Parents’ different responses have such a huge impact on children’s personalities…

Many parents believe that boys are born to be brave. And boys do act more carefree, not as delicate as girls. If you touch a boy\’s hand, you will definitely find that the small palm is a bit rough. Xiao Xiaoyu\’s hand is like this. Sometimes I can feel it when I hold his hand. Because they often rub and grab on various things. Who knows what their little hands go through in a day? And you will find that their knees will have various scars or bruises. This is all achieved through bumps and bumps. Most parents have similar impressions of boys. They can be bold and free-range, and their hearts will not be so sensitive. Unconsciously, the responses to them were less, but the requests were many, many. One night I took Xiao Xiaoyu to the property to pick up the express delivery. When he went out, he was a little excited and rushed towards the rolling shutter door next to him. Behind the door curtain is a glass door frame. I didn\’t even have time to catch him because he was holding a big express delivery. He stepped back after the collision and stood there stunned. Now that I think about it, luckily I didn\’t comfort him by saying it was okay. There is no such thing as \”Don\’t cry, be brave\”. Instead, he asked him: \”Does it hurt?\” When he heard this, he began to cry loudly. In that environment, he thought he had made a mistake. Even though it hurt, I didn\’t cry. But after getting my response, he began to express his feelings. Then I asked him where he hit? After resting outside for a while, I rubbed him. At this time, his mood calmed down, and I told him to be careful and watch the road outside, especially since the glass door is transparent. Sometimes children really don’t dare to cry because they have made mistakes. The response of parents often gives children different feelings. And it will also affect the formation of children\’s personality. I don’t know if you have noticed that children always make some noise to attract your attention. Because if you pay attention, you will respond to him. This way he will feel your love. What will be the consequences if parents continue to neglect? For example, when parents take their children to the cinema, the children see an ant and say to their parents: Look, there is an ant there! \”If my father looked at his phone at this time, he would definitely respond: \”Yeah! \”Even pretend not to hear. And my mother may respond: \”Hurry up, hurry up, the movie is about to start. \”We also see a common situation. Children come home from school and chatter to their parents about what they have seen. But busy mothers may not necessarily care about what their children say. Instead, they think about how to arrange the meal tonight. What they give their children is A perfunctory feeling. When the content that the child pays attention to is completely different from what the parents pay attention to. Psychologists call this reaction \”irrelevant reaction.\” \”Children often receive irrelevant responses from their parents, or even indifference, which will create a huge sense of nothingness, unable to confirm their own existence, and the self is fragmented. Existence equals being perceived. British psychologist Lain said so. He called this lack Called \”existential anxiety\”. If a little child has this kind of anxiety, his childhood will be almost covered in haze. He cannot feel it in his heart.Sunshine and love. You will also slowly lose the ability to love someone, and may even become withdrawn and have low self-esteem. There are also many parents who feel that listening to their children\’s nagging is a waste of time. So when you listen to a child\’s words, you think you understand. Or just don’t listen. I once saw a story like this on Zhihu, which moved me very much. There was a little girl in the third grade of elementary school. For a while, she said she was afraid of ghosts and did not dare to sleep alone. The mother of the child feels that such a big child should be bolder. She told her children that there are no ghosts in this world. Then I didn\’t ask any more questions, thinking that the child was just suspicious. But one night when she was sleeping, the little girl came to her parents’ room again and said she was scared. This time her mother comforted her as before. Dad hugged her that day, but he didn\’t tell her \”there are no ghosts in the world.\” Instead, he chatted with her for a long time. He asked her, \”What does the ghost that scares you look like?\” The little girl said, \”It is black and invisible. As soon as you look at it, it disappears.\” Then the father continued to chat with her for a long time, and he got a Very important information: Children often see this ghost on their way home from school. This aroused the father\’s alarm. He went to the school in advance for several days to wait for his children to get out of school to see what was going on. As a result, he saw a middle-aged man wearing a black hat stalking his daughter. He decisively called the police, but his parents were still scared. Fortunately, they found out early. If one day this middle-aged man suddenly takes action, the consequences will be disastrous. And what kind of father is this father? The child\’s mother said this: In daily life, he is always patient and listens to his children\’s nonsense. He will never deny a child casually, no matter how absurd the child\’s words are based on unthinking common sense. If we love our children. You must learn to listen to your children and respond patiently to your children. If a child has a good mother or caregiver who can respond positively to him and understand him. Then he is lucky, because his feelings will be confirmed, his self will become complete, and his heart will become rich and warm. And it starts in infancy. Why do some children cry all the time? Because they are not understood, or their calls are not answered. Sometimes the child wants to drink water, but you hold him out to play and shake him. Sometimes the child wants to play, but you think he is hungry and give him something to eat. I remember that I was living at my aunt\’s house at that time. My little cousin cries every night. Every time, my aunt rushed to breastfeed, but my sister still cried. Then I wet the bed while drinking milk. At this time she became even more angry. Just a few slaps on the butt. My sister cried loudly in protest. In fact, she just wanted to pee. But my mother didn’t feel right. Slowly, mother and daughter became aligned. There will no longer be such crying. When a baby smiles at its mother, the mother is happy inside. He also responded with a heartfelt smile. When babies cry, mothers will come to them immediately and respond. It is this kind of response that makes the child feel his presence. Moreover, children are more likely to resonate with the people around them and have good empathy.Strong presence. Ma Yili once published an article on parenting on Weibo, reflecting on her abandonment of her motherly instincts, which ultimately led to some inappropriate situations in the process of building a child\’s sense of security. As my sister grows up, I regret more and more the cry immunity training I did when my beloved horse was one year old, even though I successfully got her to sleep through the night in just two days. But when she was one and a half years old, it started to happen again. She would always wake up once after falling asleep, cry and clap her hands to beg for a hug. After finding no one cared about her, she had to cry herself to sleep again, and I stubbornly hoped that she would fall asleep soon in the dark. Numbing myself to ignore her helplessness, I even thought that when she grew up, she would not remember these crying nights. This kind of suffering was a huge torture for me, her and the whole family. Finally, I listened to my mother\’s advice and put her bed next to my big bed. When I woke up in the middle of the night, I would reach out and pat her. From then on, we and she both slept extremely soundly. . If you remember your childhood, you will certainly be able to love your children better. Sometimes when I look at the little guy in front of me, I am reminded of my own childhood experiences. He is also the same naughty and has the same impatience. There are the same needs and desires. Then don\’t suppress the little kid inside. Don\’t treat the little child in front of you indifferently. If I think about it carefully, I actually didn\’t do well enough. how about you, dear?