But he could only sit on the bed and wait for the teacher to help. I can imagine that feeling of helplessness. The children are noisy and don\’t go to school. Because he can feel loved at home. Because my mother will praise herself and help her do everything right away. He can stop worrying and not feel frustrated. The only thing he has to do is listen to his mother so that he can please her. And mom looks like she enjoys taking care of herself. Moreover, our education is too concerned with children\’s academic performance and neglects the tempering of character. I remember one time at a relative’s house, a middle school kid offered to help wash the vegetables. As a result, her relatives refused and told her, \”You have an exam soon, so hurry up and do the questions. Don\’t worry about your family affairs.Just take care of your grades. \”Don\’t worry about things at home, just take care of yourself.\” This sentence is often heard. In fact, saying this can easily push children into the abyss of \”selfishness\”. Of course, there are many things at home that children should not worry about. For example, family Income does not require children to pay attention to it prematurely. However, children can do housework early and do it more. Because children learn to bear and contribute in the family, they can learn to care about their families. Not every child is born with it. To love. Especially boys, they lag behind in emotional expression and feelings. Parents need to teach their children to love others and express their love with practical actions. Sometimes I am cooking in the kitchen and my son is helping me choose vegetables. Sometimes. I would say to him, \”Dad, I really look forward to eating your cooking one day.\” \”I\’m still young!\” \”I think it should be fine when you are in elementary school.\” \”But I can\’t!\” \”Come on, daddy will teach you.\” \”Tell him how to cook, how much rice can be cooked in a cup of rice. Then how much water should be poured. Choosing vegetables and washing vegetables are also tasks he is capable of. During the labor, I told him to learn the names of vegetables and their Features. And the children also enjoy this feeling very much. When we were having dinner, I said to my wife, \”The rice you eat today was not cooked by me.\” \”Then the little guy will get encouragement from his mother, and he will look happy. In fact, few parents will deliberately not exercise their children\’s independence. But in reality, due to various worries and anxieties, they deprive their children of the things they can do on their own. Opportunities. Parents must consciously give their children the opportunity to \”do it\”. Let go of their superior authority, overcome their inner desire to control, and create some such conditions. Mothers can show weakness in daily life, but don\’t be too strong. You can follow My son is acting coquettishly! Encourage the little guy to do something he can do. Don\’t let the child do it if you think he can\’t do it well. Because the result is that the child will never be able to do it. And he is used to such imbecility and relies on Parents. When we watch our children grow up, we are sometimes surprised. Because their growth seems very slow, but the changes happen in an instant. The little guy who was following you closely yesterday will suddenly slip away. Go somewhere you can’t see. Sometimes when I pick my son up, I’ll buy some groceries outside the community. When I put the bike away and walk into the store, he’ll run around in the square at the gate. I I can feel that he has changed. But I understand this change in growth. I just observe it silently and do not say no to him. Because this is him testing a new safe distance. Children will always look for their own safe space and often express Regarding the distance between themselves and their parents. For example, when they are a few months old, a child will feel uneasy once he cannot see the person taking care of him. Then he will cry loudly. Slowly, they will move away from us. You are in the living room, he They will play in their own rooms. Especially when they have friends, parents seem to be no longer important. And by the age of five or six, children begin to adapt to campus life. They begin to distance themselves from their parents again. I can imagine , in a year or two, when he enters primary school, the distance from me will become farther and farther. When he was young, he read Long Yingtai’s \”Watching Farewell\”\”This passage,\” I slowly and slowly understood that the so-called relationship between father, daughter and mother only means that your fate with him is that you will continue to watch his back fade away in this life. You stand At this end of the path, watch him gradually disappear at the corner of the path, and his back silently tells you: There is no need to chase.\” I still feel happy in my heart, because I am the one who left in front. Now that I have a child, my inner feelings are a bit complicated. I am happy that my child has grown up, how wonderful it is! What makes me sad is that the child slowly left me. Of course, children never belong to us, they are independent individuals. But there will still be an indelible mark on our lives. Growth is an independent process for children, and it may not all be sweet honey. But for parents, it brings even more bitterness. Because while we love deeply, we also need to learn to be cruel.