Nothing is complete without rules. Here are some things you should do when setting rules for your children.

Learn to respect the \”personality\” of children. My distant aunt is a plain and gentle woman. However, the word \”gentle\” seems to be a compliment to her, because her too meek character makes her have no initiative at home. She is in a passive position no matter whether it is big or small matters. You have to ask your husband and son before you know what to eat for dinner; your mother-in-law accused her of buying a blanket worth a few hundred yuan, but she turned around and bought a scarf worth more than 5,000 yuan, and she swallowed her anger; her employer organized tours , she wanted to go, but considering the housework and her son\’s homework, she had to ask the leader to cancel her place… However, her compromise and tolerance did not win her husband\’s consideration. One time, my aunt and I were shopping together. She tried on two clothes and couldn\’t make up her mind, so she took a photo and sent it to her uncle for reference. After a while, a voice came over, with an impatient tone: \”Why do you have to ask me about such a trivial matter? Just buy whatever you like.\” My uncle is a bit of a chauvinist. He is usually very carefree, and he has always disliked my aunt. Indecisive character. Therefore, there are many conflicts between husband and wife, and the aunt\’s pain of not being understood can only be swallowed in her stomach. My mother and my aunt are cousins ​​and they grew up playing together. I asked my mother, has my aunt\’s personality been like this since she was a child? Mom said: \”That\’s not the case. Your aunt was very good when she was a child. It\’s just that her father was too irritable and always restricted her freedom. Over time, she became docile.\” When she was doing homework when she was a child, her father shouted loudly She wanted him to turn down the TV on the floor, but she got a rude scolding in return; she wanted to participate in school activities, but her father always ordered her to complete certain housework before she could participate. These housework exceeded her load. For those interesting activities, she can only \”look at the ocean and sigh\”. This excessive suppression of my aunt\’s freedom has developed her character of being weak, indecisive, and unassertive. In the process of raising children, there must be rules, but the \”degree\” must be grasped. What is degree? If in your management process, you firmly restrict the child\’s nature and make them feel depressed, unhappy, and restricted, that is going too far. Human individuality and free will are often developed early in life. If children are suppressed at a young age, their individuality and opinions are strangled in the cradle. If parents require their children to blindly accept all the rules they set, then the child will never become an independent thinking and perseverant person. \”Rules\” must also have principles. If they are set properly, then rules are a tool for shaping children\’s moral character. If it is not set appropriately, the result will often be overcorrection, counterproductive, and become a cage that binds the mind. The importance of attitude and method 1. Make eye contact and have a kind attitude. When talking to your child, you must look directly into the child\’s eyes. Eye contact sometimes beats verbal communication. When you look into your child\’s eyes, you are hinting to him: I am communicating with you seriously, and at the same time, you should also listen to me carefully. When speaking to your children, your attitude should be respectful and your tone should be firm. In life, we tend to like those who are interested in usWe respect people who are gentle and kind in their speech, while those who suppress themselves and are sarcastic about themselves are easily disgusted by us. My mother is a teacher. She once told me this: After a parent-teacher meeting, a parent came to chat with my mother and said with a sad face that his child was very disobedient at home and even disrespected himself. . The tone was full of complaints and disappointment. At this time, the phone rang, and it was the child calling. The child probably said on the phone that she was hungry and asked her when she would be home. As a result, the parent\’s face, which had been filled with sadness just now, suddenly turned angry and impatient: \”I\’m talking to the teacher! Why are you so clingy? Don\’t you go downstairs to buy some food?\” Seeing the parent talking to the child With his speaking attitude, my mother immediately understood the reason why her child was disobedient at home. Many parents use a condescending, complaining, sarcastic and impatient tone when talking to their children, which can greatly damage their children\’s self-esteem. More than adequate food and clothing in daily life, what children want more is tenderness, consideration, understanding and respect from their parents. Children\’s hearts are very sensitive. Sometimes even if you don\’t scold him intentionally, they will be keenly aware of the change in your attitude, and then they will question your love for him, creating a kind of psychological pressure that will make them speak to you in the same tone. Children are all mirrors of adult character. You usually have raised eyebrows and raised eyebrows, but you still want to see yourself in the mirror with kind eyebrows and kind eyes? 2. The tone is firm, simple and direct. Some parents may be confused: Does having a good attitude mean that you are talking to your children in a consultative tone? However, the tone of the discussion was not a good one. Sometimes, when parents make requests to their children, they will say in a very gentle tone: \”Can you…?