Zeng Shiqiang’s comprehensive skills in parent-child relationship are 10,000 times more important than education

Ruirui is a child in our kindergarten. He has very poor self-control. Not only can he not sit still, he often yells for no reason. He does not know how to interact with others. If he likes someone, he may slap him in the face. Later he was diagnosed with sensory integration disorder. The left brain was at the level of an eight-year-old child, and the right brain was only at the level of a two-year-old child. Ruirui\’s mother panicked. She used to ignore her children and beat them when she was angry. She quickly quit her job and went home to take care of her children. His mother enrolled him in an early childhood education class and often took him to the class. The teacher told her: \”You must first establish a good relationship with the child before the class will be effective.\” One year later, Ruirui has made a lot of progress. Everyone said that this class not bad. A few days ago, he was naughty again. When he got excited, he couldn\’t control himself and hit the children. When the teacher told him to tell his mother, he cried sadly: \”I don\’t want to make my mother unhappy.\” Thinking of the past, he Fear no one. Now you care about your mother\’s opinions and restrain your own behavior. This is the role of the parent-child relationship. Just like in \”Mom is Superman\”, when Huang Shengyi talked about how she usually disciplines her children, a parenting expert told her: \”If the parent-child relationship is not established well, he will not listen to you.\” It turns out that when the parent-child relationship is established, When parents become their children\’s \”important others,\” children will be willing to listen to their parents. They are afraid of their parents\’ anger and are unwilling to break this relationship. British psychologist John Bowlby pointed out that \”attachment\” is a baby\’s physiological need and an instinctive behavior of human beings. A good parent-child relationship is the fundamental force for individual development and plays an important role in children\’s future personality shaping and social adaptation. On the contrary, a poor or missing parent-child relationship will put children at a developmental disadvantage from an early age. These children are more likely to develop psychological problems when they grow up. Behind every child with deviant behavior, there is such a secret. In 1990, Dr. Lin Wencai began to do a large number of cases in Malaysia and helped many children solve the problem of \”behavior deviation\”. She found that after solving one problem, these children would immediately develop the next problem. Dr. Lin Wencai said: \”These children are obviously very eager to be liked and accepted, and they know that these behaviors will bring them rejection and disgust, so why do they still enjoy it? They must be missing something.\” She said these must also be human beings What she needs to survive is what she calls \”psychological nourishment.\” As a result, she has helped countless families establish relationships with their children. What is surprising and exciting is that the children are nourished as if their lives have been nourished, becoming more energetic, happier, and have clearer goals, and the children\’s vitality can unfold. This result has been proven time and time again. More than 1,000 children have been transformed and countless families have benefited from it. A good parent-child relationship is better than education and is the starting point of family education. We always want to make children independent and outstanding through various advanced education. However, it is ignored: we are first of all an intimate combination of one life and another life. We have a relationship with our children first, and then we have education. Through the connection with his parents, the child feels his own existence and that his parents love him, and he can feel a stable sense of security. Then, he can safely feel his inner selfThe part of life that needs to be constructed. If a child can maintain a constant connection with his parents, he will have the courage to experience things that may be fearful, anxious and worrying for him. That connection is a kind of strength and support to him. A good parent-child relationship is the source of children\’s self-development. Children naturally long to be \”seen\” by their parents. When parents establish a good parent-child relationship with their children, they do not need to spend a lot of time looking for \”parents\”. Children can get the power to grow from their parents, and can completely release and construct themselves, release their own vitality, and when a child\’s vitality unfolds Well, it’s hard to think about whether you’re excellent or not. American scientist Harry Harlow once conducted a series of experiments on rhesus monkeys. Harlow made a surrogate mother out of wire and placed a device on her chest that could provide milk; he also made a surrogate mother wrapped in velvet and stuffed with cotton, but did not place any device that could satisfy the monkey\’s hungry needs. . Then, he put the two \”mothers\” in a cage with a group of baby rhesus monkeys and observed the behavior of these baby monkeys. After a period of observation, we discovered a surprising phenomenon: the little monkeys are willing to live with Mother Bu most of the time. Only when they are hungry will they go to the \”Iron Mother\” who has milk to eat and