Children without \”attack power\” also have no vitality

Two days ago, I went to the hospital for acupuncture, and after that I randomly found a restaurant for lunch. Not far from the seats, a group of mothers were having a dinner with their children, laughing and laughing. The two or three-year-old children had already finished eating and were gathering around, chirping and playing. Suddenly, the two little boys turned red and started to grab a car like they were in a tug-of-war. At the critical moment, one of them launched a surprise attack and bit the opponent\’s hand fiercely. In an instant, the outcome was decided. The boy who was bitten cried loudly. Mothers heard the news and hurriedly pulled their children away. The biting child was naturally punished severely by his mother. I still remember the angry roar: \”Who taught you to hit people? It\’s too bad. When you grow up, you shouldn\’t kill people and set fires!\” This feeling is so profound. familiar. When a child hits someone, it seems like he has committed a big bad thing, so we must be careful to prevent it from happening and nip it in the bud. However, after being brutally beaten by his mother, the child also became angry. He suddenly raised his little hand and hit his mother all over the head and face. From a distance, I could feel the raging anger rising behind my mother, as well as the embarrassment and shame of being witnessed by other mothers. The mother was completely irritated, raised her big hand, and spanked the child hard: \”How dare you spank?\” Who dared you to hit me?\” The child\’s heart-piercing cry suddenly filled the entire restaurant. The fear and grievance in the cry stimulated my nerves, making me want to rush up and stop her and say: Mom, you have misunderstood the child! Ning Ning is a child with a mild temper, but since she turned two years old, her brutal and domineering behavior has increased sharply without any surprise. She and I were playing in the sand downstairs, and we were having a blast. At this time, a little boy of similar age was brought over by his grandma. He gradually came closer and closer. I suddenly had an unknown premonition. Sure enough, the moment the little boy stepped into the sand pool, Ning Ning took the initiative and hit the boy with a bang. The little boy cried immediately, but Ning Ning showed no guilt on his face, instead he was angry and confident. I seemed to see a little lioness. The sand pool was her territory. She was ready to fight. She would be blocked by soldiers and covered by water and soil, and she vowed to protect it without giving up an inch. It\’s like this outside, and it\’s even worse at home. She has a strong possessive desire for her own things and even the space around her. If anything offends her, Little Slap will immediately follow her. If you don\’t hit it once, you have to find an opportunity to hit it a second time. One time, Pai\’s dad was playing with little Lisa in his arms. Ning Ning walked over and pulled him and said, \”Dad, take Ning Ning out to play.\” Pai\’s dad quickly responded: \”Okay, but what about my sister?\” Ning Ning Ning didn\’t hesitate and said directly: \”Take my sister away.\” \”Where to take her?\” Pai\’s father was a little curious and asked quickly. Then, without blushing or heart beating, Ning Ning said calmly and calmly: \”Take it to the trash can.\” Second sister, you are too straightforward! That unquestionable look on her face made me think that if she was strong enough, she would just pick up Lisa and throw her into the trash can! Every time Ning Ning hits someone, I can feel a rush of blood rushing to my forehead and a sting.My whole body became tense. But thanks to my reason, I was able to hold me down at the critical moment. Another voice sounded in my heart: The child will eventually get through this period. Two years old is truly a magical time for a child. Earth-shaking changes are taking place in this small body. Because, at this time, he began to learn to control himself. He slowly internalized the daily rules and upbringing of his parents and began his socialization process. Gradually, he himself began to dislike certain behaviors. However, this means that he must concentrate all his strength to fight against himself. What a difficult learning this is throughout life! Aggression appears when the reins cannot restrain the rampaging wild horse of physiological satisfaction. He was still unable to express his strong desires with words, so he could only express them with actions. Rather than saying that they are \”domineering\” or \”stubborn\”, it is better to say that they just don\’t know how to say \”no\” to themselves. After all, they are just little guys with weak self-control. Of course, if parents take tough enough measures, a two-year-old child can quickly learn to curb his aggression. However, the price he pays to achieve this control may be something that parents are not willing to see. I still remember that child psychologist Thelma said in \”The Magic Years\” that this kind of aggression can be transferred: a little girl who was often spanked for attacking her little brother soon became a A model child without any aggression, but she developed severe sleep disturbances, and she was afraid of many things and had to cling to her mother all day long. As for another little girl, her parents taught her to replace her hostile behavior towards her sister with loving behavior. As a result, she developed a habit of displaying exaggerated displays of affection for anyone she disliked, and she also resorted to bedwetting to release pent-up rage. Moreover, this is equivalent to giving the child a wrong example. The only thing the child can imitate is the parent\’s wrong way of solving problems. Therefore, whenever Ning Ning hits someone, the first thing I do is – steady myself, don\’t fight violence with violence, there must be a way ~ On this day, because of a big yellow duck, the \”domineering\” Ning Ning once again online. She walked straight to Lisa and slapped her. Lisa fell to the ground without the ability to fight back. Then, she easily snatched away the big yellow duck Lisa was playing with and walked away in a swagger. The whole process was so smooth and smooth that I was stunned. Although parents should be less involved in conflicts between sisters, the balance of power was so disparate that I decided to take action. I walked to Ning Ning, knelt down, and told her in a firm tone and clear attitude: It is wrong to hit people, and we are absolutely not allowed to hurt any children. I have been repeating this sentence over and over again for several months, but I haven’t seen much effect yet. But I believe that accumulation is slow but will be effective. As long as I persist, one day, I will see hesitation on her face. This time Ning Ning was silent after listening. I continued: What did you want to do when you walked to your sister just now? Can you tell your mother? Ning Ning whispered: \”Ning Ning wants to play with the big yellow duck.\” I quickly said, \”But Lisa is also playing. If Ning NingI want to play too, what do you think we can do? \”Ning Ning was silent for a while, as if thinking very seriously, and then she said in a low voice: \”Ning Ning can ask my sister if she can play with me. \”I couldn\’t help cheering in my heart, the goal was achieved! I quickly led Ning Ning to Lisa, and asked her to repeat what she had just said exactly, and apologized to Lisa and said I was sorry. Language is a magical thing. Once a child When he begins to learn to speak, he learns to use language to control his impulses. Encourage your child to express his feelings, and he will learn not to act aggressively so strongly. Of course, he may face rejection when he expresses his feelings and needs. . When Lisa is older and can say \”I don\’t want to play with you\”, then Ning Ning will have to think of more ways to deal with it. For example, immediately take a toy to discuss the exchange with Lisa, or negotiate with Lisa Two people take turns to play. Exchange and turn-taking are two essential social skills for two or three-year-old children. I know that this process is long and requires a lot of time and patience, and it needs to be repeated to the children, but with Children who learn self-control in this way will eventually learn true self-discipline in the future. Children who need love the most will often use the least cute ways to ask for love. The urgent desires of the child\’s heart will be disguised after some disguise. It has become an aggressive behavior that everyone calls for beating. At this time, parents need to have a stable heart to be able to see what is hidden under the anger and violence. On the way of children\’s growth, there will occasionally be a few waves, but there is no need to Panic, one day, he will flow into the sea and grow up.