I never spank my children, so why are they covered in bruises?

Yesterday, I had a conflict with my son and daughter. Around 5 o\’clock in the morning, my daughter suddenly lay on top of me and said aggrievedly: \”Mom, I wet my pants.\” When I was changing the sheets, my son was woken up. By the time I put the sheets in the washing machine and prepared to take the kids to sleep again, they had already started playing. Being possessed by the god of sleep, I fell on the bed and fell asleep. I vaguely heard my son say, \”Let\’s help mom do the laundry.\” When I got up, the children were already having fun in the bathroom. Then I saw a basin full of bubbles, laundry detergent, shower gel, and hand soap mixed together… I couldn\’t help but yell: \”What are you doing?\” The children, who were immersed in joy just now, cheered The laughter was suddenly \”frozen\”. All the washing supplies were wiped out by two pairs of panties. \”What are you doing? Do you want to make mom mad? Get out of here, I don\’t want to see you now!\” They walked past me blankly, and I said angrily: \”Stand on the balcony.\” Pack up. At the end of the game, the brother and sister were still standing there without saying a word. When I calmed down my anger and approached, my brother asked me carefully: \”Mom, are you still angry? Are you still angry?\” My sister also asked: \”Mom, have you forgive me?\” Looking at their pitiful little eyes, I Said: \”Mom is not so angry now. You can wash the clothes well in the future, but you can\’t leave bubbles everywhere. Mom will be tired after cleaning up.\” The adults thought that the matter would end here, but when they got to the children, they were surprised. No. While chatting before going to bed, my son emphatically recounted what happened in the morning and said to me: \”Mom always says she is angry. She is angry. My sister and I are so scared!\” When my brother said he was scared, my sister shouted loudly and cooperatively. started crying. It turned out that my words had unknowingly frightened the child. Not long ago I saw a short foreign video online. There was a father who couldn\’t see his son being addicted to games all day long. He took a loaded pistol, put it in front of his son, and said angrily: If you have the guts, don\’t live! But just as his father turned to leave, his son pulled the trigger. By the time the father came to his senses, the child had fallen. The father\’s angrily words, \”If you have the guts, don\’t live anymore\” became the reason for the child to end his life. No one thought that one sentence could cause irreparable tragedy. I was just touched by another Weibo post called \”How much damage can words cause\”. Blogger @平安中元 appeals: Stop verbal violence and don’t be a tyrant in the eyes of children! Many times, an angry word said by a parent unintentionally can really drive a child to a dead end. It\’s embarrassing for you, but I\’m still embarrassed. See what other people’s children do? You are so useless! Pig brain. You are a bad boy! ······These words are far more harmful to children’s psychology than corporal punishment. According to a survey by psychologists: on average, 1 in 20 people has experienced verbal violence, and 1 in 50 people has suffered from mental illness due to verbal violence. In mild cases, they suffer from social disorders, and in severe cases, they commit murder and suicide. . It is the duty of parents to stop hurting their children with words. American psychologists once conducted an experiment. Talking to students in the psychology department of a universityDuring class, they introduced a German teacher invited from another school to the students and touted the German teacher as a highly respected chemist. The \”chemist\” solemnly took out a bottle containing distilled water and told the students present that it was a newly discovered chemical substance that he had discovered and had an odor. He invited the students to smell and asked them to raise their hands when they smelled the smell. As a result, most students raised their hands. This bottle of colorless and odorless distilled water, through suggestions from \”authoritative people\”, made most students think that it had an odor. Psychology defines this phenomenon as the \”authority cue effect.\” The so-called authority cue effect is that people have a \”safety mentality\” and believe that the thoughts, behaviors and words of authority figures are often correct. Obeying them will make them feel safe and increase the \”insurance factor\” that they will not make mistakes. At the same time, there is also a \”recognition psychology\”, which believes that the requirements of authority figures are often consistent with social requirements. If you follow the requirements of authority figures, you will be recognized by all aspects. In the minds of young and ignorant children, parents are the \”authorities\”, and every word and deed will have a subtle impact on the child\’s character shaping. As Susan Forward said in \”Toxic Parents\”: \”Children cannot distinguish between facts and jokes. They will believe what their parents say about themselves and turn it into their own ideas.\” Parents have long-term problems. It is inevitable that verbal suppression of children will cause low self-esteem, but what is more serious than causing low self-esteem is the formation of a negative personality and the child becoming depressed or exhibiting anti-social behavior. Someone once asked on Zhihu: What does it feel like to be verbally hurt by a family member? Some answers are like this: People often say that the highest education a person can have is not to lose his temper with those close to him. The same should be true between parents and children. The needle didn\’t stick into themselves, so parents never know how much pain their children are in. Psychologist Cooley said about the definition of \”self\”: \”For everyone, others are a mirror. Individuals understand other people\’s views of themselves through social interactions, thereby forming their own self.\” To change children , parents must change themselves first. Turn \”warning\” into \”direct encouragement\” for 5-year-old children to help with housework. Many parents who find it troublesome will directly stop them and say: \”No\”, \”Leave it alone\” and \”Don\’t make trouble\”. In fact, we can change the way and gently tell the child: \”Thank you, baby! You can take your time.\” Then tell the child the steps. When you first start doing something, your child may fail, but if you learn to do something over and over again, you may get a perfect score in the end. In life, you can also use \”keep quiet\” instead of \”don\’t make noise\”, use \”walk slowly\” instead of \”don\’t run\”, and use \”get out of there\” instead of \”don\’t come close\”. Replace \”why\” with \”how\”, \”why do you do this!\” and \”why can\’t you do such a small thing?\” Asking the child why at every turn will usually make the child irritable, because many times, he did not go at all. Consider why. If asked too many questions, the child will have to rack his brains to think of a reasonable reason. Many parents often have ineffective communication with their children, thinking that the children will not correct their mistakes even if they know they are wrong, while the children think that their parents are stubborn and unwilling to make progress. When a child makes a mistake, ask the child \”What should I do?\”What should I do? \”Children will have the opportunity to reflect on themselves and then change their ways. Praise is the highest level of recognition for a child. As the saying goes: A kind word warms you for three winters, but a bad word hurts you for six months. Children, like adults, are as afraid of scolding as they long for recognition. Appropriate \”praise\” is actually great and effective communication. If a child draws on the wall of his home, some parents will say: \”Look what bad things you have done again\”; some parents will say: \”Son, you draw well, but we should draw on paper, so You can keep it as a souvenir.\” What parents say has a great influence on their children\’s understanding. Parents who are dismissive are likely to raise avoidant children; parents who often neglect their children are likely to raise ambivalent children; parents who are logically confused are likely to raise children who lack judgment. All the abuse, slander, contempt and ridicule will be integrated into the subconscious mind, and you will be scared whenever you think about it. The most basic purpose of education is to let children have a healthy heart and a sound personality. The best thing is to encourage him to be a better version of himself. I wish all children could have their strengths recognized and their weaknesses tolerated. The child is a tree, please give him a little more sunshine and rain; the child is a cloud, please give him a little more tenderness. Children need love to support them, not love to tame them. \”Good parents\” will only give their children more love and tolerance.