Parents who have trouble coaxing them to sleep, do you really know what sleep means to your children?

Little D used to be a bad sleeper. He would sleep with me all night long, as if he had grown up on me. Looking back on those days now, I still have lingering fears. At that time, I learned a lot about sleep and mastered many techniques to induce sleep. Little D\’s sleep has gradually improved since she was 1 year old. She can fall asleep on her own by gently patting her. After 1 and a half years old, she will go to sleep on her own as soon as she completes the sleep routine. Now I think back on the experience of improving little D’s sleep. It was helpful for little D to grow up and improve his neurological development. The sleep knowledge I learned was also helpful, but I think the most helpful thing was the adjustment of my own mentality during the learning process. At that time, I just had this vague feeling. Until recently, I saw a research survey and found that my feeling was verified, so I wanted to share it with everyone. I don’t know if you have discovered a pattern. Every time we do a sleep program to put us to sleep, the more anxious we are and the more we think, “There is one thing we haven’t done yet, let’s do it as soon as the child falls asleep.” The more difficult it is for the child to fall asleep. It always took longer than usual, often leaving us furious and with our health bar empty. In fact, ask yourself, aside from the impact on the body of children who do not sleep well, why do we want our children to sleep so much. I dare not tell you, I did have \”selfish\” reasons at the time. After all, I had \”suffered\” a whole day with my baby, and I just wanted her to go to bed quickly so that I could lie down and rest, so that I could start my own Free time. And what does sleep mean to children? I didn\’t understand it at the time, but now I can clearly understand that sleeping is something children can\’t bear to part with. This is the longest period of time they are separated from their parents every day. Therefore, why so many books about sleep say that everyone should implement a sleep routine. In fact, it is not only cultivating children\’s sleeping habits, but more importantly, it is providing children with an emotional buffer zone. Through the execution of sleep programs, children can \”intensively\” feel our loving response, allowing them to enter with satisfaction. Dreamland. It can be seen that if we are always \”out of mind\” when coaxing us to sleep and are always eager to \”solve a problem\”, then the sleep program will not be effective and it will be difficult to coax us to sleep. This was also confirmed by experiments by Professor Douglas Teti of the University of Pennsylvania in the United States. He found that parents who are easy to put to sleep have one common characteristic: they are accepting and responsive to their children\’s emotions. When a child hums, the parents will look at the child\’s face and respond calmly; when the child struggles and frowns, the parents will hold the child calmly and let him know, \”It\’s okay, mommy is here.\” Throughout the process, the parents in this group did not try to \”correct\” their children, or hope that their children would follow the established procedure, hoping that the children would fall asleep when the procedure was over. On the contrary, parents are more concerned about giving back their children\’s emotions, communicating and connecting with them emotionally, so that their children can feel valued, which will make it easier for them to fall asleep. Another group of parents always strictly implement the sleep routine. Especially when the children show impatience when reading the good night picture book, the parents do not respond to their emotions in time, but always try to \”catch\” the children back to continue reading. , this group of children still need to spend a long time \”grinding\” their parents before they can fall asleep after performing the sleep routine. thisThe findings of the experiment are quite illustrative, that is, whether it is sleep procedures or sleep-inducing techniques, the key is not what we do specifically, but what we make our children feel at that moment, that is, when we do it attitudes and emotions. To be honest, one of the reasons why I can take care of Little D by myself and still have this official account is that Little D sleeps very well afterwards (for example, when I pushed this article, she was actually still talking to the baby in bed). But when I look back now, her transformation from a sleeper to a sleeper is not just about her growing up. I learned about sleep and helped her establish a sleep routine. I think the most important thing is that I realized these two points. 1. I understand her reluctance. Because of this understanding, I now regard all the fussing, fussing, and actions she made before going to bed as her seeking to establish a connection with me and find safety with me. and An Xin, to accompany her through the long ten hours of not seeing each other. Therefore, no matter how many things I have to do next, I haven’t finished revising my official article, I haven’t finished my homework for tomorrow’s class, my originally planned study progress has been slowed down, I still have to do a volunteer program for her kindergarten, and I have to pay rent and utilities. , the dishes at home have not been washed, etc., the time when I accompany her to sleep (my family usually falls asleep after bathing) is always calm, slow, and wholehearted. To be honest, we know best whether we are committed or not. I have also experienced self-quibble, \”I am committed, but that naughty kid is making all kinds of noises.\” The time when we completely put down the things on our minds and focus on spending time with our children, I believe, is only 30 minutes an hour at most, but I didn’t believe it at the time, so the more I resisted, the more anxious I became, and the longer it took to put me to sleep. 2. I understand her pressure. Is there no pressure in the world for children, only happiness? It\’s really not the case. I didn\’t understand this before. I didn\’t realize it until Little D started to express himself. When little D was nearly three years old, he experienced a sleep regression and started making all kinds of noises before going to bed. At that time, I reflected on myself that I was still focused on spending time with her before going to bed, so I just couldn\’t understand what was wrong with her. After several days of this situation, one day I did not do the sleep routine. Instead, after giving her a bath and wiping her body, I asked her, \”What\’s wrong with you recently?\” Don\’t you want to sleep because you can\’t bear to leave your mother? You know, mom is always here, always by your side (originally this is the time for us to read picture books). Unexpectedly, these words made Little D release her emotions all of a sudden and she started mumbling in my arms. Only then did I know that her classmate had transferred to another school and she was unhappy. At that moment, I suddenly realized that every day before going to bed is actually the accumulation point of children\’s daily life stress. Many children are unwilling to go to bed because they are not \”happy enough\” today. This is the same for no matter how young the child is, but They just couldn\’t express it at that time. This discovery also made me understand once again that sleep routines are just a means. The key is to use some methods to allow children to sort out their emotions, and perhaps it is also an opportunity to vent their accumulated emotions. Therefore, later on, I would more consciously review life with Little D while taking a bath, helping her express her happiness and sadness that day, and I would also give her timely feedback (while taking a bathIt is more appropriate to do a review, so that after she actually goes to bed, most of her emotions have relaxed and it will not affect her sleep). I know it can be very frustrating for parents to have a sleeper at home, I\’ve been there. But just because I have experienced it and gone through many detours, I want to tell everyone that we must understand as early as possible that sleeping, eating, and going to the toilet by ourselves are three things that we cannot control or help our children do. If you realize your own \”powerlessness\” from the source, and then fully understand your child\’s mentality, many problems will be solved. I know that adjusting the mentality is the most difficult, but without this awareness, we will always be in vain. \”If it\’s the wrong track, even running all the time will be in vain.\” I hope that every parent who puts you to sleep, while continuing to learn sleep knowledge, remember to think about your parents\’ instincts, let go of your obsessions, and give us a gentle hug. children. They just want to tell us that I can\’t bear it and I\’m not happy today. . . .