The first time I was \”strong\” with my children, I gained a lot to think about.

Friends who are familiar with me know that I have always been a mother of gentle parenting. Whether it is the baby\’s sleeping habits or character development, I believe that gentle guidance is the best way. Today I want to talk about two things that are not so gentle, but they have expanded my understanding of parenting. The first thing was last week. Dad Su was on a business trip for two days, and I was home alone with Su Bao and Guozi. After a busy day, I was already very tired by dinner time – I had to feed Guozi a meal before dinner, then give the two babies a bath, then make dinner, and finally clean up and so on. After the meal was ready, Su Bao asked me if he could eat on the bear plate. I said no problem and put the food on the bear plate. We had just sat down and were about to start eating when Su Bao suddenly said on a whim, \”Mom, I don\’t want this dinner plate anymore, I want a little rabbit bowl.\” I asked her why and she said the bunny bowl was good. I noticed that the bunny bowl was still in the dishwasher, unwashed. Su Bao said, Mom, can you clean it for me to use now? I felt that this was not a very urgent need, so I expressed my emotions – I\’m sorry, my mother is very tired after a long day of work, and I plan to eat first. If the bunny bowl is so important, I can change it for you after eating. Su Bao thought for a while and said, I\’m hungry too. I want to eat first and then use the bunny bowl tomorrow. There are too many articles asking parents to teach their children to express emotions and respect their children\’s emotions, but they ignore that respect is mutual. When we blindly satisfy our children, we have actually deviated from the premise of respect – equality. Many times we put the needs of our children first and forget that we also have needs. If we never express our feelings and needs to our children, how can our children learn to respect the feelings of others? The second thing happened to be related to eating. Su Bao often cooks with me at home, and I will allow her to participate in daring tasks such as stirring the pot of porridge, basting raw meat with olive oil, or chopping vegetables with a child\’s knife. This type of activity trains the senses and fine motor skills and is also recommended by teachers at Subao Montessori Kindergarten. △ Many mothers have asked me what kind of knife Su Bao uses because these tasks are dangerous. I will explain the rules very clearly to Su Bao before each task. For example, pots and stoves are very hot and cannot be touched with hands. Hot soup can only be stirred but not scooped out. You must wash your hands before and after touching raw meat, etc. She was already familiar with the rules. One day last week, Su Bao woke up from her nap and I asked her if she wanted to make seafood soup with me. She readily agreed. I was frying onions, and Su Bao was helping me cut carrots. Before the onions were fried, Su Bao started to throw carrots into the pan. I said we had to wait, but Su Bao giggled and thought it was throwing. In the carrot game, I stopped her twice before she stopped. When the soup was boiling and bubbling, Su Bao helped me stir it as usual. She had done this task many times and was very familiar with it. But she gradually changed from helping to joking, taking a spoon to scoop the boiling soup out of the pot. A few drops of soup almost splashed onto the back of her hand. I immediately turned off the fire and took her off the chair, and then we had the following conversation: I said: Mommy is angry. Su Baoyi pouted and said: Why? I said: For tworeasons. First of all the soup is extremely hot. You almost got hurt, badly. Secondly, we talked about the rules, but you were not following them, instead you were fooling around. Today you can\’t cook with me anymore. Mom Angry. There are two reasons. First of all, this pot of soup is very hot and you almost got burned. Secondly, we explained the safety rules clearly. Instead of complying, you are causing trouble. You can\’t help here today. Su Bao continued to ask: But Why? I said seriously: What you did was dangerous. If the hot soup got on your hands, it can hurt for days. And more importantly, this is MY kitchen. In my kitchen I\’m the BOSS. If you are not going to follow my instructions in my kitchen, You have to leave. It is dangerous to ladle soup like that. If the hot soup drips onto your hand, it may hurt for several days. More importantly, it\’s my kitchen, and in my kitchen I have the final say. If you can\’t follow my rules, you gotta get out. Yes, I rarely talk to Su Bao in such a serious way, but these two \”incidents\” I regard as a very precious opportunity to express to Su Bao two concepts that I have always wanted my children to understand: respect & boundry( respect and boundaries). Afterwards, I chatted with Su Bao again: Su Bao has his own space (activity room) at home. In this space, you can choose your own picture books and toys. You can do handicrafts, paint, or just hang out in your tent. But when preparing dinner, the kitchen is mom\’s space, and if you want to come into my space, you must abide by my rules. In everyone\’s world, there is not only \”I\”, but also \”you\” and \”he\”. Some people may say that the children are still young and they still have your space and my space. Do they need to be so outspoken? You will understand the boundaries when you grow up. But will children who have no concept of boundaries since childhood become adults with awareness of boundaries? The pain of many Chinese-style families lies in the lack of a sense of boundaries – your business is my business, and my business should be his business. This kind of logic is everywhere, which is why there is a strange phenomenon that when the Chinese New Year comes, seven aunts and eight aunts start to urge marriages and births. Although these two things are not gentle, they make me think about: Even children as young as three years old should learn to respect other people\’s boundaries and feelings. All freedom has certain prerequisites. Unconditional freedom will only breed out-of-control children. Don\’t let it be when our children grow up and we blame them for disrespecting adults that we realize that we have never asked our children to respect us.