The way you treat your child now will determine the kind of partner he will be in the future.

Outside the window, the night rain was pouring, and in the cafe, my best friend, with a sad face, told me about the bloody drama with her boyfriend. All of them were so familiar and typical that I reflexively tried to analyze the causes and consequences behind them. My best friend couldn\’t help but be shocked, saying that everything was right, and lamented that I suddenly had the fortune-telling ability like a charlatan. I smiled bitterly and said: When you become a mother, you will also have a new understanding of the so-called \”reincarnation of fate\”, \”matching\” and \”family background\”. My best friend is unmarried and has recently made a new boyfriend. He is naturally sweet at first. He greets her on the phone every day, picks her up from and to get off work, and treats her like a princess. However, after the relationship was confirmed, only a month into the sweet relationship, my boyfriend suddenly made a suggestion – to pool money together to buy a house! This radical idea naturally frightened her best friend. She felt that the progress of their relationship was far from reaching this level, so after several hesitations, she refused. Unexpectedly, this incident became a watershed. The boyfriend felt that his best friend did not trust him at all, and a thorn in his heart fell. From then on, he couldn\’t tolerate his best friend saying \”no\” to him, even if it was a small matter. Once his best friend expressed objections, the two would quarrel. After hearing this, my first reaction was: Is he a liar, trying to trick you into buying a house? My best friend shook her head and said: No, we agreed that only my name will be written on the house. This is strange. Isn’t it normal for my best friend to refuse? Isn’t it normal for my boyfriend to react so violently? This is not the only thing that my best friend can\’t understand. My boyfriend works in a traditional industry. Although his salary is not very high, he has always been very motivated. He is in his early 30s and has already bought two houses. He can be considered young and promising. However, even so, her boyfriend is still very insecure and has poor self-identity. He needs to keep buying houses to give himself a sense of security. In order to buy a house this time, he even sold his car to raise money. There seems to be a black hole in my boyfriend that needs to be filled with substances, but it can never be filled. \”He is a very pessimistic person. He always looks sad when looking at problems. I feel like a cheerful person like me has been made a little unhappy by him.\” My best friend said bitterly. From this scene, I sensitively smelled a hint of reincarnation, and couldn\’t help but ask: What kind of people are his parents? The best friend\’s answer opened the curtain on her boyfriend\’s fate. My boyfriend\’s parents both have decent jobs, working in the logistics department of a certain university, and his father is pretty good. Before the Cultural Revolution, he was a graduate of a prestigious domestic university and was once the top scholar in the village. At this moment, I seemed to have found the hand hidden behind the scenes that controlled everything. I immediately speculated: This father must be very frustrated, right? My best friend nodded quickly and said: How do you know? How could a famous college student be content with his career ending in the logistics department? Failure is inevitable. From this starting point, I can almost see the gloomy childhood of my best friend’s boyfriend: the father will definitely project his own unfulfilled expectations onto his son, hoping that his son will accomplish something. I have been strict with my son since he was a child, and he cares a lot about his studies, but rarely encourages or affirms him. He feels that all his efforts are taken for granted. best friendHe nodded again: That’s it! The best friend added that the father makes the decisions in her boyfriend’s home, and the mother listens to the father. My father has been very concerned about his boyfriend\’s grades since he was a child. He has always worked hard and diligently in his studies, but his grades were average. During the college entrance examination, he only got into a second-tier college. When my boyfriend was growing up, he was high-pressure and had low self-esteem. It is completely conceivable that his father would inadvertently express disappointment and sighs in his daily life. From this point of view, everything that is abnormal about my boyfriend now is completely logical. There was always a dissatisfied voice in his heart, denying him, waving a whip, and lashing him forward. Therefore, he will make progress, be harsh on himself, and unconsciously desire to obtain short-term affirmation and security through material success. It\’s not that he doesn\’t want to be happy, it\’s that he doesn\’t give himself the chance to experience happiness at all. After listening to this, my best friend expressed admiration and said that I knew everything like a god. She said that one time, her boyfriend took her home for dinner. After her father learned that she was a graduate student from a prestigious university, he felt that his eyes suddenly brightened up and he took good care of her. He kept talking to her at the dinner table about his previous school days. thing. However, her boyfriend looked scornful of the conversation between them. She was puzzled at the time, but now she finally understands. And I couldn\’t help but feel a burst of sadness in my heart, and I wanted to hug that little boy, that weak little boy who drooped his head and cried tremblingly under his father\’s severe scolding. My boyfriend often complains to his best friend, saying that her best friend affirms him too little. I think it’s because he doesn’t know how to affirm himself at all, so he needs his best friend to praise him and trust him. That’s why he longs for his best friend to use the thing he cares about most – to use money to buy a house, to vote for him. One ticket. Even if he falls in love with my best friend, it is fate. He needs someone like my best friend who graduated from a prestigious school and is a little stronger like his father to love him and accept him unconditionally. Throughout his life, the son will subconsciously try to find the love and affirmation of his parents. As a mother, after reading so many parenting books over the years, I have a very deep feeling: we cannot predict the future of our children, but we can clearly know why our children are where they are today. Parents\’ early upbringing is like planting something in a child\’s heart. It may be a lightly sweet candy, or it may be a wrong medicine. They will be released slowly throughout the child\’s life. Parents put their own expectations on their children to fulfill. This is really a very high-risk parenting style. There must be some who can fulfill their expectations and succeed in counterattack, but they may only be a minority. More often, parents\’ own expectations become the weight of their children\’s lives that they cannot bear. After all, everyone can only live their own life. This is true for children, and even more so for parents. If you have desires and expectations, you should work hard to realize them yourself, instead of saying confidently to a weak child, \”I have no hope in this life, it\’s up to you.\” I hope everyone can live vividly for themselves, love truly, and feel passionately.