My child was beaten to death for not pooping in the kindergarten. After learning the truth, I decided to transfer to another school.

Even if the child is beaten to death, he will not poop in the kindergarten. I said: \”If the child has been unhappy for so long because of this incident, then let\’s change it.\” My friend breathed a sigh of relief: \”You are the first person to support me.\” Now, half a month has passed, and my friend\’s house My child has adapted well to the new kindergarten, and the problem of not pooping in the kindergarten has magically improved. I don’t know what my friend’s child experienced in the previous kindergarten, and whether there were factors that the teacher ignored. But if a child has such a big reaction to pooping, as parents, we must have overlooked something. We always think that peeing and peeing is a natural law and it is simple, but this is not the case for children. American psychologist Ericson said: Children after the age of 2 begin to slowly become independent. By controlling their bladder and bowels, they will understand that their body is their own, and the secret of \”pleasure caused by excretion\” also belongs to the child. This gives children pleasure and a sense of control, power, and boundaries that differentiate them from others. Simply put, by controlling their bladder and bowels, children understand that they can control and influence their own behavior, thus laying the foundation for learning and obeying the rules of the external world. On the other hand, urination and defecation are also an expression of the child\’s inner sense of autonomy. But why is it that children can defecate freely at home but hold their stool in kindergarten? There is a term in psychology: somatization. That is, if a certain emotion of an individual cannot be expressed directly at the emotional level, it will be expressed through the body. In December 2017, a sixth-grade child in Zhejiang vomited for a period of time at school, but it was normal when he returned home. His parents took him for physical examinations, but they were inconclusive. Later, the psychiatrist used hypnosis to enter the child\’s subconscious level, and learned the truth: the boy\’s deskmate was very naughty, and one time the class teacher beat the deskmate in anger. This incident aroused strong resentment among the boys: the teacher actually punished the students corporally. He suppressed this emotion in his subconscious, but this emotion hidden in his subconscious was restless and expressed through physical vomiting. Vomiting is a physical behavior that faithfully reflects his psychology – it not only expresses dissatisfaction with the teacher, but also releases the aggression at the subconscious level, killing two birds with one stone. The body is often more honest than words and can express the truest thoughts deep in the heart. In the same way, young children express their inner emotions by controlling their bowel movements. Image source: \”Studying Children\” A report from the National Early Childhood Growth Research Center: 80% of children are unwilling to defecate in kindergarten, and only 20% of children are not affected. We often think that it is common for children to hold back their bowels, so we often don’t take it seriously. But a drop of water reflects the world, and behind the small things lie big problems. Children\’s body organs are not fully developed yet, and holding in stool for a long time will increase toxins in the body and increase the burden on the intestines. If the stool is retained for a long time, the water will be lost and become dry and hard. The child will be prone to constipation, and in severe cases, it may lead to anal fissure. Freud said: All behaviors of an individual are expressions of the subconscious mind. The body is a silent language that tells us in every detail what is hidden in our children’s hearts.secret. Lack of security Every unfamiliar environment is a great challenge for young children. At this time, their psychological fear outweighs the novelty of the environment. When an inner sense of security has not yet been established, they can only use their best to deal with the surrounding environment and automatically ignore the signals sent by the body. Therefore, children often poop in their pants or only realize they need to poop when they get home. But the adaptation period for each child to the new environment is generally no more than one month. If the child is more than one month old and cannot defecate normally in kindergarten, it means that the child\’s sense of security has not been well established and he has not been fully integrated into the kindergarten. The emergence of shame consciousness Children over 3 years old not only have a strong self-awareness, but also have a very clear tendency to choose. For them, their shit and piss belong to their privacy. In their hearts, only people close to them know that they need to pee or poop, and can wipe their butts for them. If someone he does not approve of helps, the child will feel uncomfortable because it means that the safety boundary in his heart is broken. Children can only defecate freely and unrestrainedly in the presence of people who can make them feel relaxed, comfortable and belonging. Image source: \”Little Naughty Nicholas\” Teacher\’s Neglect Many kindergartens do not give children time to defecate at will. To be precise, kindergarten activities are neat and uniform. Children have to do specified things at specified times, and pooping is an \”accident\” outside the regulations. If a child is ignored or given a cold attitude by the teacher when he needs to defecate, or sees the teacher\’s disgusted \”stinky\” look, then the child will subconsciously avoid this thing that the teacher doesn\’t like. I would rather hold my stool at home than \”trouble\” the teacher. Children at this stage use observation and imitation as their main learning methods. Once children observe that the teacher does not like such \”accidents\”, they are likely to deliberately avoid such \”accidents\”. Therefore, whether a child can defecate normally in kindergarten is the secret to whether he can find his own sense of belonging and security in kindergarten. Parents\’ love for their children is a process of slowly letting go and drifting away. Children entering kindergarten is a necessary stage in their growth. How can we help them better adapt and integrate into the life of kindergarten? Let poop become a relaxed and happy topic. When we help our children wipe their butts, we should be in a happy mood. Talk to your child: \”Wow, you seem to be digesting well today, and the color of your poop is normal.\” \”Okay, let\’s wipe it clean together.\”… Words like this can help your child relax from pooping. The shame it brings. At the same time, some picture books are used to let children know that defecation is a basic physiological need, as natural as eating and drinking. You can tell your children some picture books about poop, such as: \”It\’s so comfortable to poop\”: it will tell the child the detailed process of poop formation, why poop is yellow, etc. \”Puppy Poop\”: The value of puppy poop – sacrificing yourself to become fertilizer for flowers. \”Who hummed on my head\”: Learn about the poop of various animals by finding who hummed on the little mole\’s head. Allow your child to make small mistakes in poopingChildren are all sensitive. When you occasionally pee your pants or defecate on your body, do not handle it roughly in public, let alone criticize, otherwise it may leave a psychological shadow on your child. We can reassure the child this way: \”You are still young and can\’t control your bowel movements. It doesn\’t matter if it\’s in your pants. Mom can change it for you.\” Without fear, the child will not panic. Actively communicate with teachers. For children, teachers are an important factor in the growth environment and a role model for learning. We should take the initiative to communicate with the child\’s teacher and introduce the child\’s general bowel movements and special needs to the teacher. For example, the child cannot unbutton his pants, is habitually constipated, needs help wiping his butt, etc. Provide enough information so that the teacher can give the child timely attention and care. Do not increase the psychological burden on the child and do not make defecation a necessary topic every day. It is okay for the child to have difficulty or irregular defecation occasionally. If you ask him every day: \”Did you poop in the kindergarten today?\” the child will develop a habit of avoidance due to nervousness, which is more likely to induce metabolic disorders, which is very detrimental to the development of good habits. What we need to do is to pay attention to the recipes prepared by the kindergarten for the children, the nap and defecation records prepared by the teacher for the children, and communicate with the teacher in a timely manner. For young children, we are the sky above their heads, which can protect them from wind and rain and build walls for them. Therefore, do not ignore the \”language\” revealed by your child\’s body, which may be of great significance to him.