What should we do if 90% of children have poor social skills? How to improve social skills revealed…

Last week I took Liuliu to a car museum, and I witnessed a small incident that made me think about some issues. There is a place designed with projections on the floor, and many cartoon characters are running. Many children find it interesting and keep chasing and stepping on the cartoon characters. Liuliu also stepped on it, and I just waited on the side. There are two children on the field who particularly like this game. They are both about three or four years old, a taller boy and a shorter girl. It seems that they have found a common interest, and they are having a great time playing together. The two of them giggle every time they step on each other, making others unable to help but smile. But after all, the two children were small and there were many children coming and going, so their footing was inevitably unstable. At one point, the tall boy bumped into the little girl. The two fell into a ball, and the little girl\’s father on the side hurried over to help him up. Seeing that the child was okay, he patted the dust, said a few words of comfort, and then casually said to the little boy: \”You have to be careful. The little sister is hurt.\” The little boy didn\’t react. At this time, the little boy\’s mother came over and said to the little girl\’s father: \”You are wrong. You shouldn\’t tell my child like this. He did nothing wrong. What, you hurt him like this.\” The little girl\’s father was confused: \”Ah, what did I say?\” The little boy\’s mother was very serious: \”You just denied his behavior. He bumped into your child unintentionally. , it\’s not his fault.\” The little girl\’s father couldn\’t hold back his anger: \”What did I say? Your child knocked my child down and you didn\’t apologize. Can\’t I even tell him to be careful?!\” In this way, what was originally just a small friction between the children turned into a quarrel between the two parents. Looking at the two children, they were talking, laughing and playing well together. But when they saw their parents quarreling because of them, they both timidly hid next to their parents with evasive eyes. This little incident came out of nowhere. The little boy\’s mother was too protective of her child, which turned a small incident into a fierce quarrel between adults. Watching this quarrel, I couldn\’t help but laugh. Although the little boy did not do it unintentionally, the little girl\’s father did not blame him, but just reminded him casually. Children also need to understand that there are consequences for hurting others even if it is unintentional. However, the little boy’s mother felt that the child did not do it on purpose, so she kept arguing with others. She looked like she was protecting her child, but in fact, she most likely missed a good opportunity for her child to improve his social skills. Why are parents so nervous in their children\’s social environment? So excited? Admittedly, as I wrote in my previous article \”What to do if a child is beaten\”, in that extreme situation, if the other party is malicious and the parents don\’t care, I will intervene. But more often than not, when there is any friction between Liuliu and the children, I try my best to let her handle it by herself. Although most of us are not as sensitive as the mother at the beginning, many times we will habitually use our emotions to interfere too early or too much in our children\’s social process. Indeed, parents are reluctant to let their children suffer, and they cannot bear to see their children feel wronged. But there is one thing we have overlooked: for children, every conflict is a good opportunity to learn social skills.Unlike personality, which is innate, social skills are not innate, or even improve naturally with age. When we intervene again and again in small frictions between children, we are actually taking over. Because we only think about solving the problem, but forget to give the child the opportunity to learn how to deal with it on his own. I told you something before. Two little boys were riding a bicycle. The boy in front suddenly stopped. The boy behind him didn’t have time to hit him. He got up and pushed the boy’s car away. The boy in front didn’t know what happened. , smiled at the boy behind, and the two children were happy, then they picked up the car and continued playing. It is a particularly heartwarming scene. The emotional expressions and handling methods of the two children also have the unique reconciliation characteristics of this age. Originally the problem had been solved, but later the parents came over to apologize and teach their children a lesson for being ignorant. A small matter was put on the agenda, but the result was that the two friends broke up unhappy. In fact, children need to learn to feel whether the other party is malicious or kind through each other\’s eyes, words and deeds, the cause of the matter, their own emotions, etc., and learn to judge what to do. Whether they are tolerant or careless, it is the child\’s choice, and it is a practical opportunity for them to improve their social skills through repeated frictions. And when we parents rush to intervene immediately, sometimes we only deprive our children of exercise opportunities and protect them under our wings, but they fail to learn the abilities needed to fly freely. Although, when there are serious conflicts between children and they may be harmed, we must intervene. But even this is not enough reason for us to complain about each other and then quarrel. What we should teach our children is how to correctly resolve this kind of social conflict. No child will learn to do things just by listening to the truth. More often than not, our words and deeds will leave a mark on their hearts. So, wait and see what happens and intervene when appropriate. Rather than when the child has a problem, we rush to help solve the problem. Moreover, too much intervention too early does not mean that children are allowed to make mistakes without stopping them. We must grasp the balance between this. Of course, intervening too much in children\’s conflicts too early does not mean that we ignore children\’s problems. In fact, whether before or after a conflict occurs, we have some more important questions to guide our children: 1. Find out what the child thinks about the problem. If we don’t first figure out what the child thinks is the problem in the conflict, we will It’s easy to end up solving problems based on how we feel. For example, if a child suddenly grabs a toy back after exchanging it with someone else, we only focus on teaching the child to share, but ignore that the child feels that sharing the toy has been long enough. If you only focus on being reasonable, your children will only become more resistant to sharing. 2. Help children think and express. Many times, we need to help children express their opinions and how to communicate their thoughts with others. But I don’t know how to do it. Let’s teach you a passing game to train your children’s conversational ability of “you come and I go”. This game is designed to help children express useful information in words when they encounter problems. For example, we proposeA question: \”Do you like playing in that playground?\” Then throw the ball to him. If he catches the ball and just says: \”I like it,\” then the ball cannot be passed to me. But if he says: \”This playground has water and sand that I like to play with. I also played with building blocks and built a big house.\” Then the ball can be passed to me. I would continue to say to him: \”So do you like the house you built? Why?\” and then pass the ball to him. Encourage him to say: \”The house I built is very good, the white walls are beautiful, and the roof can keep out the rain. The children can play and eat in the house.\” Wait, and then pass the ball to me. This is the rule that encourages children to use more words to describe specific details, their own feelings, ideas for solving problems, etc. Children sometimes cannot understand the truth, but by playing games, it is easier to teach them to understand the rules and exercise their ability to think and express. 3. Understand their own and other people’s emotions. Children learn to think about their own feelings and consider the impact of their actions on others. Emotional management is a foundation for improving social intelligence. After laying this foundation, it will be easier in future social environments, but this is a relatively big topic. For children, it is more important to try to recognize emotions first. But when my child was young, he sometimes didn’t understand emotions well enough, so when he was 6, 6, 2 or 3 years old, I bought her a set of emotional toys to judge her mood at that time through the expressions of various little figures. For example, if the villain stares, he is angry. The corners of his mouth drooped, showing sadness. The corners of his eyes are crooked with joy. Or there is a simple way, draw various expressions of the villain on paper, react accordingly, and then teach the children to judge one by one. There are many places where materials can be used in life, but we need to have this awareness to help children expand their cognition. Why these three points are important, because they can teach children how to express and grow actively. These are the key points to improve children\’s social skills. These are simple methods that we can interact with our children in our daily lives. Over time, we can help our children understand and become proficient. Always remember that it is the children, not the adults, who have to solve problems. We always worry that our children\’s social skills will not be good enough in the future, but we forget to ask ourselves: Have we given our children opportunities to create social interactions, express themselves, and deal with problems? Children need constant practice to slowly master the ability to deal with interpersonal relationships. Therefore, sometimes, be lazy, let go appropriately, give your children the opportunity to face conflicts independently, and expand their circle of friends. You will find that that little body that looks immature and needs us to protect it at all times actually contains magical power.