When children are \”willful\”, 90% of parents do the wrong thing

It is not difficult to find in life that some children are very obedient. They listen to what their parents say and are willing to do what their parents say. In contrast, some children are very \”strong\”, that is, very willful. As long as their desires are not satisfied, they will behave wildly and act willfully and arrogantly. Wayward children give parents headaches. A few days ago, an advertisement distributor passed by Xiao Shitou\’s house and handed him and his mother an advertisement leaflet each. At this time, three-year-old Xiao Shitou was sitting on a small stool. He crossed one calf over the other, shaking his head and pointing at the colorful items on the advertising flyer. His mother praised him for recognizing many things. At this time, little Pudding, who was two and a half years old, came upstairs and picked up another advertisement leaflet. Xiao Shitou stood up to grab it. His mother didn\’t allow him to take the advertisement from Little Pudding\’s hand. Seeing Xiao Shitou trying to pounce on him, mother\’s expression changed. She grabbed him and blamed Xiao Shitou for not knowing how to share. As she said that, her mother pressed Xiao Shitou\’s shoulders and asked him to sit down. \”Wow\” Xiao Shitou cried loudly. His mother pointed at his head and threatened to hit him if he cried again. As he said this, the little wooden stick really hit the little stone on the butt. Little Stone cried louder. The mother was helpless and troubled by the little stone\’s willfulness. From a psychological point of view, children have a period of psychological resistance during their growth. During this period, children will become very willful if their needs are not met. Sometimes parents think that their children are unreasonable, but in fact this is a process that children need to grow. Research by American psychologist William Kirk shows that children\’s willfulness is a manifestation of psychological needs. Little Shitou\’s \”willfulness\” is because Little Pudding took his things without his consent. But instead of stopping Little Pudding, his mother blamed him, so he felt aggrieved. When this mentality was not appeased, he would \”go against\” his mother and had no choice but to cry in protest. Never give up until you reach your goal. If the mother pays attention to this mentality, she will understand that Xiao Shitou has begun to know how to protect his own things, and he has a sense of \”property rights\”. At this time, parents should be happy for their children, because it is a big leap for the children to realize that \”this thing is mine\”. Willfulness is not the child\’s fault, it is a manifestation of the child\’s psychological needs. This kind of willfulness is essentially a rebellious psychology against parents. Its root is that parents do not pay attention to their psychological needs. From the perspective of growth patterns, children between the ages of 0 and 6 will experience various sensitive periods such as the \”stubborn sensitive period\”, the \”perfect sensitive period\”, the \”order sensitive period\”, and the \”emotional sensitive period\”. For example, if you give your child an apple and you think he can\’t finish it, you take a bite or cut off a piece, and the child will cry and make a fuss. Because the child is in the \”perfectly sensitive period\” at this time, satisfy him appropriately. If the child is in a bad mood, we should not blame him. Soon he will no longer demand perfection in everything. Some children burst into tears when their parents sent them to school. That\’s because it disrupted the usual order. Who walks in front and who walks behind, the child\’s psychology is fixed. If his normal needs are met during the \”order-sensitive period\”, good order can be cultivated in the child. It is normal for children to be willful at this time, and we must respect and accept them.Satisfied and reasonably satisfied. Regarding her children\’s \”willfulness\”, Xiao Lin\’s mother did a very good job and is worth learning from. Before dinner, Xiao Lin wants to eat sweets. When his mother refused to feed him, he got angry and rolled on the spot crying. Mom neither yelled at him nor ignored him. Instead, she gently picked up Xiao Lin and told him: \”I know you really want to eat that candy, and mom also likes to eat it. But now it\’s time to eat. After dinner, mom will eat it with you.\” Xiao Lin was doubtful, and his mother took the opportunity to say: \”I know you\’re so angry and sad that you can\’t eat candy. I\’ll let you touch it, make a hook with it, and agree to eat it after dinner, okay?\” Xiaolin\’s needs were understood and accepted. , burst into tears and laughed. Psychology shows that children\’s willfulness is a kind of energy that will come and go. Adults should not interfere, let the children learn how to deal with their own willfulness. What we adults have to do is to give our children unlimited love and support so that they can learn to live with their negative emotions. If you use escape methods to ignore your child\’s willfulness, your child will use alternatives to escape when they grow up. My classmate\’s 15-year-old child learned to smoke and drink, and got out of hand. No matter how his parents advised him, he remained indifferent. This child\’s willfulness is because when he was a child, his parents would give him whatever he wanted, regardless of whether the request was reasonable or not. In order to save themselves from worry, parents choose to escape. Blindly satisfying the child\’s requirements will make the child have no bottom line and push for more. Being obedient to your children will only make them feel that they are taking it for granted, being self-centered, and becoming more and more willful. Blindly suppressing children\’s willfulness will make children have no personality of their own. They will obey others\’ orders and have no independent opinion. A survey of 991 children aged 9 to 14 found that 36% said their partners asked them to smoke marijuana, 40% said their partners asked them to try premarital sex, and 36% said their partners asked them to shoplift. . Children who are assertive will not listen to others\’ instigation. They have their own ability to judge. Parents should not compromise on their children\’s \”willful\” behavior. Regardless of whether the child\’s request is reasonable or not, they will be satisfied. Parents who accommodate their children without principles will make the children do whatever they want, be selfish and willful. Parents cannot deny that children are \”willful\”. Children who are not satisfied for a long time will develop dissatisfaction and resistance. Or they are blindly obedient to adults, timid and afraid of getting into trouble, thus losing their individuality. When we understand that a child\’s \”willfulness\” is a psychological need, we respect him without accommodating him without principles, and only then will the child\’s psychology develop healthily. For \”willful\” children, if parents do the following four points, the child\’s willfulness will be improved and the child will be mentally healthy. 1. When your children are willful and noisy, do not criticize them harshly or even beat them. You can take advantage of the situation, be positive and patient in reasoning, and explain to your children why unreasonable demands cannot be met. 2. Divert the child’s attention. For example, if your child is clamoring for a dog, you can take him to the park to see other animals. Lively and cute animals will attract children\’s attention and free them from their willfulness. 3. Punishment if necessary. When your child cries, \”cold\” him for a while. treatWhen he loses his composure, he seizes the opportunity to explain to his child why he cannot meet his request. And pointed out that his willfulness was wrong and asked him not to do it again in the future. 4. Communicate patiently with your children. Parents tell their children their thoughts and then listen to their children\’s thoughts. A survey shows that about two-thirds of children in China lack communication with their parents. Good communication with children can enhance the parent-child relationship, and a good relationship allows parents to have a positive influence on their children. Children\’s willfulness is not innate, it is the result of failed family education. I hope every family can develop harmoniously, be united and love each other.