Children who are able to withstand stress and setbacks all come from such a family education.

A few days ago, a reader shared his story with us backstage: ▼When he was a child, he loved going to school and getting along with teachers and classmates. But my father is a very strict person. Starting from the third grade of elementary school, the first thing he would do when he got home would be to check his schoolbag. If he failed to pass the exam or if there were more red crosses on his homework book, he would give him a check again. Scolded again. If things go on like this, every time I face my father’s scolding and beating, my mind will go blank, with only one thought: “I am so stupid.” Gradually, not only my father, but also the teacher’s criticism, classmates’ jokes, and leaders’ conversations… All the strong authority that frightened him frightened her, and her first choice was to escape. Children who are not accepted by their parents are angels with broken wings. The influence of a person\’s family of origin will subtly affect a person\’s psychology, habits and way of thinking to a great extent. It will accompany the person\’s life unknowingly and affect his life. . Every child has more or less frustration in daily life and study, and the results vary depending on the degree. Some children can adjust themselves quickly, while others fall into despair when encountering a small incident. Today\’s children are very outstanding in terms of knowledge and skills, but their resilience and resistance to stress are far from enough. Parents often say that no matter whether their children are playing games or sports competitions, as long as they lose, they will cry endlessly. A child\’s ability to resist setbacks is \”adversity quotient.\” Adverse Quotient ▼We call this way of responding to adversity, that is, the ability to face setbacks, get out of trouble, and overcome difficulties, \”Adverse Quotient AQ.\” Together with IQ and EQ, it is called 3Q. The causes of frustration are divided into internal and external causes. Internal factors – due to one\’s own negligence, incompetence or failure to do one\’s best, external factors – unfavorable partners, bad timing or force majeure factors. Children\’s frustration is often due to internal factors, \”It\’s all my fault\”, \”I\’m not as good as others, so I lose the game\”, \”It would be better if I were better\”… The development of the human brain is completed at the age of 6 90% of parents, if they excessively provide opportunities for their children to use their hands and brains, will adopt a negative approach when encountering difficulties. Under excessive protection and control, they will be helpless when they need to face problems alone. Among the \”3Qs\”, what parents are most likely to ignore is adverse quotient. The consequences of low adverse quotient are very serious. In the mild cases, their lives are full of negative energy, and in severe cases, they sink themselves or even commit suicide after being frustrated. There was an interview with a group of parents and children. When parents were asked how many points they would give their children, the parents would list their children\’s shortcomings in detail, and then answer \”80 points\” or \”75 points\”… But when asking questions to their children, How many points do parents give to their parents? They will proudly answer: \”My mother is very good, I give her 100 points!\” In the eyes of children, parents are very perfect; but in the eyes of parents, their children always have many Where there are shortcomings, \”other people\’s children\” are perfect. Only when parents accept their children\’s imperfections can children accept themselves. When I am anxious and Xiaohua is disobedient, I can\’t hold back my anger and reprimand loudly. When Xiaohua cries in grievance, it will make me regret it, but I will do it next time. In this way, Xiaohua\’s bad habits still cannot be changed.fell into an infinite loop. After a series of blows, I found that I had to change my attitude before things would change. All the imperfections of my child are actually my own projections, and scolding her for her imperfections is actually anger towards myself to a certain extent. Relying on reprimands and scoldings will not change her, but will bring negative energy to her and the entire family, which will do no good at all. Children of every age have different difficulties and setbacks. Although adults may think that children’s setbacks are not worth mentioning compared to the adversity they will encounter throughout their long lives, for children, a little failure These are all huge blows. ▼Xiaohua was thirsty and ran to get the glass. She directly held the cup. Her hands were too small and she couldn’t hold it firmly. The cup immediately fell to the ground and broke into pieces. Xiaohua was very sad and blamed herself for this, because it was something she liked very much. Bottle, and thought about how hard it was for her mother to clean up the mess for her. If my attitude towards her at this time is blaming, Xiaohua\’s self-blame will increase, and she will have the idea of ​​\”I can\’t do such a small thing well.