drink. Then he will return to Mother Bu\’s arms and hold on tightly. And in the event of a fright or emergency, the baby rhesus monkey will immediately run to Mother Bu\’s arms and gain comfort from Mother Bu\’s warm touch. The experiment was not over. Harlow discovered that the little monkeys raised by Mother Boo later developed symptoms similar to autism and were unable to integrate into the population or reproduce. Later, even if they gave birth to baby monkeys through artificial means, these monkey mothers were extremely indifferent to their children and even killed their own children. Through a series of experiments, he demonstrated that the intimate relationship between mother and child is an important factor in promoting a person\’s normal and healthy growth. Parents are the original source for children to feel safe, perceive love, and be able to love others. Scientific research shows that the establishment of an intimate relationship between a person and his or her parents in childhood affects love and security throughout life. It is a very scary thing for a child to have no sense of security and no ability to feel love. From a psychological point of view, the parent-child relationship we encountered in childhood will be internalized in the child\’s heart and become an internal relationship model. This set of internal relationship models forms our character and determines our destiny. Compared with education, the parent-child relationship is the most important and is the source of love for children. Sociological research shows that the most critical factor in determining a child\’s future development is not school education, but family education. Parents are their children\’s best teachers. They will provide their children with the power of role models and are their children\’s mirrors. The parent-child relationship is like the spiritual pipeline that connects children and parents. If there is a problem with the pipeline, the child\’s soul will have no home, and various problems will arise in education. A good parent-child relationship is the root of education and the underlying code that determines a child\’s lifelong happiness. What is a good parent-child relationship? A good parent-child relationship is one of relative freedom, harmony, and mutual respect. In this processDuring the process, parents rely more on guidance to educate their children. 1. Accompany your children attentively and become their important other person. In the heart of a child, no matter how expensive the toys or beautiful clothes are, they are not as good as the company of their parents; no matter how well the grandparents take care of the children, they are not as good as the company of their parents. When we say we accompany our children, it does not mean that we are required to be by their side 24 hours a day. Accompanying your children is not about the length of time, but your intention. For example, set up \”special time\” and spend this time with your children wholeheartedly. Read a book and play games with your children. Childhood is an important period for parents and children to establish parent-child relationships. Before it\’s too late, stop, slow down, give your child some time, and accompany him attentively. 2. Respect your children. A child needs his parents to respect him as an independent individual, not as a dependent of his parents. His thoughts, feelings, and possessions need adult respect. When he is focusing on one thing, not disturbing him is a kind of respect. When calling him, speaking softly is also a kind of respect. The sense of self-worth that these little bits of respect bring to the child is a sign of respect for the child. Life is very important. Respect is the mentality of treating each other as equals and the words and deeds; sometimes parents need to temporarily put aside their status as elders, regard their children as independent individuals, and get along with them equally. When a child makes a mistake or is emotionally unstable, we need to patiently listen to what the child is thinking instead of scolding him first. Only in this way can children open their hearts to their parents, and parents can understand their children\’s true thoughts and get into their children\’s hearts. 3. Parents are loving and emotionally stable. A good family emotional atmosphere is conducive to the formation of a safe and close parent-child relationship, while a tense family emotional atmosphere can lead to children\’s insecurity, which in turn can cause alienation and tension in the parent-child relationship. Social learning theory believes that children will use their parents\’ communication behaviors in marriage as examples and bring learned behaviors into parent-child interactions or interactions outside the family, thus triggering parent-child conflicts or peer conflicts. The parent-child relationship in childhood plays a decisive role in the development of the child\’s personality, the mode of interacting with others, and the ability to express love and feel love. A good parent-child relationship will also make children feel more secure and become people full of love and energy. As Mr. Takako Shinagawa of Japan said: \”The relationship between children and their parents is the key to the transformation of the child\’s life. It is also the basis for them to enter society in the future and basically treat people and things. If you care about your children, don\’t forget to value the relationship between you and your children. relation.\”