Children who feel safe inside will not have bad luck

A few days ago, I accidentally saw photos of Li Yan attending a catwalk show in Paris for the second time, and I was once again touched by this confident little girl. This 12-year-old girl dares to expose her shortcomings to the media and the spotlight again and again. Her inner strength has long surpassed that of children of the same age. We all know that Li Yan has been born with two labels: the second generation star and cleft lip and palate. Such a label is destined to attract much attention to her. Li Yapeng and Faye Wong, like all ordinary parents, were worried that their daughters would be harmed by online violence, but they finally chose to face it with their daughters. Facing those probing eyes, Faye Wong said: \”The mentality of parents is very important. I think she is very beautiful.\” When she said this, Faye Wong was not a singer or a queen, she was just a mother. Once, Yang Lan interviewed Faye Wong. Faye Wong mentioned that when Li Yan was half a year old, she signed up for a parent class to learn how to be a good parent. Yang Lan asked: \”Do you still need to study to be a parent?\” Faye Wong said: \”The habits children develop since childhood are all influenced by their parents, and it is difficult to change them when they grow up.\” At the same time, Li Yapeng also took on the responsibilities of a father. , even if the marriage breaks down, he still gives Li Yan enough love. He took Li Yan to travel and grew up with Li Yan, allowing Li Yan to see the beauty of the world. Li Yan once said: \”Only I can do Sister Fei\’s fashion.\” This is such a strong heart. Li Yan\’s strength and self-confidence comes from a sufficient sense of security in her heart. She believes that the world is kind and full of love, and that she deserves to be treated well and loved. Psychologist Maslow said: A sense of security is the foundation of mental health. Only when children have a sense of security can they have self-confidence and self-esteem, and can they establish trusting interpersonal relationships with others. Children who have a sense of security will naturally not have bad luck. Psychoanalyst Horney believes that children have two basic needs in their early years: security and satisfaction. The satisfaction of these two needs depends entirely on parents. If parents cannot provide continuous, stable, and reasonable love to their children, children will lack a sense of security. Children who feel insecure in their hearts cannot sense the kindness of the world, and will consciously exclude themselves from the world. Then when you grow up, the psychological defects may not be completely repaired, and may even affect the establishment of good trust and intimacy with others. My relative\’s daughter, Yuhan, had a little conflict with her classmates. She believed that the teacher favored her classmates, so she locked herself in the room, refused to eat or come out, and insisted on dropping out of school. Relatives said that Yuhan had been withdrawn since childhood and had difficulty getting along with others. And her \”difficulty getting along\” comes from her \”insecurity\” in childhood. Because she was busy with work, Yuhan was taken to her grandmother\’s house when she was more than one year old. She did not return to her parents until she was in elementary school. When she first came back, Yuhan was very unfamiliar with her parents, like an outsider. She would often watch her younger brother acting coquettishly in front of her parents with cold eyes. Sometimes she would \”bully\” her younger brother when their parents weren\’t paying attention. When Yuhan grew up, she was sensitive, suspicious, and sarcastic. She had no friends or playmates, and always excluded her parents from her heart. After hearing what my relatives said, I really felt sorry for this child. Her dropping out of school, being withdrawn, and being sarcastic are actually the result ofA kind of escape is her inner resistance and self-protection against \”insecurity\”. Children who do not receive enough love and attention from an early age often feel insecure. If the child cannot receive reasonable love and compensation in the later period, the child\’s \”security\” will be very poor, and even if he encounters \”good luck\”, he will go around. Han Han said in the book \”A City\”: Inner stability is the source of security. Children who feel insecure will exhibit behaviors such as being particularly clingy, timid, afraid of the dark, crying, sensitive, emotionally unstable, afraid of strangers, and curling up when sleeping. Children\’s \”insecurity\” is not innate, nor is it a personality problem. Most of it is acquired. Many parents know that their emotions will affect the establishment of a child\’s sense of security, but they ignore some unconscious \”harm\”. Unstable caregivers 0 to 3 years old is a very critical period for children to establish a sense of security. During this period, if caregivers are frequently changed, it will affect the establishment of a child\’s sense of security. Due to work reasons, I was separated from my daughter for half a year when she was more than one year old. When I saw her again, my daughter no longer recognized me. The mother in her eyes has always been on her mobile phone and in photos. My appearance made her full of uneasiness. She became timid and fearful. When she entered the mall, she hugged my leg and would not let go. Only by holding him and rocking him in his arms can he sleep peacefully. After half a year of separation, I spent many times my time and energy to make up for my daughter’s lack of sense of security. Fortunately, my child was still young and everything was possible in time. Therefore, before the child is 3 years old, it is best not to be separated from his mother for a long time. Mother\’s love is the best source of security for children. If the mother cannot be around, then there must be a permanent caregiver. It is hard to imagine that parents with unstable emotions can raise children who have a sense of security. I believe many parents are familiar with the following words: \”If you don\’t obey me, I won\’t let you go!\” \”Look at that, you won\’t learn from others!\” \”Why are you so stupid? You can\’t do even the smallest things well!\” \”My parents are all for your own good, are you worthy of us?\”… Most of a child\’s earliest understanding of the world comes from the words and deeds of his parents. Verbal violence is an invisible knife that can be fatal to a child\’s immature mind. Harm and destroy the establishment of children\’s sense of security. I remember that Chen Qiaoen once revealed that he had been beaten and scolded by his mother since childhood. After saying these words at the recording site of the show, Chen Qiaoen turned around in shock to see if his mother was there. Being beaten and scolded by his mother for a long time made Jon feel unconfident for a long time as an adult. This kind of insecurity in childhood can easily leave a mark on a child\’s young mind. If you love your child, please speak to him gently. American family therapy master Virginia Satir said: No matter whether a king or a farmer, as long as his family is harmonious, he is the happiest person in the world. Frequent quarrels between husband and wife, bad relationship, or even divorce will seriously affect the establishment of a child\’s sense of security. When a couple loves each other, this love will be passed on to their children. A child with love in his heart will be more confident, have the courage to accept challenges, and haveThe ability to enjoy happiness and the confidence to be fearless. The more stable and strong the relationship between parents is, the more secure the child will feel. We should try our best to give our children a harmonious and beautiful environment. Even if there are conflicts and arguments between husband and wife, it is best to avoid children. To take a step back, even if the marriage really comes to an end, the love for the children must only increase and never decrease, so that the children can firmly believe that they are worthy of being loved and will always be loved. Ma Yili also lamented on Weibo: Children who receive adequate emotional response from infancy will feel more secure when they grow up and can be truly independent. Yes, the establishment of a child\’s sense of security comes from love and care during infancy and early childhood. Children under one and a half years old will perceive the world from their parents\’ emotions and attitudes. Parents must meet their children\’s physical and psychological needs and ensure that \”Mom will be there when I need them.\” Only then will the child feel safe. Children aged two to three are the age most likely to \”make mistakes\”. They need to be sure that \”even if I am wrong, my mother will not be angry or reject me\” in order to perceive the kindness from this world. Children between the ages of three and six are gradually developing their personalities. They need to be sure that \”Mom and Dad love me, and I am worthy of being loved.\” Children will become confident, brave, and mentally strong. From the age of six to nine, children have basically developed a sense of security, and even if they encounter bad things, they will try to solve them on their own. A child\’s initial sense of security comes from his parents. Only when parents are emotionally stable, love life, and accept their children unconditionally can their children gain a solid sense of security. A child who has a sense of security will be confident, independent, and able to get along well with others. Such a child will not have bad luck.