How much do babies like to fight? I am not afraid for my mother

I was shopping in the supermarket that day, and there was a mother in front of me who was looking at the list, scanning the goods, and taking care of her two babies. The eldest daughter is about five years old, and the youngest son is at most three years old. After a while, the two little guys started fighting for the same toy. There were so many dolls, but there was only one Peppa Pig left. And the two of them were crying and only wanted this one. The smaller ones obviously can\’t win over the bigger ones. If they can\’t grab the bigger ones, they will naturally start to cry loudly. Immediately, a kind-hearted passerby came out to mediate, \”Sister, you are the eldest, please give it to the younger brother.\” \”Wouldn\’t it be better to let the sister pick another one?\” \”Can\’t you spoil the younger one?\”…I It will be interesting to see how Mom ends up. I saw my mother bending down in front of my brother, looking at him kindly, and then slowly covering her ears. Seeing this action, the younger brother actually stopped crying. At that time I sighed, master! Do all the hot young moms nowadays have such skills? It can be seen that this action is a code word agreed with the baby not to cry. He must have been trained at home before. I saw my mother immediately turned around and hugged my sister (to express empathy and concern). My sister\’s sad face immediately turned gloomy. \”Do you choose to continue making trouble here, or do you want to have a peaceful discussion in my arms?\” (Giving children the power to choose is better than giving direct orders. Children are more willing to cooperate.) The mother squatted and asked at the same time. The two children stretched out their arms. So the two babies approached their mother\’s arms. \”Mom, what should I do? There is only one Peppa Pig, and my brother and I both want it.\” \”Mom believes that you and your brother will be able to negotiate a solution.\” (Guide the child to solve the problem on his own) \”Sister, I only want this. Mom, I just want this.\” The little guy is very good at expressing his requests. \”Brother, I like this too. After I ask my mother to buy it, how about we play with it for a day?\” (Starts his own brainstorming) \”No, I want to play with it during the day, and I will give it to you at night when my mother tells me stories. Play.\” (The younger brother\’s expressive ability has improved to another level) Mom looked at her sister. She was not satisfied. Mom encouraged her to think again. \”But I don\’t have much time to play in the evening, so you have to share a piece of your chocolate with me.\” (Self-adjustment of psychological balance) \”Okay then.\” (Rules that you participate in making are easier to abide by) It doesn\’t matter if you don\’t accept it, really Let the two children solve the problem together with words and words. Mom\’s attitude is completely neutral. I remember how I could have been so calm and sophisticated when I was raising two kids. When two people fight, I will immediately scold the older one and give way to the younger one. The only purpose is to make the little baby stop crying quickly. Especially in public places, I am afraid that I cannot control my children, I am afraid that I will lose my dignity, and I am afraid that others will say that I am not good at raising my children. Now that I think about it, my fear at that time was completely wrong and ridiculous. But there are still many parents who often come to chat with me: \”Teacher, the two devils in my family never stop for a day. They have a small quarrel every three days and a big fight every five days. How should I treat them?\” I asked: We have to take care of ourselves first. Parents may not have thought that their intervention is the best aid for children who love to fight. possibleHow is it possible, you say? I\’m most afraid of them fighting. Will they fight when I\’m not around? Yeah? So let me ask you: How did you know they were fighting? You see, even if you\’re not there, they will try their best to make sure you know. Their purpose in fighting is for you to step in and be his side\’s judge, jury, and law enforcer. And your intervention strengthens their use of this wrong way to gain a sense of belonging and value. Some parents may feel that they are very objective and reasonable. They only stand on the right side regardless of their size, and they have to teach anyone who is wrong. In fact, \”correctness\” is always a matter of perspective. What may seem \”right\” to you may still be unfair from the child\’s perspective. You know, the world in children\’s eyes is their real world. Many mothers are worried about what they should do if Dabao accidentally hurts their little one. In fact, if Dabao intends to hurt his little one, he will do it when adults are not present. If there is danger and you really need to intervene, you must remain neutral, keep the bowl of water level, and let every child be in the same situation. Not long ago, I was a guest at a friend\’s house. She had three children at home. The oldest son is over 6 years old, the middle son is over 4 years old, and the youngest daughter is just over 9 months old. There was a scuffle between the three of them when they entered the door. The two brothers were fighting for the picture album in the sister\’s hand. Although the friend felt that the younger sister had done nothing to provoke her two older brothers, she still wanted all the children to be \”in the same situation.\” She put her sister into the baby chair and said to her seriously in front of her two brothers: \”When you stop fighting with your brothers, we will take you out to play.\” Then he sent the two brothers back. Their room: \”When you think about it and stop fighting, come to the living room and tell me, and we will go play with my sister together.\” It seems a bit ridiculous. My sister simply doesn\’t understand her mother\’s warning, why is she still allowed to be innocent? sitting there. From a psychological perspective, it is beneficial for mothers to treat all children equally. Because we cannot be sure whether the big one provoked the small one intentionally or unintentionally. When you side with a child who you \”think\” is the victim, you are training this child\’s \”victim\” mentality; when you always lecture the party you \”think\” is causing trouble, you are training this child. Children’s “bullying” mentality. One parent told a story about her childhood. She is the eldest sister in the family. Whenever she has a dispute with her younger brother, her mother always takes his side. She said why she was so ignorant; she said her brother was still young and she should let him go; the first thing she thought of was to give her brother something good. The younger brother would be very proud every time he won, so he often deliberately provoked her into fights, just to get special attention from his mother. The \”victim\” training given by her mother to her younger brother since childhood made him \”quite effective\” when he grew up. Whenever something goes wrong at work, my younger brother always blames this or that. He always feels that he is being bullied and complains to everyone he meets. Her mother also had a profound influence on her. She always felt that she was a \”bad\” sister. When she saw something she liked, she always felt that she was \”not worthy of having it\” and did not dare to take the initiative to fight for it. Therefore, she also missed a good marriage. If the older one frequently provokes the younger ones intentionally and we cannot bear to stay out of it, we should comfort the older one first and then take the older one with us to comfort him.small. This is not a reward for \”causing trouble\”. Psychologically, it is clear that Dabao feels frustrated for some reason. Maybe he feels that Xiaobao has driven him down from the position of \”the apple of his eye\”, or maybe he thinks that you love Xiaobao more. The real reason doesn’t matter; what matters is that we know our child is disappointed and needs our encouragement. \”Dabao, mommy sees you are angry.\” (empathic acceptance) \”Mom, can you give me a hug?\” (Let the child feel better, and the next behavior will naturally be better.) \”Are you willing to help your brother? Are you feeling better? Do you want to give him a hug first, or do you want me to hug him first?” (Model love and peace with behavior) Suppose Dabao is too angry and unwilling to hug you or unwilling to hug his brother, we still have to make a decision attitude. \”I understand that you are not ready yet. When you are ready, you can come over and help me.\” (Asking your child to help will make him feel valuable) If one day, your older and younger babies get into a fight, can you calm down? refused to intervene. Hearing Xiaobao say: \”I want to tell mom.\” Dabao replied: \”It\’s useless, mom will just say let us solve it amicably.\” Then you will find that they fight less and less, and sometimes even if they start fighting, It will also be much gentler. So congratulations on your mastery of internal skills, you can look up to the sky and smile: \”My children love fighting, but I am not afraid of being a mother, hahaha…\”