\” So, I told her that the reason why you can\’t hold the cup firmly is because your hands are too small to hold the cup body. Then you need to hold the thin parts, such as the handle of the cup or the neck of the bottle. ——I accepted Xiaohua’s mistakes, and what my attitude conveyed to Xiaohua was: “Mom understands me and can tolerate my small mistakes.” ——Parents’ acceptance and tolerance can give children greater psychological resistance to stress. , because they can feel: Even if I fail accidentally, my parents will continue to support me. Let your children understand that \”frustration is not failure\”. Anyone who does something will experience difficulties at the beginning. Xiaohua came back from kindergarten with a sad face and a broken paper crane in her hand. \”Mom, today the teacher taught us how to fold paper cranes, but I tore it.\” I told her, \”Although this handmade It didn\’t succeed, but I still see that it is a very beautiful paper crane. You can definitely make a more beautiful handicraft.\” Xiaohua immediately found colored paper and started making it again. If you always only focus on the child\’s mistakes at the moment, rarely discover his or her excellence, and use adult standards to demand him, you will forget that he is just a child. The reason why children are growing is because they are improving their own imperfections. Cultivate children\’s adversity quotient and build their resilience. \”The measure of a person\’s success is not the height at which he reaches the top, but the resilience when he falls to the bottom.\” – General Patton\’s friend\’s children have always been very good since they were young. Excellent, with grades among the best in the class. He has grown up with praise from people around him and has almost never experienced setbacks. After the college entrance examination, he was admitted to one of the best universities in the country. After entering, he realized how insignificant and ordinary he was. He felt that he was inferior to others in every way, and even close to the bottom. He could not accept such a big university for a time. I want to drop out of school. His parents contacted him about a project and insisted that he try it. They supported and believed in him very much. From this time on, he adjusted himself to a state of zero, accepting failure and accepting his ordinary self. Keep this mentality and gradually become stronger in your subsequent study career. We need to give our children more encouragement rather than blind praise.Let them accept failure calmly. 1-6 years old is the critical period for cultivating reverse quotient. Most of the behaviors of children in this age group are unconscious. Adults\’ careful care will make them feel safe. In the process of exploring the outside world, whether they succeed or fail, , will eventually return to the \”safe base\” given to them by adults, so children aged 0-3 rarely feel frustrated. 1-3 years old is an important turning point in children\’s psychological development. During this period, children experience the formation of language, the emergence of thinking, and the emergence of self-awareness. Once a child has the concept of \”self\”, he will have a sense of independence in his behavior. Start from \”self\”. Wait until the child encounters difficulties before offering encouragement. There is a very common example. When a child\’s behavioral abilities have just begun to develop, learning to walk is a stage that everyone will go through. Before they can walk completely steadily, children often want to express themselves and walk on a rougher road. Many parents are often there to protect a child who is about to fall or immediately help him up after he falls down. This is not conducive to the cultivation of negative business intelligence. Please do not help him and encourage him to \”self-esteem\”. stand up\”. Children aged 3-6 years old are taught through games. During play, children will follow their own wishes without any restrictions. Games can be the best way for parents to understand their children\’s psychology. They will learn things that they would not easily reveal in their daily lives. Vent your emotions in games and have fun with them, and you will find the root of problems that you can\’t find at ordinary times. Talking and encouraging children through \”game characters\” will be more effective than persuasion in normal life. Every child is a seed that needs to be cultivated. He may grow into a towering tree, blossom and bear fruit, or he may remain a grass. But whether it is a big tree, a flower, or a grass, what parents have to do is to accept their children, admit their shortcomings, and tolerate their imperfections. Parents\’ emotions and attitudes towards their children\’s frustration will slowly transform into their children\’s own words and attitudes, turning difficulties and setbacks into learning opportunities. This is the best thinking mode – a manifestation of \”high adversity quotient\”.