There was no domestic violence, but soft violence ushered in. It broke my heart, my child.

Many parents have said that I will not spank their children. Even if the children are disobedient, most of them use preaching as the main method and punishment as the supplement. Violence education basically does not exist. However, without domestic violence, can children live a carefree life? Perhaps, many parents do not realize that excessive preaching can also hurt their children, such as: \”Why are you so stupid? How did I give birth to a child as stupid as you?\” \”Cry, cry, just know how to cry, be a little manly\” I don’t even have any responsibility!” “I gave birth to you, what else can’t I know?” The speaker is unintentional, the listener is intentional. Indifferent language is also a kind of hidden violence, a kind of invisible violence. Ways that can destroy a child’s life! Kind words are warm in March, but bad words are hurtful in June ~ \”If you have the guts, don\’t live anymore!\” After my father said these words, he loaded the pistol and put it on the counter, and was about to turn around and leave. The son picked up the pistol, pointed it at his head and pulled the trigger. Because his son was addicted to computer games all day long, his father\’s angry words actually led to this tragedy! After reading this, I felt a chill down my back. What made this child give up his life at all costs? Perhaps the young man\’s long-term depression, pain and despair, all the emotions accumulated together, all exploded at this moment. A fresh life ends, but a tragic family reincarnation begins… This kind of verbal violence is also soft violence, which is different from the behavior of hurting others caused by physical violence. The most frightening thing is that its potential harm is often ignored, and it is even a \”habit\”! As Susan Forward said in the book \”Toxic Parents\”: Children cannot distinguish between facts and jokes. They will believe what their parents say about them and turn it into their own ideas. Language is powerful. Positive and warm language can make children confident and optimistic, while offensive and hurtful language may ruin a child\’s life. Studies have shown that in China, there is a strong connection between juvenile delinquency and verbal violence in childhood, with 67.1% of parents having emotionally abused their children. Frequently using excessive language to stimulate children will have an extremely negative impact on their healthy growth. I remember one time I went to my best friend’s house for a visit, and I happened to see her son being made to stand, with an unhappy look on his face. My best friend kept chattering: “Look at which family’s children are like you, eating rice and leaving rice everywhere. , if there are guests at home, it would be so ugly. People will say you are uneducated, and your mother will not dare to take you to other people\’s homes in the future!\” After saying that, my best friend kept pointing her fingers at the child, and the child was scolding her the whole time. Keep your head down. When he saw me coming, he became even more angry and complained to me: \”Today\’s children are really difficult to teach and they are not obedient at all. How many times have I told him to eat well, but I have to tell him!\” \”As soon as I finished speaking, the child started to cry. My best friend became even more angry at this time: \”Why are you crying? I just said a few words to you and didn\’t hit you. It made me feel like something was wrong!\” I He immediately pulled his best friend aside and said, \”Stop talking.\” Perhaps she didn\’t realize that those sharp words were like a sharp knife inserted deeply into the child\’s heart., which can cause lifelong damage. Don\’t think that your child may not remember what you said because he is still young. Your child is smarter, more sensitive, and more careful than you think. Your unconscious actions will hurt him. Many parents are not aware of the dangers of soft violence and always use their children as a punching bag unscrupulously! I remember reading a question on Zhihu: \”What is the most unpleasant thing you have ever been scolded by your parents?\” \”Are you a pig?\” \”Are you a waste?\” \”Why are you crying? Why are you crying? You are Say it!\”… A netizen said that he was scolded since he was a child and seemed to do nothing wrong. He has been like this for many years. He has been sad countless times and has no courage to think about it. He has thought countless times in his mind that if I die, everyone will do it. What\’s going on, I\’m getting more and more sad and depressed. Talking well to your children is really important! Huang Lei said in an interview: \”I have never regarded Duoduo as a child. I think she and I are equals.\” He gets along with his daughter like friends and never oppresses him in the role of \”God\”. He taught his children how to love by setting an example, \”Dad loves mom, mom loves dad, mom and dad love their kids.\” Like father, like son. The influence of parents’ words and deeds on their children is subtle and may even affect their lives. Experts who have long studied child psychology pointed out: In Chinese families, the results of the dialogue between parents and children are often: choking the child to death, suffocating the child to death, rushing to death, scaring the child to death. How can we avoid soft violence against children when we consciously say hurtful words to them? First, talk to your children properly. It is really difficult for parents who have naughty and restless children at home to control themselves and not criticize them. But think before you speak, use the right tone and words, adjust your mood, and get rid of anger. When a child makes a mistake, don\’t rush to label or slap the child. You can listen to the child\’s thoughts first, and don\’t prejudge the child. Second, respect each child as an independent individual, give children the opportunity to choose, encourage them to try things they like, and don’t beat them to death with a stick. Even if the desired results are not achieved, parents should not complain or criticize their children, but use a respectful attitude to help their children grow better despite repeated falls and mistakes. Third, learn to listen. If you are the only one who speaks, you are singing a one-man show. You should learn to listen to your children. The more your child talks, the easier it is to communicate because the child has relaxed and is willing to speak his or her mind. Children are another mirror of their parents. Children are more sensitive than anyone else. Every expression and action of a parent will affect the child. You must learn to think from the child\’s perspective.