Is it so difficult to listen well to children? Watching a reality show will make you vomit blood

Hunan Satellite TV produced a variety show \”Youth Talk\”, which allowed children to stand on a high platform and shout out their feelings. A clip of a girl shouting to her mother went viral on Weibo. A friend forwarded the link and told me angrily: \”It made me angry and wanted to cry. I was also raised like this. I swear to God that I will never become such a mother!\” Seeing how excited she was, I hurriedly I clicked in and took a look, and kept sighing after reading it. This girl, who is in the first grade of junior high school, went on stage to complain about her mother, always comparing \”other people\’s children\” with herself and beating herself up. And \”other people\’s children\” happen to be the best girl in the class, first in the grade, first in the whole school, first in the whole league, and her top academic bestie. As a result, her mother also said, \”Looking at your poor grades, why would she be friends with you?\” This can no longer be described as \”heartbreaking\”. To put it more seriously, it is trampling on the child\’s self-esteem. But the girl still expressed her appeal very clearly and logically on the stage: \”Not only are other people\’s children good, but my own children also work very hard. Why can\’t you see that?\” What was the mother\’s reaction in the audience? ——I couldn’t wait to express my opinion without thinking carefully about what my daughter said. The mother felt confident that the child had missed her point and started sputtering. The general meaning is that I am not comparing you with just one person, and I am doing this to cultivate good study habits and master good study methods. It has nothing to do with your grades… But my daughter quickly refuted her, Then why do you always say after every exam, wow, Wu Di in your class is so good at math, so good at English, so good at everything, and you always want to hit me like this? My mother\’s logic was strong and irrefutable. She said: \”I know I am constantly hitting you, because I think in your character, if you don\’t hit you, you will be a little drifting.\” Oh my god, this is not a typical \”frustration\” Education”? In fact, I really want to ask this mother, if your leader is attacking you all day long and nothing you do can meet his requirements, can you continue to do your job? The girl was so angry that she cried on the high platform, but she was still making her last effort: \”I told you that I am not suitable for provocation. If you always hit me like this, I will definitely feel that I am bad, but you have never changed.\” .\” And what about mom? He simply changed the subject, choking his daughter completely speechless. Alas, I just want to ask, who gave this mother the confidence to think that her children can meet her requirements? When making demands on a child, one needs to observe the child, test the boundaries of her abilities based on her personality, development characteristics, and current state, and make a judgment based on a combination of various factors. If the child fails to achieve it, it is likely that she is overwhelmed and has been pushed into the learning panic zone. She may even feel that she will never meet her mother\’s requirements. Seeing how unrepentant this mother is and how she thinks she is always right, I believe she has never seriously cared about her daughter\’s inner world. In her eyes, her daughter is built with all indicators related to learning. Alas, I sighed again, feeling endless sadness that the girl had such a confident and strong mother. Thinking of some time ago,I accidentally saw that the CCTV program \”The Reader\” invited Yuan Quan as a guest. Yuan Quan talked about his childhood experience, which made me sigh with emotion. Children who can be supported and encouraged by their parents are so happy. When Yuan Quan was 11 years old and still in the fourth grade of elementary school, he was selected by the middle school affiliated to the China Academy of Opera to study Peking Opera in Beijing. Her mother asked her: \”You have to think clearly for yourself, do you really want to learn Peking Opera?\” Yuan Quan replied: \”Yes, I really want to go.\” Maybe this is just the child\’s natural understanding of the outside world. curious, but the mother respected her daughter\’s decision. After her mother sent Yuan Quan to Beijing, she only stayed in Beijing for a week before returning to Hubei. The head teacher later told Yuan Quan that just now your mother stood at the door of your classroom for a while. She was very reluctant to leave, but she still smiled and said to me, I will leave the child to you… Yuan Quan was smiling beautifully in front of the camera. , when talking about the words of the head teacher, she lowered her eyelids, her voice trembled slightly, and she finished describing the scene of her mother leaving in a few words. However, her parents did not completely leave 11-year-old Yuan Quan alone. Thousands of miles apart, they wrote nearly 300 letters, supporting Yuan Quan through the arduous seven years of his opera studies. The program selected two letters between Yuan Quan and his parents, which made me burst into tears. I was so moved by their previous parent-child love. \”I have to do leg wrestling again next week. I\’m really scared. My basic skills are still the same and there\’s no progress at all. The teacher said I wasn\’t working hard enough. I felt very uncomfortable after hearing that because I felt I had used my best strength. No matter what, I I still have to work harder and tell you that my legs are only as far as two upright fingers from my head. I will try to put them on on November 20th.\” The parents said in the reply: \”As parents, I understand you and feel sorry for you. . We will never ask you to work hard when you have tried your best and still can\’t achieve your goal temporarily. Quanquan, remember, don\’t be discouraged in the face of setbacks, maintain a good mood, and cheer up.\” Look. Well, these two letters form such a strong contrast with the mother who can only attack in \”The Story of a Young Man\”. With such parents who understand Yuan Quan, support her, and encourage her, it is no wonder that she has been able to maintain a unique existence in the entertainment industry, but she is also so outstanding and dazzling. Yuan Quan won the Golden Rooster Award and the Hundred Flowers Award for Best Supporting Actress in her 20s, and was selected into the \”Chinese Drama Centenary Hall of Fame\” at the age of 30. She has never been involved in circles, and only chooses roles that are in line with her own values. However, she can do it every time she appears. Bring attention and conversation. If her parents, like the mother in \”The Story of Youth\”, saw their child writing \”no progress at all\” and would reprimand and preach in the letter, I think it might be difficult for Yuan Quan to become the Yuan Quan he is today. If a person wants to make continuous progress and develop rapidly, he needs a strong inner drive. A child\’s upward self-motivation stems from self-perception and the recognition of \”who I am and what I can do\” with a sense of autonomy and ability. However, the mother\’s frequent blows gradually submerge the child\’s fragility. perception. If I am not seen for a long time, I will gradually lose sight of myself—I can’t do anything.I\’m a terrible person. When a child has such a self-evaluation, how can she use her inner driving force to pass one important hurdle after another in her life? I saw a girl on Zhihu saying that she once failed in an exam and cried to her mother: \”If you don\’t do well in the exam, you will have to go to the streets to beg for food.\” Her mother immediately corrected her: \”Who said bad grades are bad? Want to beg for food? If you don’t get good grades, you can still do a lot of other things!” Later, she wanted to get admitted to the best high school in the city, but if she missed by a few points, she would have to pay tens of thousands in school selection fees. Her mother said, “Don’t I’m afraid, I’ve already prepared the money.” As a result, she got admitted to the high school of her choice without spending a penny from her family. Only then did she realize that her family couldn’t actually afford the cost of choosing a school. During the college entrance examination, she was not very satisfied with her test result. Her father said: \”There are no absolutely good schools, only absolutely good students. Your life will not be determined by one test, even the college entrance examination.\” So the girl entered college. , still did not relax, and was admitted to Fudan and SISU with a master\’s degree recommendation, and is now engaged in his ideal job. I think that during her countless days and nights of silent struggle, whenever she couldn\’t hold on, she would definitely think of her parents who had sincerely affirmed her, supported her, and illuminated her heart bit by bit. The mother in \”Youth Talk\” said to her child at the end: \”I only affirm you, but it will not have any effect.\” Yes, every parent hopes that their children will burst into life, but I also want to be with this child. A mother said that if you only attack your children, it will not be effective. The German philosopher Jaspers once said that the essence of education means that one tree shakes another tree, one cloud pushes another cloud, and one soul awakens another soul. The child is crying in his soul, mother, do you hear it?