\” At this time, the child will often show a very embarrassed look. The tone of discussion gives children a choice and makes them think that they have the right to refuse, so saying \”no\” becomes easy and without pressure or worry. Therefore, when asking your child to do something, be careful not to use a way that will easily lead to rejection, but to express your meaning directly in a way that attracts his attention. Don\’t ask questions, but tell him directly what you want him to do in a calm, calm and firm tone. For example, change \”Baby, please put away the toys?\” to \”Quick, start putting away the toys right away.\” This will give them a sense of urgency and responsibility, so they will not dare to procrastinate and complete the task quickly. It is also worth emphasizing that instructions to children must be simple and direct, and try to only say one thing at a time. Because it is much easier for a child to do one thing than several things, and his resistance will not be too serious. Moreover, if a child is asked to do several things at one time, he is likely to be attracted by other things while doing it, and will not be able to finish everything. The rules should be simple, and the attitude should be gentle but decisive. If you ask your children in this way, you can achieve the most effective results. Add a twist to tasks Whether in the world of adults or children, tasks always seem boring and off-putting. Because it has a coercive meaning, this characteristic limits people\’s natural pursuit of freedom. but,If you look at tasks from a different perspective, add new \”tricks\” to boring tasks, and turn them into exciting and interesting challenges, the effect will be much better. In the book \”This Way to Set Rules for Children,\” American writer George M. Kapaca mentioned a way of setting \”accumulation points\” for children\’s tasks. For example: you can earn 5 points by washing the dishes once; you can earn 10 points by completing your homework well; you can earn 20 points by cleaning the room once… After a certain number of points have been accumulated, they can be converted into Certain material or spiritual rewards: you can use 100 points to exchange for a book your child likes, use 200 points to exchange for a day at the amusement park on the weekend…and so on. If a child makes a mistake, points can be deducted accordingly. This not only promotes their actions, but also reduces their chances of making mistakes. It can be said that it kills two birds with one stone. Children are children after all, and because they are young, it is difficult to resist temptation. In order to get the books or toys they cherish, they will \”go through fire and water, no matter what\” to do any tasks. Therefore, this method is the best motivation to eliminate their laziness. If the purpose of adults working hard is to make money and live a better life, then the \”accumulation points\” in exchange for rewards are also a reason for children to work hard. Treating tasks as challenges will greatly enhance children\’s efficiency and mobility. Parents may wish to try it. When executing the plan, be sure to be firm. Ma Yili often shares her parenting diary on Weibo. Many examples in it are regarded as \”parenting manuals\” by netizens and reposted by each other. She said that when she sent her daughter Ma Ma to kindergarten on the first day, her daughter was reluctant to leave her because she was afraid of strangers. She cried and made a fuss at the entrance of the kindergarten and refused to go in. Most parents will be soft-hearted and comfort their children with gentle words. Some even take their children home directly. But Ma Yili ignored her daughter\’s crying and reluctance and walked away without looking back. Some people said she was \”hard-hearted\”, but that was because they didn\’t see the tears she shed because she felt sorry for her daughter when she hid in the car. Is she really \”looking indifferently\” to her daughter\’s emotions? Is she really afraid of wasting time on such trivial matters? of course not. She just wants her daughter to understand: It\’s useless to cry and act like a baby. You have to be strong and face it alone. The children in her kindergarten class ran home after attending classes for an hour or two, but Ma Yili insisted on leaving her daughter in the kindergarten all day. When picking up her daughter from school, her daughter fell on the road. Ma Yili did not immediately pick up her daughter in distress to see where she fell. Instead, she stood still and watched her daughter stand up on her own. She said: \”I know how important independence is to a girl. Independence will make a girl stronger inside.\” Therefore, when Aima was seven years old, she was able to take her grandmother, aunts and sisters from Paris to Shanghai. After clearing customs, we successfully found the lounge closest to the boarding gate. Under the guidance of my mother, I quickly checked the flight information and took the initiative to ask the staff… just like a little adult. Such achievements are of course inseparable from her determined and \”cruel\” education time and time again. Talking to the childWhen making requests, parents\’ principles and bottom line are very important. Let your children understand that some things must be done and there is no room for negotiation. If you choose to relent or give up because you feel sorry for your child\’s tears, those tears will be in vain. A gentle attitude can make them like you openly, decisive demands can make them no longer procrastinate and indecisive, and resolute execution can make them independent and strong. Setting rules for children in this way will definitely be effective.