The teacher said my child has ADHD…please don\’t judge easily, okay?

Some time ago, I took Xiaopai to attend a friend\’s child\’s birthday party, and met a mother who complained bitterly to me. And I didn\’t know her at all, and she didn\’t know me either. I just stood aside and watched the children jumping up and down. She suddenly asked me, are your children energetic and naughty? Uh, I looked at Xiaopai who was whirring and looking like a big sister, and reluctantly replied, so be it. As a result, the conversation started accidentally. She said worriedly, \”Oh, the one in our family was said by the kindergarten teacher to have ADHD. You don\’t even know how sad I am.\” I thumped and my heart became heavy as I listened to the mother continue. It turned out that her son was in middle school. The teacher had told her several times that he was suspected of having ADHD. He was often naughty and unruly and the teacher could not control him. She was advised to take the child to the hospital for examination. She originally thought her child was quite normal at home, but she couldn\’t stand the teacher\’s repeated criticisms and reminders, so she had no choice but to take her child to the hospital. The examination results showed that everything was normal for the child, but his performance in kindergarten was poor and he was directly included in the \”blacklist\” of discipline by the teacher. The mother was anxious and frightened, at a loss what to do, and often suffered from insomnia. Once when she was talking to the child\’s father, she cried in front of the child. She said: \”My son used to ask me to tell him stories at night. After he saw me crying that night, he, who was only 4 years old, took a shower and got dressed by himself without saying a word. He went back to his room and turned off the light to sleep. In fact, I know he won\’t be able to sleep…\” As he said this, this strange mother also choked up in front of me. My heart seemed to be clenched together, and that lonely little figure appeared in front of me. I didn\’t know that in the dark night, the little head Gua was thinking about something, and his eyes became wet. Because of a label placed by the kindergarten teacher, the mother and child seem to be trapped in a huge shadow, unable to break free or run out. \”I also communicated with the teacher and said that if you can\’t control my child, I will change the child\’s class,\” the mother continued, \”but my son refused. He said that he finally made a few friends. I don’t want to change shifts and lose these friends.” I seemed to hear some clues and asked her: “Then he doesn’t have friends to play with at home?” Mom said: “No, our family lives in a village in the city. When he goes out to play, we always let him stay at home.\” The two of us were chatting when we suddenly noticed a boy staring directly at us. Then he moved over pretending to be casual, picked up a toy and played with it in his hand. But it was obvious that he was eavesdropping on us. A child with such sensitive behavior is undoubtedly the son of the mother in front of him. I confirmed with a wink and she nodded at me. I whispered: \”Then let\’s stop talking. The child must care about what you say about him.\” Mom still couldn\’t help but reply to me: \”Yes, every time I chat with others, he will come over like this when he finds out, and sometimes I\’ll come directly and say, \’Stop talking.\’\” I nodded and didn\’t say anything else, but I had mixed feelings in my heart. I don\’t know much about this mother and son, but even with these few words, I can\’t help but have one thought – should the teacher be more cautious in judging \”ADHD\”?The impact it can have on a family can be devastating. Because in the eyes of most ordinary mothers, teachers represent professionalism. If even teachers give up on their children by labeling them, how do mothers view their children? Do you not believe in the teacher’s professionalism, or do you deny your own children? Hopelessness, helplessness, frustration, depression… I can feel that mother is about to be swallowed up by these waves of negative emotions. If she didn\’t find someone to talk to, she might suffocate. And what about the children? Hiding alone in a dark corner, you may attack yourself in amplified fear, or you may learn to suppress yourself in helplessness. I remember the Waldorf course I took before. The lecturer, Ms. Bernadette, who has been engaged in early childhood education in New Zealand for more than 30 years, specifically told us in class not to label children easily, such as \”ADHD\”. Sitting under the podium, in addition to parents, there were also many kindergarten teachers. She said that as a preschool teacher, she actually does not understand the whole picture of children\’s lives. We only see the child\’s performance at school, but we don\’t know his living environment and lifestyle at home, as well as his main caregiver\’s personality, values, parenting philosophy, etc. If a child has behavioral problems, he should have in-depth communication with his parents to gain a comprehensive understanding. After the class ended that day, we divided into several groups to discuss our thoughts and experiences. A kindergarten teacher shared with us that she once judged a child as having ADHD. Fortunately, she only thought so in her heart and did not tell her parents. After listening to Teacher Bernadette\’s class, she realized that she had not done enough. Thinking of the strange mother\’s children, they rarely go out to play on weekdays and almost always stay at home. Children who do not have enough time for outdoor activities are indeed prone to inattention, inability to sit still, and excessive energy in classes that require quietness. If the child\’s teacher could have a more comprehensive understanding of the child\’s situation, would it not be so easy to determine that the child has ADHD? Looking back now, it seems that it is not uncommon for kindergarten teachers to easily label and judge children. What should mothers do if they don’t want this to happen? The white-haired teacher Bernadette slowly said in class: \”As parents, we must also communicate more with teachers. Parents live with their children, and teachers also live with their children.\” So what do the two sides talk about? She said: \”Put aside judgment and just talk about life.\” She even suggested that parents create a \”personal biography\” for their children when they first enter kindergarten. Write down the child\’s behavior habits, interests and hobbies, strengths and weaknesses, parents\’ personality, parenting philosophy, etc., and give them to the teacher. The teacher has a basic and comprehensive understanding of the children, which will be helpful to her work and can also help the children adapt to the new environment faster. I remember that there was a classmate of my father who came to talk to me about her child’s problems a few years ago. That year, when her daughter had just started kindergarten, the kindergarten teacher said that her daughter was developmentally delayed and that her language and thinking abilities were far behind those of children of the same age. She even suspected that there was something wrong with her intelligence.It is recommended to go to the hospital. This mother is also anxious. Although she knows clearly that her daughter is different from other children. She is slow to learn, has poor memory, and has poor social skills. But she firmly believes that her daughter has no problem with her intelligence and does not need to go to the hospital. look. In addition to her children, she also talked a lot with me, saying that she had a falling out with her mother-in-law, that she took care of the children full-time, and lived in a single building facing the street. The first floor was a vegetable market and the main road, and there was no community-style environment for children. Every day she takes her daughter out to buy groceries and then goes home to stay at home… After listening to this, I, as an onlooker, can tell that her daughter does not live in a rich enough nurturing environment, and her life is too simple. But she had never had such a chat with the teacher, and the teacher didn\’t know that the child grew up in such an environment. Later, I recommended some parenting books to her, and suggested that she talk to her teachers more, and then try to change the child\’s living environment and adjust her own parenting style. Last year, we met again. Her daughter was already in elementary school. She didn\’t look like a child who had been called \”developmentally delayed\” by the teacher at all. All aspects were normal. My classmate changed his house and gave birth to a second child. The haze of many years ago has been cleared away, and he is living a peaceful life. If she had been stuck in the teacher\’s judgment, I wonder if her daughter would have gone in another direction. I remember that in the classic movie \”Spring in the Cowherd Class\”, the music teacher Matthew faced the naughty problem children and taught them with kind eyes and beautiful music: I will not give up on you, I will encourage you , respect you, identify with you, understand you, discover you, and guide you, as long as you are pure and kind. Teachers and parents are all leading the little seed of a child to sprout and grow. He still has a long way to go. Please don’t judge and don’t give up.